Monday May 30, 2016
ok so not a great night! but am determined to reach my goal. this is just a minor setback.
WELL WHATS THERE O SAY? THIS GOAL IS GOING IN THE SHITTER REAL QUICK! STRESS, STRESS AND MORE STRESS.
STILL DONT WANT TO TALK BOUT IT!
So things have been better lately. I decided that it was time to stop spending all my nights that my kids weren't here sitting on the couch, watching tv, with my cat. So, I joined match.com. I started talking with this guy. We've had several dates. I really like him. He seems to like me. At least that is what he has said. We have at least texted daily. There have been a few nights when I...
So much for time being a healer! Not sure i even believe in that any more. Its never ever going to go away, never going to stop. it dont matter what i do, how i try to change. were i go he will always decide, always control, always make me relive the nightmare! thats what they do its like a never ending loop, the moment you start to feel relief they crush you again. there always there never let...
I broke down and sent him a ton of texts the other day. I cant seem to keep myself from talking to him. Since the case was dismissed i feel a desperate need to make things better between us. But he wants nothing to do with me. Its totally fucked up. he persued me, he ruined me, he begged me to stay, he begged me to come back and now that i want to he wants nothing to do with me. I am the one that...
SO OK I KNOW MY SOCIAL SKILLS LEAVE A LOT TO BE DESIRED BUT I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO REACH OUT FOR SUPPORT TO HELP ME GET THROUGH THIS. I GUESS THIS IS THE WAY THINGS ARE MENT TO BE FOR ME. THANK YOU SO MUCH TO MY DEAR HUMANS ON HERE FOR ACCEPTING MY FRIENDS REQUESTS, THE HUGS, MESSAGES, ADVICE AND OCCASIONAL CHATS. I HOPE ALL TURNS OUT OK FOR YOU AND IN TIME YOU WILL HAVE VERY GOOD AND REWARD...
So, here I am. I've been doing very well considering my mental state. I have been eating good and working out almost every day. I take breaks from the working out on the weekends.
Mentally - I still cry practically every day, but it's getting better. I still miss him. I miss him a lot. But, I haven't text him since last Saturday night. I said, "Going to hopefully drink you off my mind tonight." H...
Monday, December 28, 2015 |
by: MachoOroz...The rage that sits inside my soul is so tight and full. Swollen with the fullness of painful emotions.
Her first fourth of July I missed, he first time rolling over, crawling, I wasn't there. Her ears pierced, her doctors appt, I wasnt offered to go. She's teething, I'm not there to console her. Halloween, thanksgiving and Xmas, and soon to be, New year's too. All the milestones of my first...
It has been more than 6 years since years since I began rambling on here; my little boy is now almost 7 and in the first grade, I lost my job (along with 5 other people) to a spiteful and vindictive manager, health issues are now becoming a reality (mostly weight gain) as a result of aging. I began planning a WILL because you just never know, and placed a lot of thought into the care of my son an...