Children Of Divorced Parents Support Group

My parents divorced when I was eighteen months old, so I have no memories of when my family was together. At times, there is a certain amount of bitterness surrounding that lack of experience. At a young age, I would shout these feelings out at the sky: "my friends' parents seem so happy, why can't mine be? their family seems perfect, I want mine to be!", "why did mommy and daddy have to fall out of love?", etc. All this came to light when my Kindergarten teacher asked the class to draw a time in their life they wished to revisit. I drew a house surrounded by snow (I was born in winter), with my parents smiling happily inside. I got on an A on the project, and my Mom made sure to assure me of both her and Dad's love after that.

However, my family's situation was not an ideal one. The cause of the divorce was my father's drug abuse, and all the many complications that come along with it. While he did have visitation after my mom left him, little of it was spent bonding with me. I truly believe the main reason I had such a hard time growing up in a split family was not because of the actual divorce, but because my dad never took the position of the father figure I desperately needed. I think this goes for many on this board, as well.

From what you have posted here, your situation does not at all sound like mine, or any other with similar stories of parental dysfunction. The very fact that both of you will be actively and lovingly involved in your sons' lives is amazing. The rest of the positive things you listed - finical support, visitation, as peaceful as a divorce as possible, etc - will only make things easier. While everybody's reactions are different, I am almost positive that the divorce will not be detrimental to their health. I'm sure they will be absolutely fine. However, there may be a few times where insecurities arise, where you will have to give them some extra reassurance of both parents' love.

On the other side of things, I am sorry your relationship with your husband is not doing so well. This must be hard on you, and I just wanted to say that I care.

with love,
erika

erika,

You have no idea how much your reply has helped me. I just needed to hear from someone who has been there that they will be ok. You are a very compassionate person who has a good heart... I can tell that by your reply.

Thank you so very much...

Is there any way a counselling might help to keep the family together?
You just had your kids together, this is so new to both of you and so hard on the relationship, but when you had kids one after the other, and you both love the kids, what can be done to go back to the time of conception and revisit your initial commitment?
Sorry, no matter how loving you are, it is not the same, my kid is suffering a lot and I along try to fill in the blanks for what she is missing. She is only 5 years old, we have been separated for a 21 months, I know what I am talking about.

My little brother was about 2 when my parents split up. My parents divorce was a very messy one and my older brother and I got caught in the middle. My little brother on the other hand can't remember a time when our family was together and he has a strong relationship with both our parents. He's incredibly clingy for a 12 year old but in general he's okay. His entire life he has been passed from one parent to the other but because both homes are stable he's done okay. I wish my parents had split when I was younger so that I wouldn't remember everything that happened. I watched my family unravel between 1st and 3rd grade. I was only 7 when suddenly I was in charge of taking care of my little brother and making sure that nothing bad happend to him. I know it sounds weird but I know it would have been easier if I didn't remember how we used to be a happy family.