What is Chronic Pain
Chronic pain becomes chronic when it persists longer than 6 months and is resistant to medical management. Millions of Americans are chronic pain patients and some exper...
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On the brink of divorce.. any suggestions?
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I am 33 and have been married for 3 1/2 years. I have had chronic medical issues since I was 21, so my husband was aware of my medical conditions when we met, dated, and yes when he married me. He knew it was possible we wouldn't be able to conceive. The only new symptom is this chronic nerve pain that I have had for the last four years, only becoming worse in the last two. My medical conditions include PCOS, endometriosis, chronic pelvic pain, interstitial cystitis, pelvic congestion syndrome, IBS, chronic nerve pain, and chronic leg and back pain. Now my marriage is falling apart. He says he doesn't think he can be with someone who is sick all the time and now knows he is not ready to have kids with me because of this. I guess some people forget about the in sickness and in health portion of the vows.
My husband seems to think that my medical conditions can't be bad because if they were, my doctors would have admitted me into the hospital for several weeks for observation. He also thinks that I allow my pain to run my life. I disagree. He thinks that when the pain gets so bad that I have trouble walking, I am supposed to push through this excrutiating pain and not let it slow me down. I have heard him say things like I am weak with a low pain threshhold, I don't go to work just because I don't feel like it not because I'm sick, I am not contributing anything to the marriage, and that I am useless at times. THis he says to the woman that works full time, went to school, and still managed to do 90% of the housework, cooking, laundry and ironing, etc. This alone makes me feel like my marriage is over. How can anyone say these things to someone they supposedly love?! His excuse is that he is frustrated. I say that there is no excuse for treating someone so badly because of illness. Of course I would rather be pain free and completely healthy! But that is not the hand that God dealt me. I go to all the doctor's appointments, try nerve blocks that always fail, go to physical therapy, and jump through whatever hoops the doctors tell me to. Yes, sometimes I am unable to work due to one condition or the other. For example, the last time I was out for an extended period of time was due to a menstruation that lasted 10 weeks and landed me in emergency surgery one blood level away from needing a transfusion. I was completely exhausted afterwards while my body tried to rebuild its blood supply and I got depressed. But this man has seen me work 3 jobs at the same time, work two jobs and go to school, and finally get my bachelors degree one month ago. He should know from experience that I am not lazy and I am a fighter. So why has he given up on me know? Any insights? Can anyone tell me if I'm crazy for not wanting his verbal abuse in my life anymore? Does anyone want to explain what he might be going through? Please help. Posted on 06/09/09, 01:06 am |
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Nokaoi, now you really ticked me off! As a person that knows the situation in Cuba (my BIL is from there) and I have been in that island with the church for humanitarian reasons, I can NOT believe that you will come here and post this to a woman that is asking for support. Last night you had another post that ticked me off also! Who in the F'en heck are you to come here and tell anyone in chronic pain about the "barrage" of pain medications that they are on and how those medications are hurting their system! and how she shouldn't complain to her husband or love ones.. Grrrrrr! You have some cojones!
I am honestly over you and your posts. You don't know what you are talking about, you are a jockey without a horse and someone that should not be here posting in this site. I hope that someone will banned you sooner than later. My advice to you........ go to Cuba, and have a nice life! 
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Just saying the facts about my own experience tipper1207, i did say for her to do her own research, and if I had separated myself more during my abusive, pain induced, time, maybe my wife would be alive today., rather than never waking up one morning, as I believe, she died of a broken heart, not being able to help me, and seeing me 24/7 helpless. Not knowing what to do. I'm sorry you seem to misunderstand that what i said is from 'my' truth, 'my experiences, which were dreadful, YOU can never change that which I lived. I really do wish you could. I somewhat question your claim of humanitarianism...How could you say these things?? I wish it will shine a little brighter. I'm sorry you're so vulgar when there is another persons relationship in dire trouble. So much that they are begging the general public to help them find the answers within themselves.. This translates to me, to mean that no posts or experiences given are requiring your approval, or your crass judgements. They are the simply the opinions of others. Just say you don't agree. Be nice! I didnt see much at all, for this woman and man, but people trying to separate them further, I do understand both sides, and all the options, and lived the life, for 9 years.. But mostly I know how destructive pain is. About the drugs, i'd be glad to show you the facts, and lead you toward a better understanding of the reality that is finally starting to surface. Did you hear? Even our own President mentioned this, and is acting on it. Or would you like to meet the 9/11 firefighters, who ended up HAVING to go to Cuba to be finally cured. Just a few years ago. Regardless of your opinion, I stand my ground for the preservation of their love through these times. it is the best pain modifier there is. And losing that can make all of the difference. Everyone here is sooooo frustrrated. Thats what this site was developed for. At least you could help them with your wonderful abilities. In this country, one of the few liberties we really have is freedom of speech and opinion. A difference of opinion and experiences is to be assured, but never is difference of opinion with you, from anyone, inviting your means of hatred and frustration to flow towards them. Just answer with a better means of resolution, a better answer....it's simple! Just remember, you cannot be always right. If you could, you would be in our history books, and this site wouldn't be required. You would have cured all of us. Bashing others and calling their real life experiences trash, because they don't conform to your feelings or intentions, is so very un called for, especially during such difficult times. It only makes it worse for all, and solves nothing. Even you, after releasing all your frustrations, can't sleep better.
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Exhausted....I am trully sorry about these posts with tipper1207, but my concern is only for you and your family. I hope you could understand what I said. As stated, it is only my opinion, related to my own research and development, and my own life. My preference is that your answers can be found in your own back yard. My suggestion may or may not be a resolution possibility for you, but you heard the option.. The mention of other countries is made purely in the light of affordability and resolve. I hope you and your husband can find some light as to what your love was before, and what it can be again. Finding your health is the largest concern, and my answers stand as stated. Sometimes some people have ulterior motives. I am not one. I wish you and your husband better weather, and sunshine through the clouds..God Bless You!
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Nokaoi, you sound like you're referencing Michael Moore's "sicko". Is that where you are getting some of your info? Cause I think some of that was just for the cameras. Just wondering.
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