Children Of Divorced Parents Support Group

Have you all sat down to talk about this? You and your sisters. Do you think that maybe that would help? It has to be awfully hard on you and your family. And, no - parents don't give up their responsibilities as a parent because they divorce. At least they shouldn't. Sometimes (a lot of times) women and men go through what I call a "temporary insanity" after the break up of a relationship. It can be so overwhelming (especially if the break up had to do with another woman or man) that they lose sight of everything around them and are obsessed with filling that void of rejection and look to fill it at any cost. It's not that they don't love those around them, but they HAVE to make things right for them before they can go on. There's the "pity party". And, that's okay, if it's just about you. But, the truth to that "pity party" is that it's a selfish thing to do when you have others that depend on you. You just can't do it. You have to find other ways and apparently your mother can't see that right now.

You sound like a such a wonderful and caring young woman. Your sisters are so lucky to have you. Your mother too. I'm sorry that you're having to deal with all this. And, no - it's not right for you to have to take on these responsibilities. Unless you can change this situation somehow - it's likely to just continue. I know that you don't like it, but until you can go on your own - what choice do you have?

Try your best to think of your future (school-school-school). Be a role model for your sisters. It will help them become strong individuals, as you. Although it may seem a thankless job at times - you can make a difference for them and yourself. While doing these things though, remember that you are only in control of yourself. You are not capable of controlling anyone else's thoughts or choices. Only yours. Just do your best and don't forget about your dreams. They're yours and you deserve them.

I feel you hurting and disgusted - you sure have that right. In time everything will have it's own way of working out, I promise you. I commend you for your strength and concern. Keep moving forward as best you can - you will find your way and be a better person because of it. I'm here for you - you're not alone. Big hugs to you.

Write a letter to her and tell her all your concerns. Give her a deadline for straightening up, like an ultimatum. After that you can take her to child services, what she does is neglect and abuse. She needs to understand how bad she can harm you, she cannot have it both ways, she is either a good mom, or a selfish one. She has to make the choice and the sacrifice. You can make an agreement with her that you would baby sit your sisters, so she can have some fun, for as long as she behaves responsible(no driking). I understand your care for your sisters, but you have to take care of yourself. You will be in much better position to help them, if you graduate and get a good job. You would even be able to get their custody, should your mom continue or get worst in her behavior. You need to be firm with your mom and pick the right time to talk to her. I believe a letter would state what you need to tell her without the pitty party. You an even mail it to her. Be strong, you are right and you will always be proud of yourself for doing what you do now!

You definitely should not be bearing the brunt of your parents divorce and I know that it is hard when you have to be the parent at 20.

Is there anyone else in your mother's life that can help you with this issue? Does she have siblings or parents or even close friends that would be able to support you in talking to her about this? I think you need to sit down with her and others that love her to tell her what impact this is having. And remind her that, although she has been 'done wrong' in the past, she shouldn't 'do wrong' to her children now.

But definitely don't do this alone. You need someone to support you and maybe lead the conversation. I know that our parents often ignore what can be very reasonable advice from their kids just because they remember our first incoherant babblings and think we still babble. But coming from a peer, it might have more of an impact.

I wouldn't call social services yet. That would have a huge impact on your life and may not get you where you need to me. But if you or your siblings are in any danger, definitely call.

If the talk doesn't work, have a backup plan. See if your mother's parents/siblings/friends would be able to take the younger kids for a while. You can handle the situation, you don't necessarily need to leave. But they need to be somewhere that can take care of them, at least until your mother realizes what is happening.

I know that this is a tough situation for you and although I can't say that I know what it is like, I do know that you love your mother and your siblings. You have great priorities and you are trying to do the right thing. Remember that when things get rough.