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Parents Divorcing
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Two years ago my mom cheated on my dad with his best friend and they worked things out soon after. My dad told her she wasnt to talk to him again if they were going to make things work but she never stopped talking to him . It got worse and my mom ended up sleepin with this man more than once , met him on severeal occasion at hotels , and got another phone just to communicate with him by phone and email. I didnt know if i was the right person to tell my dad but three weeks ago i told him everything i knew and gave him what evidence i had. My father came home every night for almost 4 year to my mom and i dont see how she could sleep in the same bed as him knowing she was sleeping with his best friend. After i told my dad we both moved into an apartment and have been here for about 3 weeks. Last night my mom and little sister came to sleep over at the apartment and i didnt think anything of it. I walked into my dads to tell him it was time for him to get ready for work because i thought he was asleep. He was performing a sexual act on my mom and i immediatly walked out and cried. When he came home from work in the morning they had sex again and didnt even have the decency to close the door while my sister and i were here. They are supposed to divorce and my dad says he will never be able to be with her again because he feels betrayed and this is the second time. I have heard him tell me how hurt he is and to see him and my mom intimate makes me angry for some reason. I feel somewhat disrespected because i too live here. I dont see any reason why he would want to do anything sexual with a woman who lied and betrayed him. he has made great progress with dealing with this whole predicament and i feel that by him sleeping with her he took ten steps backwards. should i confront him about what i saw them doing or just leave it alone? Im having alot of trouble dealing with this and its making me not want to eat or sleep. Any advice is really appreciated. Thanks
Posted on 07/05/12, 09:10 pm |
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confront him! why should you be tortured for their ignorant and immature mistakes. 
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I had a situation similar to that with my mom and her boyfriend and it was awful, but you should talk to him. It always better to clarify things and you'll feel better not having that "eating" you inside.
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Anyway to move out? Some space and boundaries would help you. Otherwise, I'd have a frank talk with both parents.
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Unfortunitely, some parents do not always think about the ripple effect of their actions. You have been very mature in confronting your dad in the past. I think you kind of feel that it is a lost cause and what you say didnt matter, but I'm sure if you talk to him again you both have similar thoughts and both struggle with how to handle the situation. Its not your responsibilty by no means, but you also have to look out for your well being.
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The hard truth is that you can't help who you love. And even though your mom has betrayed your dad, he still loves her. He has children with her and for that they will always love each other. I'm embarrassed to admit that however hurt I was my ex husband, I always allowed him in my home even though I knew better. I just wasn't ready to let go. I knew he was seeing other women, but that was my moment to hold on to the memories I feel I lost. None of which makes any of it okay. but I agree with all the other comments, talk to them. Let them know how you feel. Ask them to be respectful and meet up when you are not home. It's not fair to you or your sister to be put in the middle of their merry-go-round.
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I completely understand how disturbing all of this is. You deserve to not have to see all of this. I would talk to your mom and dad about how this is affecting you. Set up some boundaries and in the meantime work toward creating your own safe space.
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