Children Of Divorced Parents Support Group

My parents got divorced in April when I was in 5th grade. I'm in my second semester of college now. It's been a good 8-9 years. I remember the day perfectly. My mom packed her things, my dad was yelling, she left. He kicked her out. I remember their marriage was never even great. I remember the days my mom was crying, when my dad would hurt her. I saw and had to accept a lot as a kid. I remember he wasn't even there for us because he was busy getting into trouble. I forgot I had a dad at one point, life was great, till he came back. I was only 5. Then hell began. I've been stuck with my dad throughout these stupid years. I thought I'd be settled in a home by now. I never liked my dad. We never got along. He never understood me. He doesn't know anything. He's not someone I can go to. I mean he's done stuff for me, but that's what dads do, especially if they weren't there much during your childhood... I've been cleaning the home, taking care of most things, I've been the mom. and I get unappreciated. I get yelled at more, and disrespected. I homeschooled all of high school. My mom has always been super religious. My dad thinks he is... I lost so many friends. My biggest anxiety is being alone, forever, or being stuck here, forever. I'm so so scared of it I can't even explain it. I feel like no one will ever love me because of this life. Right now I really don't have any friends. They all got taken away. Anyways, I started cutting like last year or more cause of him. I've always had depression ever since this divorce. No one gets it. Ever since I've been stuck here. It just got severe throughout the years. Once I began cutting I knew something is wrong. My mom takes it as a joke, she doesn't think it's serious. She thinks I do it to myself. I can't tell my dad, that's the last thing I'd do. I just want help. I keep denying it, I keep trying to heal myself, but I can't. It comes back eventually all the time. I want help. I just can't get it myself. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I'm even scared to get help... help me?
Posted on 06/14/12, 03:22 am