Chronic Pain Support Group

Hi Dave ~ You don't say how old you are, but from the sound of it, you aren't relying on your parents for money. Just come right out, be HAPPY and tell them that they are going to be GRANDPARENTS!!! If people waited until they could "afford" children, they'd NEVER have them. Besides, this is between you and your lady. Your parents are not in the bedroom with you, are they? It's really none of their business. I certainly didn't consult MY parents before I got pregnant!!! You shouldn't have to "break" it to them ~ it should be announced with HAPPINESS!! If they don't like it, it's NOT your problem!!! It's theirs. You and your lady are being given a gift of life ~ treasure it. Congrats.

congrat for the great news my friend u goina be a daddy:O))its ur choice to create a new life not ur family as relos or parents u stick with ur gal hon be happy xxxxx

well congrats on the news, first if you wait untill you are finically stable, that time may never come, there is always going to be some bill some debt you would like to take care of befor you have children.

I am or was a teenage mother, i got pregnet the first time when i was 18, i still went on to be a professional adult, i have been married for 20 years and i am a good mother, in fact i am glad that i had my children young, so dont be ashamed of it embrace it, and if your family cant accept it and think it will never work, just prove them wrong like i did, i dont know what my parents would do without my children, thier lives go around my kids they have so much fun with them, they are their best friends.

take care

Seriously, hon...I worry about the exact same thing when my husband and I have kids.

I think you have to make up your mind...that you are happy about this - and that nobody can touch that. Their negativity, their worries...are their own.

This is a beautiful wonderful thing. Congratulations to you both.

Well, I would like to thank you all for the kind words and support...

To address all the discussed issues...

First off...I am 26 years old...as is my girlfriend. I am definitely NOT financially supported by anyone but myself...although, wouldn't it be great if we all had enough money that none of these worries existed?!! ;)

I did not want to come off as meaning that I would not bring a child into this world without being perfectly set up with a big bank account, however, I remember my upbringing...and it WAS NOT a pretty one. We were VERY poor, lived in sub-standard conditions, and we did not have much except love for one another. But, that love eventually failed me too...as my parents separated and divorced when I was 11...I moved back and forth from California to NY...over and over...and over!! My mom remarried a well-to-do government worker and they are living her "dream life". They might not be "rich", however, they are definitely not struggling!!

My father is STILL STRUGGLING. When they divorced, my dad was left with ALL the debt...and our '89 Honda Civic packed with what little things we owned...the debt obviously outweighed our valuables.

I find myself watching my father live paycheck to paycheck (if you can even call it that...if he is even given the courtesy of an employer who pays on time...he does house remodels...private contracts)...

Then...I find myself watching my mother live a seemingly "perfect" (at least, for her) life with little to no worries. My stepfather had a vasectomy and my mom hit menopause...so no more kids in the plans for her.

My father would LOVE to have another child...I find this strangely inspiring as he is the one who is living the financially TROUBLED life...almost just like me! ?????

Yea...I know...my personal life and my child is NONE of their business, but SERIOUSLY! Would any person in their right mind want their parents to be completely CUT OFF from their own GRANDCHILD??? Even though my parents did not give me a "silver spoon" upbringing (or even a plastic spoon for that matter!!)...and even though they put me through a nightmarish teenage upbringing after the divorce and constant moving...I STILL LOVE, CHERISH, and ADMIRE both of my parents more than anything. They made me who I am today...and I am so proud of that!!

I know that my father will be the greatest grandpa who ever lived...his heart is just THAT BIG. I actually think that his desire to remarry a woman with a child (since he is always drawn to single moms...to his detriment) will change with the knowledge that he is a grandpa!! I think he will no longer want another "child", rather; he will just want to settle down with a partner who loves him for who he is and loves him for the way he raised his only child...me.

The last time I saw my mom...I remember the very LAST thing we spoke about. I was telling her that I feel like Ami and I will eventually be engaged/married/and have children. She was excited to hear that I was that much in love, however, she said..."...just make sure you dont go getting her pregnant anytime soon. You just cannot afford to have a child with everything that is going on in your life. You don't even have a job!!"

Well...I agree with you all...there will NEVER be a time that I can wait until where I will be financially READY to have a child. And, it is NOT important that I am rich right now so that our lives will be financially stable. As for not having a job...well, that has been the case for the better part of 3 years!! I am permanently disabled!! What more do you want from me?!!?? I look for work, I HAVE worked (and experienced so many more pain problems that complicated my life), but most of the time...I am simply TURNED DOWN by employers because I am DISABLED!

Dont let the world fool you!! There are MANY acts of discrimination from potential employers out there!!! MANY!!!

So...that is my moms story...I guess I just have to prove to her that the ability to raise a child is in MY HEART! If I have been strong enough to stay financially afloat for 3 years on permanent disability benefits...and if I have been strong enough to endure through 8 major surgical operations and innumerable other procedures/hospitalizations...I think I have ENOUGH HEART to raise a child!! And...do it well.

As for my father...him and I have an "on again/off again" decent relationship. Friendly one minute, horribly opposed the next...

He has a fairly strong moral "code", religious belief, etc...that he lives by. He still thinks I am a virgin...that does not worry me though.

He has JUST RECENTLY warmed up to the fact that Ami and I are a COUPLE, that we sleep in the same bed, and that we LOVE one another.

I just fear "breaking his heart" again. I have put him through so much HELL over the years...I do not want to do it again, you know?

I really need to just DO IT...I have to pick up the phone...call...tell them that they are going to be a grandparent. It is imperative that they know right away....besides, Ami is almost 2 months along. Even though we just found out, I think the time is NOW.

SO PLEASE...could you all just CONTINUE messaging me. I do NOT care if you have constructive criticism or even if you just want to smack me and tell me I am crazy...DO WHATEVER YOU ALL HAVE TO to give me support in this time of need, ok?

So you all know...I just spoke with my dad...he was busy, however, we arranged to speak in a couple of hours...I WILL TELL HIM and he WILL be HAPPY...that is all I can ask for from a father who loves his son...and that is all I can expect from a friend who has been there by my side through these 3 years of pain.

So, thanks again everyone!!

Talk to you all soon!

-Dave

Dearest Dave and Ami,
Congrats on the greatest of life's gifts. When you hear your child's heartbeat the first time, when you see the movement and the image of life on the sonogram screen, when you feel the first kick, when you see their face for the first time, when you hold their little body close to you...those worries will go away. No, they won't disappear and bigger ones will come along. There will be times when your heart will ache and you heart will burst with joy- it is all a part of parenting. They don't come with instruction manuals, batteries (for you or them) the best thing I learned how to do was to pray. So many things are too much for me, I turn it over to Him because my worrying about it only wastes alot of valuable energy that I need to have to be with my children. I pray for the the three of you, you will be fine. God Bless, xoxoLyn

Oh Dave, Congratulations! This ia a miracle! How many children have been born over the millenia, when the circumstances have not been perfect? I would announce this to the world, with the true feelings in your heart. YOU and your Beloved are having a baby despite the odds, pain, finances, whatever. Rejoice, Rejoice! Do not let family or friends diminish one second of your joy!

I don't know you and I am thrilled for you. It sounds like to me you are remarkably and most importantly, emotionally ready.
Blessings,
Tami

Dave,
I think you have some unresolved problems with your parents, I think we all do to some extent.

I think it scares you so much to tell them, you are over thinking the result of what will happen, so just to not have stress make you sick, please tell them, sometimes in your mind when you think what they will do, it is alot worst then what is actually going to happen, you dont want to waste anymore time stressing over this, you want to enjoy the fact you are going to be a father

Did Ami tell her parents yet? and how did that go
and if all elst fails you can send one of those singing telegrams, I told my parents in a letter, i so chickened out

take care
Becky

Most of you that know me on here, know me for my bluntness.....so here goes:

Dave, exactly what are you looking for someone to say, b/c you ask for advise, then tell everyone why you disagree with what they are saying.

Children are a miracle and what is a miracle?

A miracle is something that occurrs when you least expect it.

Yeah its hard to raise kids even when you are without physical limitations. Children are can bring you a joy like noneother....they know no prejudice, no hate, no evil.....they simply know how to love.

I had a baby 2 years ago and it came at a complete surprise, my other kids were close to grown. I cried for 2 months. Then came the sonogram and I saw my miracle. A couple months later, I felt the little booger move. A few months later, they layed him in my arms.

Instantly....all the bullshit in life went away.

My "miracle" is now 3 and he still makes my days brighter and my nights even better. When I bathe his little body with the baby shampoo and he crawls in bed and wraps them little chunky arms around me.....well, all my troubles drift away.

Children are not the end of your life, they are your beginning. They will test you in every way. But the love that you share with a child knows no limits.

Is it easy? Hell fucking no. Is it the greatest thing that can happen to you? Hell yeah, you better believe it.

I dont' think that any parent believes that their children are ever old enough or smart enough to raise their own kids. We just have to prove them wrong....cause you know what? They did it and we can too!!

If you and Amy love each other and are committed to raising and loving this child, then you will succeed.

I'm interested to see how Amy feels about this since she will suffer the physical pain associated with pregancy and child care.

Don't allienate your parents, b'c you will need them. I don't know how i would make it without my mother and father and I'm 35 yrs old. On my bad days, they are here to pick up my slack and they take the baby until I get better. Sometimes thats a few hours or it may take a day or two sometimes.

You've heard the old saying..."it takes a village to raise a child?"

Regardless of how your mom handles this, it sounds like your dad will be there to help you with whatever you may need if he can.

I wish you luck and much happiness that I know this baby will bring to you.

It was just a few weeks ago when I answered a post in which you were concerned about the sex life between you and Amy b/c of you both being chronic pain patients.

doesn't seem you needed any help after all, you big stud!!!!!!

Best of luck, I have 3 kids....let me know if I can help.

Hey everyone...thank you for the new comments, support, etc...

I just wanted to address one thing...

I hope that none of you "think" that I am being critical of your advice, your recommendations, or that I am simply "disagreeing" with what you have to say!!

I am just addressing EVERYTHING you have told me and APPLYING that advice to my SPECIFIC life circumstances...as each and every one of us have such distinctly individual situations!!!

YES...SSPIRES...I am talking to you!! :P But...I am more than happy with you being completely BLUNT...I would rather have someone give it to me STRAIGHT then to "stab me in the back", per se.

I am NOT saying you were MEAN...hehe...you gave GREAT advice, you shared AMAZING tidbits of info, and in general...you helped me iron out some confusing personal issues...overthinking can be a terribly frustrating mechanism!!!

SO...THANK YOU kiddo. As for asking for help...please expect that I will DEFINITELY be doing so!!

Just an update...

I called my pops yesterday...told him that he is going to be a grandpa...HE WAS BEYOND HAPPY, EXCITED, and in general...it seemed like a GIANT weight was LIFTED OFF HIS SHOULDERS.

With all the bullshit that he is dealing with in his life right now...he said..."thank goodness that there is at least SOME good news on the horizon!"

So...one parent down and the remainder of a MASSIVE family left to tell!!

Keep on commenting people!!! I value EVERYONE's opinion MUCHO!!!