Chronic Pain Support Group

Sorry about the typo above. Please write a little something is what I meant. lol Thanks.

First off anybody that truly has chronic pain is NOT "just fine". There is a huge difference between someone who suffers from occasional low back pain treated just fine with ibuprofen and someone who is crippled everyday with a medical condition requiring constant medication and/or massage, pt, chiro.

4 years ago my husband and I bought an older home that needed alot of work. Back then, I was riding my bike 20+ miles per day, painting the walls didn't have a problem with CP at all. I woke up one morning and my neck was horribly stiff. Had an MRI done came back I had a fully herniated disc in my C5-6. Had surgery thought I would be back to my normal self in no time. To make a long story short, that was just the beginning of it all. I have Fibro, buldged discs in my lowback possible RA (blood tests are not in yet). I absolutely cannot ride my bike anymore, I can barely walk up and down the stairs with a laundry basket or run a vacuum. And forget being able to do any home remodeling or anything. Even if I have a "good day" where I feel like I can paint, I will pay sooooo dearly for it the next day to the point that I cannot get out of bed.

I work, but it is a struggle everyday. I often sit at my desk in so much pain I will start to cry.. Everybody has a different tolerance to pain. I've been told my tolerance is very high but I still canot take much more of this. My CP will get so bad at work that I will get sick to my stomach, my heart will start fluttering or I will get very light headed. It goes so much more deeper then just being in pain all the time. Your body's response to CP is horrific. It changes everything, your mental state, all your vitals start to change like your heart rate, blood pressure, the way you digest food.

I was asked to watch my 4 year old neice and 2 year old nephew last weekend. I gladly accepted. I was very saddened by the experience because I couldn't get down on the floor and play with them. I can't bend over or run around with them, you could tell they knew something was wrong. Even though they seemed to have a good time, I still felt so guilty I couldn't play with them more. It's just simple stuff like this that changes everything.

We are not lazy people, we are just in alot of pain. Ask your husband when was the last time he strained a muscle or pulled his back out or even twisted his ankle. Now tell him to imagine having that type of pain plus more every single day of his life. CP doesn't sleep. It's there when we wake up, when we are eating, when we are driving, working, grocery shopping ect ect. If the end of the world came tommorow it would still be with us. Pretty sad but so true. I hope he can bring himself to understand what your going thru. It doesn't make it any easier for you to deal with when you don't have the support you need at home. I also hope he can one day be apart of your treatment and not part of the pain you suffer from.

Hang in there I know your exhausted we all are but we are there for you!
~hugs

Here's my last 6 years:
I worked in education administration, loved my job, had a beautiful home, and two beloved pets. I made a huge mistake and had elective surgery on my feet (bunions). I never walked normally again. I kept my job for 2 years, wearing "ugly" health shoes which my boss hated. When the pain got so bad, I finally got the dreaded call from disability. First I lost my house. Then I moved out of state for 4 months with my pets paying cash for a small place I thought I could live in for many years. Eight weeks later, peripheral neuropathy started with a vengeance. (That's nerve pain). I gasped for breath. Moved my stuff back to my homestate to be near the VA hospital. I was in terror.
Lived with my cousin temporarily. Gave up my beloved cat for his own safety. All the while, friends become fewer (after all, I don't have that fine home anymore and can't afford social events and can't dress up).
Eight months passed. I bought another house and managed to keep my little bichon frise,
to drive short distances and shop using a cart. As of 2 months ago, I became unable to walk. Mother's Day I gave up my little dog because I could not give her adequate exercise. I now use a power chair to get to the bathroom. All the while, my life has been eaten up by pain - no more makeup, no hairdos. I rock back and forth and hold my feet. Narcotics don't work. Nothing works.
I'm hanging on only because my moral fiber hasn't been totally destroyed. There's not much of me left, but hopefully just enough to save and I'm still waiting for the miracle.

hello, i have chronic pelvic and low back pain, from hyst many surgeries for endo. Maybe we could chat, i dont know many people with pelvic pain. How it affects my life, well.. i hurt everyday all the time in varying degrees, i only work part-time, some days cant walk without pain, hard to sit and stand for long periods of time, i dont sleep all night becuase of pain, i take pain meds and dont have a very understanding hubby, if he cant fix it, he doesnt know what to do, so he kinda denys that i have pain. Any questions please email me.

kmiller said it best: "CP does not sleep".


My husband married me over three years ago, and instantly gained a family as I was a package deal, with three children. I've had various sickness since. Debilitating migraines, bad cycles which led to a hysterectomy, then another surgery for breast reduction. Then there is my back. It always bothered me and I'd have bouts with it but last August, that bout never ended. I've since found out that I have three torn discs (l3-l4,l4-l5,l5-s1) and have been downhill since. For me, it's only been a few months since I realized that it wasn't going to just go away. For the first few months I truly felt like, "Ok we will find out whats up with this and then be on my way". Finally after finding the extent of what was causing my pain, it sunk in. As if that were not enough, my general practitioner suspects that I have fibromyalgia as well. That I have to go to yet ANOTHER doctor for that diagnosis makes me want to puke on someones shoes. Chronic pain not only does not sleep, it also does not discriminate, and it pays no mind to what your brain or heart might want to do. I can no longer do laundry, housework, etc. the way I was previously able to. I can't play with my kids, can't work in the yard, I sleep in the recliner half the time, and as I'm sure you all know, sex is the last thing on my mind when I can barely stand the pain. I, too, walk very slow, and my husband being a fast walker has had to adapt to this. My 14 year old can make it into the store before I barely get out of the car. (Though I did get a handicapped placard and thats one of the best things I have ever done). Medications, sleepless nights, depression on top of depression, add the fact that I am bipolar as well and am suffering with the sudden passing of my sister in March, and you can only imagine how stressful it can be. I'm sure I'm quite hard to deal with some days. I'd love to be this "just fine" of which is spoken of, when yall find some of that please let me know, I'm first in line. As far as "letting" our conditions run our lives, I'm not convinced we have a say in the matter. It's just there, kind of like the mole on the end of a witch's nose. It may be ugly, but it's there and part of us, not much we can do about it other than learn to live with it as best we can.

*Hugs to my fellow CP friends. Yes I do believe that even those of us who don't know each other can be called friends, based on the simple fact that we UNDERSTAND.

Hey Exhausted,
Did you ever see the "letter to the normals" that was posted on here awhile back? It opened up a whole new perspective for me and how to communicate with family, friends and coworkers. It was truly the most touching letter I've ever seen written. If you go back far enough you can probably find it.
Take care~

Hello Friends ~

Exhausted I am truly sorry that you even have a need to post such a request. It saddens me when I read posts like yours, you would think that the ones we love should be the least of our worries and we should not have to use what little energy we have in trying to justify our illness to them!

I have posted my situation before; my finacee' (now hubby) and I were hit by an impaired driver, I was 18 he was 21. I sustained several injuries, the worst being my broken knee. Six months after our accident, my leg had to be rebroken and set again to straighten the bones. Many surgeries over the years, debilitating Arthritis set in, in 2001 I had my knee replaced. Things seemed fine after surgery, pain was gone I was no longer taking pain medication, sat down to watch a movie with hubby and son (four months post surgery), went to get up off the floor after the movie, could not walk. X-rays, blood work, they tried a nerve block in my back, nothing works, not sure the reason could be one of two situations; surgery triggered the CP -or- the knee was so bad for so long the brain/central nervous system remapped and here I am today. I am currently taking Methadone for my pain as MS Contin quit working, and still experience pain.

There are days I cannot get out of bed, I am no longer able to work outside the home because I cannot be counted on to be at work every day. Our 10 year old son knows far too much about, doctors, hospitals and a mom that although she tries to be there for him and his father in any way possible, cannot always fulfill her life as a mother and wife. I average about 2 hours of sleep a night, I cannot shop in more then one large store a day (if I buy groceries at Safeway, cannot visit WalMart the same day) as I pay dearly for it for the next few days with crippling pain. Lord knows what the meds are doing to the rest of my body, and my brain has now been irreparably rewired from the meds. I have never; ridden a bike with my son, I cannot run, jump, play soccer (which is his life!) with him. My leg looks like a road map due to the scars and at some point this replacement will have to be removed and my leg will have to be fused as it is in such bad shape the surgeons cannot do a revision on it.

Think of your wife's pain in this way; someone is lighting a match in her pelvic region and it is like a line of gasoline from there to her toes. As it is happening, she feels like simultaneously vomiting and pulling her hair out. It takes all her strength to walk at all but she continues to do so rather then give into the pain. She would likely use a scooter or some other apparatus but you are already questioning her ailment so she tries to carry on in a 'normal' fashion. I know it is impossible to understand what goes on inside her skin, but this is your wife! Never mind comparing her to anyone else, she is telling you she has real pain that should be enough. Isn't it enough we have other people judging us, the ones we love should be the arms we fall into for support.

I apologize Exhausted if I overstepped my place and made assumptions about the way you feel. I know that many people I have spoken to about CP explain it something like this. I just think that it is a shame when we have to justify ourselves to the people we love.

Take Care and ((HUGS))
Crafty

i sustained an injury in the marine corps at 19 yrs old, now at 39 I can not even get myself dressed somedays. I have given up on household cleaning, laundry grocery shopping etc. I have multiple lower back problems with two failed back surgeries, neuropathy in both legs, feet and hips. horrific pain!!! I have an extremely high tolerance to pain and pain medicine. currently taking demeral, which does not seem to help anymore. I am actually having my spinal cord stimulator surgery this tuesday. I did the trial last week and had good results. It was the most relief i have had in over a decade. You may want to look into that. I am truely blessed to have a wonderful husband and three great teenagers, who know how much i hurt and how i try to endure. I don't know if I could handle all my disabilities if i did not have the understanding and support of my family. I truely hope that your husband will realize how much this affects you. You know he should want to understand chronic pain because you suffer with it. Lord forbid something happens to him and he has to live with chronic pain. He would truely be guilt ridden for ever doubting you. I hope you can work it out with him and come to some type of solution. You really need to surround yourself with caring and supportive people. You do not need the added stress of your spouse doubting you. good luck and if i could tell your husband one thing it would be to WAKE UP!!!! this is your wife the love of your life she should at least get the benefit of the doubt from you, and shame on you if you can not be understanding to her situation!!!

I'd be happy to help youp give perspective. He might just think that women have problems. I'm happy to offer a male point of view, read my profile if you want info on me. some people just don't want to hear it or change their opinioins no matter what. good luck

Thank you all for trying to help. Unfortunately, when I tried to read these to my husband, he made it clear he didn't want to hear it. I read it quite loudly to him anyway and his response was that it didn't have the effect I desired. He stated that my pain is no where near as bad as any of the stories provided and that I should be able to function unlike everyone else. He also believed that I should take these stories and push through my pain knowing that many others have it much worse than me. I know so well that there are so many others that have it worse than I do. However, I'm disappointed that he continues to dismiss my pain and belittle my attempts to cope with my condition. Thanks anyway. I appreciate it.