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My nieces EX husband has had his share of drug problems from Pills to smoking MJ to drinking way to much for such a young person of 25 he has gotten off to only go back on when they divorced.

He recently went into the ER as his grandparents took him he was throwing up blood and a few months ago he was having seizures and they said his liver enzymes were very high and of course he checked him self out before he got a DX.

Does anyone on here know what high enzymes would mean and the throwing up blood? is he is a dangerous point in his life.

I know this is sort of off topic but we all take meds and know medical stuff probably more then some nurses LOL and wondering if he abusing the pills could have an effect on these enzymes?

My niece is worried they have a five year old daughter together and we tried to goggle it but way to much info to wade through.

Thanks for any help with this
Posted on 02/24/12, 01:10 am
21 Replies | Most Recent Add Your Reply
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Reply #11 - 02/24/12  9:56am
" manny, everyone is right. my two cents from working in the addiction field for many years is that you cannot force someone to get help or into recovery. there are 12 step groups for families affected as well. it sounds very advanced. that's terribly sad. prayers for him and your family. "
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Reply #12 - 02/24/12  11:05am
" Oh boy this is hard,
He is obviously in trouble here & we know what mixing can do.
I hate to say this but your niece has to step right out of his life. Until he has noone to turn to & realizes this he won't acknowledge his problems.

As long as there is communication of any kind its enabling him to continue on a destructive path.
As i said its hard as there is a child involved but this is not the kind of daddy she needs. He's more of a danger to her & everyone else in this condition.

Most people like this have to hit rock bottom to realize they can't control their impulses.
Hard hard choices. She simply can't hand him one cent. It would be best if she simply told him, when you can come to me sober & clean is when I will speak to you.

I learned this long ago with loved ones. I was told as long as I responded in anyway this person would not see they had a problem. Surely enough its only been when he hits rock bottom & alone they he attempts recovery. Weve all worried he would kill himself but at the same time we know if he continues he will do so anyone. Only we would have enabled him to do so.

I'm so sorry, very hard on families & so unfair to the children.
My daughter's ex boyfriend started the party path & she has chose to let him go until he realizes this can't continue. Its hard as she wants to believe him when he says he cleaned up but he slips up & she knows its not true.

Ive seen others pass away & for his sake & his daughters I pray he does realize hes in over his head. You know many times they do know they just refuse to think about it long enough to get help.

Good luck Manny & tell your niece to hang in there, tough choices to make.
Blessing to you all, Sammy "
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Reply #13 - 02/24/12  11:29am
" There is intervention. You can tell the addict that they have to chose to have a relationship with you or with the addiction.

The liver is amazingly able to heal itself. Mine was nearly destroyed by starvation from Celiac. It was not working at all when I was finally in the hospital and got the DX.

It takes care but the liver will heal. Mine is now fine.

But he has to stop the addictive behavior.

Can only pray for you to be firm with him. I kicked out a friend recently who had (not pills or alcohol) but other addictive behaviors that were hurting me. It is sad. But it is also tough love.
Sometimes the most loving thing we can do for another is to refuse to support them in destructive behaviors. "
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Reply #14 - 02/24/12  11:39am
" something sammyo said reminded me of a training course i attended called "raising the bottom" (no joke here). the point, very basically, was to stop all enabling, to issue conditions of establishing communication (written), not an ultimatum, but a contract. and whoever is involved must be on board b/c triangulation is a common technique of manipulation - going to one person to get to the intended person (making a triangle instead of a straight line)- what they do on survivor, create alliances. as in, him coming to you saying she's being so unfair by not speaking to me when i just want to tell her i love her. (murray bowen can be searched for info on that if you want). personally, i think that it will hurt their daughter more having his inconsistency than removing him unless he gets treatment b/c then he won't be there for long. sorry so long-winded. "
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Reply #15 - 02/24/12  3:32pm
" The only person who can help him is him. It sounds like he has one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel.

The most important thing to do is to be sure his daughter knows that his behavior is not normal and is not her fault. She would be better off without a daddy than with a daddy like this. Been there, done that. My siblings and I witnessed our dad's behavior as an alcoholic and him being gone for days at a time fueling his addiction. We thought that was how all daddys act. And so will his daughter. If at all possible, spare her this legacy.

My dad's addiction killed him when I was 12. And I can guarantee that he wasn't thinking about his kids. He was thinking about the next drink.

Sorry to be so sour. This is a touchy subject with me.

I'll pray extra hard that he will decide to get clean and sober. "
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Reply #16 - 02/25/12  7:08pm
" I was thinking along the same lines as serenity...the only way to try to help him is to get his whole family on the same page. Has your niece tried to contact his family about this? If they all agree to stop enabling he may realize that it is time to get help. And then she needs to have a plan ready so he goes right into it.

My guess would be hepatitis C or similar problem. And if that is the case he may be contagious to his daughter. She might try withholding her daughter and even going to court to get an order that he be tested before he can see her. "
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Reply #17 - 02/25/12  7:25pm
" Thanks for the suggestions the problem is he lives with grandparents and they totally enable him pay his fines to get out of jail and pretend he does not have a problem but I told my niece is if she played hard ball and told them no more baby till they come to join in helping him get off, I am sure they will as they love that baby more then anything even him I think.

Is that wrong to use her like that?

I dont have any contact with him but one and this is where it is going to be a problem when he comes and picks up the baby and he is stoned I will not let him take her and I have no problem calling the police it has not been an issue for awhile as he has not had a license but he just got it back so I told her if he does there is going to be a problem I have three grown sons who will back me up and he is a little guy, but she is not my daughter she is his but I think I have a responsibility if I am the person here for the exchange

Is that within my rights you think?? she does live her with us for the past few years. "
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Reply #18 - 02/25/12  7:40pm
" manny, this is within your rights and really your responsibility. truly, i think you should call social services/child welfare. clearly, he has a record of DUI. if he chooses to wreck his life, that's his business, but if he is endangering a child, that's too much. if you or your sons get involved then it could turn on you/them. this is serious. i know this is a horrible situation for you and i just wish you the best in dealing with this. "
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Reply #19 - 02/25/12  8:28pm
" I would have her use the baby to get his grandparents on board. I would also have her insist on supervised visits. And she should go to court to get this in writing. That court order will be one more thing that he can't ignore. "
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Reply #20 - 02/25/12  11:25pm
" Seizures are probably due to the alcohol. If he is going to quit - he needs to be detoxed carefully in a hospital type setting - it is the most dangerous substance to detox from... ( pretty sure most people know this already- hopefully he does too.)

I agree with gr8... he should be aware of "esophageal varices." A relative of mine travels around the world for his job. He started drinking scotch and other hard alcohol from different countries and developed a big alcohol problem which led to alcoholism.
One day he got up and was vomiting blood - A LOT of blood - all over the floor in his house! It was really bad- he called 911... The Dr. told him if he didn't stop drinking right then and there; it could happen again and he could die from all the blood loss.
It shook him up enough that he is a sober man now.

His Liver is working over time -- that's for sure...

The grandparents are not helping him to get sober but are making it a lot worse. That's evident.

He is stupid to think that you are going to allow him to take the baby when he is stoned out of his gourd. Yes you are doing the right thing- good job for standing your ground! You have more right to hang on to the baby as a grandparent; than he does when he is trashed. I can't imagine how much you worry because you already know he wont STAY sober even if he picks her up sober.

I agree ... if he has a problem with it... he can go to jail when the cops show up. First off a DUI... then DUI on a suspended license. How about that?? HA. I don't think he will stay around for that.

Im sorry to hear that you are dealing with HIS crap ( ALL HIS crap-takes NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS ACTIONS!)

MY heart goes out to the beautiful little girl the most... ;( "

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