Chronic Pain Support Group

I just stay away from drama. I like Serenity's Golden Rule she posted yesterday. It does hurt me if someone intentionally is mean to another DS member because we are here to support.

DS time stamp can be off some but this was a way off and I found it totally confusing with the other party. I just choose to ignore.

I agree we may not all of us agree with each other but kindest is of the upmost importance. This is a support board and that means that everyone deserves respect.

It is difficult to be in pain and then have pain in your heart to witness members on this board mistreated and not respected. That would be one reason some would find it necessary to leave or take a break.

I love all of you and continue to wish you

love and peace
hippy

I agree with you hippytoo

The new people who come who constanly point out that the group appears clicqueish. When several point it out, there has got to be something to these comments.

Some of us are struggling thru life and death struggles on a daily basis. Just because all the details are not clearly posted does not mean that someone you think you know well is not in serious trouble or suffering with more than anyone else here.

Not everyone can find jokes in their pain. Many suffer with emotional pain on top of physical pain. Yet, these peoples post are going by with 0 to 2 replies. I often wonder what happens to people who get no replies and never come back.

Sunny,

I agree with you. That was on my mind as well. I didn't want to hit "my soap box" so to speak. Yes when someone comes and doesn't get a reply there is no support and it doesn't say much for the board..

Those little faces they give us to show how we feel.......well they don't cut it either. I always look at it as anyone on DS feels way worse than they say.

Then we also must realize that words have "tones" when we write them. Just like when we speak them.

See soapbox hippy.

love and peace
hippy

all good points mikey and hippy, too - hippy tutu - and sunny. i'm slap happy i'm so tired, but i'm glad you put this out there. that is partially why i posted the golden rule yesterday. i don't intend to be the moral compass for this group, but i do what i can to add encouragement.

we all have enough pain, stress, and other issues that it is nice for this to be a safe haven.

reasonable discussions are good for us. we can all stand to hear another perspective. the conflict when it gets out of hand or too personal really bothers me. i hope that we can be grown-ups and be here for each other!

hugs all around!!

Geez, Mikeey, I guess I took the right day off! I managed to miss all the drama. That's ok with me.

You're right- this is the best support group I've ever participated in. It reminds me a lot of the old Lupus support group run by the LFA. I still have friends from it.

I am glad you're here!
Sandy

I love your last statement Mikey and one other thing that I have always believed in. When we have good communication and respect for one another, everything falls into place. Thank you for a great post.

hi gang, hope your feeling well, and all is good..
i also must have missed all the drama as well...but thats ok, because i stay clear of it as much as possible.. in my life i stay clear of pettiness, and drama, and love others the way they deserved to be loved even though they may be nasty and get out of hand from time to time..(just ask my sisters) LOL.. Love surely makes the world go around!! and I wouldnt want it any other way..lifting people up when they are down is very important to remember when lives are crazy and painful..and I truly come here and get that from all of you..
I hope everyone enjoys their night, and hugs to all...
~stinke~

see soapbox hippy run,
see jack throw the ball to hippy.


i'm just kidding... or on a tangent. see spot blush at what jen's about to say. (ah dick and jane... such nice kids.)

i have loved my stay at DS, however i didn't start off feeling real good about it. i had a reasonable welcome after some extensive lurking. then there were a lot of things that led to almost a total board implosion and i asked aloud and to myself MANY, many times, why can't we actually be a supportive group? why aren't we being supportive?

what are we all doing here? fighting? on the internet? LAME.

but, i kept on. with a lot of people being annoyed with me and also making some friends, some good friends.

and bad things and good things occurred.

i pretty much go with the flow now as well. i used to fight for the underdog a lot here. i found out that it's futile. the group either assimilates a personality or not and i can't change it. the group attacks single personalities with vigor, just like groups do individuals in the real world among every species under the sun who collaborates within any sort of group. it's well known, even if unspoken that there is power and safety in numbers and we DO exemplify that when we feel commonly righteous, just like we would in a schoolhouse or a workplace or even a church. this is just another social institution and some people cannot feel their part in it without sacrificing or sabotaging someone else's. so... yeah... internet imitates life. expecting people to "promise to be nice" or uphold themselves in a manner uncommon to their usual pace just because they get a password here is an assumption based on very, very little reasoning.

i've given up on harping about it being a support group because the fact of the matter is, it's not unlike any other message board about any subject matter on the entire internet. since we are not face to face we can never hold one another to the manners we would most certainly display face to face.

the internet, not unlike driving our cars, gives us a false sense of anonymity, freedom and protection that makes way for a false sense of safety. while we lower our inhibitions to (sometimes disgustingly) freewheeling honesty and enjoy total entitlement in ways we never could in our daily lives unless completely intoxicated... uh...
yeah..
people's feelings are going to get hurt AND often do.

it's just the nature of this "vehicle" of communication. i don't like it and i'm not advocating for it's survival, but in the rest of my life i take the good with the bad and sort it out later so, i can't get all pissed off that this place can be kinda like the DMV. it's free.

it's cheaper than therapy. i'm emotionally high functioning enough to be able to deal with it. that's just ME. if you are mentally not up to the BS on DS, i cannot blame you. there are even other free places for you to get help. there's no reason to subject yourself to things that you don't like here.

really.

that said, if you're smart enough and wise enough, do be kind. be kind until it's a bad thing. be yourself, the same self to everyone else. expect the best from people until you're at the point of lying to yourself. don't buy into gossip, don't perpetuate or try to substantiate rumors. talk to people, not about them. all of the things that would make you a good person in your hometown should make you a valuable citizen here. and if you do all of that and people shit on your head here- write it off. toss it, you don't need it. this place is not mandatory and will not be a part of your permanent record.

i'm only saying all of this to perhaps save someone else the time i wasted in figuring out the dynamics of an online support group.

DS is only as good or bad as you let it be.


with care,
jen



(ps- clicks smicks... jmo.)

I agree with everybody here. The drama must be going on behind the scenes here. I'm not seeing it. I don't like cliques either Sunny but that won't stop them from forming.

I hope everybody has a serene rest of the night, Dianna