Chemotherapy Support Group

There are some things you can do. Is he the sort of person who finds it helpful to talk? Even if not he might find it helpful to call a helpline or get some counselling. My stepdad finds it very hard to talk about these things but he benefitted from counselling. Many places offer it free or pay what you can to cancer sufferers and friends/family. Try contacting some cancer charities who can suggest local places, also speak to your husband's doctors about the way he feels.

Does he have any interests? Try to keep his mind off his illness. My mum knitted and sewed and listened to audiobooks as well as going out for short walks and gentle exercise. Anything that will get his mind off his illness is great and if it also involves gentle exercise thats even better. I walked my mum to the end of the road where there is a small park, we sat there or had a coffee in the cafe and then went back. It was only a very short distance but she was moving and out of the house and that helped.

Mum is of the opinion (and I tend to agree) that the usual advice to rest is not entirely correct. Not for everyone anyway. My mum found it helped her more to keep busy within reasonable limits. Lying in bed all day drove her nuts and made her feel much worse. She kept working as long as she could so she kept her brain active and met people. This way she did not feel so helpless and did not brood on her illness. She also spent time researching the best treatment options and finding the best care and kept meticulous notes on what she had done, medication taken, dates of appointments and what was said.

I hope some of this is helpful. Also remember to take care of yourself. There are charities for carers who can help you. Give yourself time off, take up any offers from friends/family and treat yourself. My stepdad had to get away several times including when my mum was in hospital. You should not feel guilty about this at all.

The depressing feeling is part of it. That was the worst part for me. I would just give him his space and he will get over it. Dont expect him to be the upbeat person that he normally is ..it's not possible. When my husband would say something about me not being the same it made me feel worse. I knew that I wasnt the same and couldnt do anything about it. Just be there for him and if he wants to talk ..talk. Just take his lead and it will pass. It's really hard to not be the person that you normally are. Everything you know as normal is not! Your life changes..the way you eat, sleep go to the bathroom. It's a hard adjustment. I was a workaholic who worked 60 hours a week and ran 3 miles a day. Then it was like I woke up and was someone else.I couldnt do any of the things that I loved so much. It's been 8 years now and I have a new normal. Your husband will to. Right now it's all new and uncertain. You have each other and that part hasnt changed..so just be patient and remember that your life has changed also. Coming here is a good thing. You will need support as much as he will. I know how hard it has been on my husband. Alot of people forget about the caregiver and dont understand how hard it is to be the one that has to hold the family together and be strong for the one thats sick. Make sure you take time for yourself that has nothing to do with caring for others. You wont be able to care for him if you fall apart! V

I am going thru the same situation. only it is me that has the ostomy and the colon removed. My husband and children are so so very supportive of me and it helps so much. My friends have given me several types of crafting projects to do and my husband does something special for me everyday. I had to get a different prescription for my nausea because the phenegrin was not working at all. I have had 4 rounds of chemo and each one is harder on me. I use alot of aromatherapy and sound therapy, this helps me to calm down and sleep. I also found that eating green olives and other salty treats help ALOT with nausea. On my worst nausea days, i eat a whole 21 ounce jar of olives, by my self.. And jerky too. I sadly, made and ate 12 trays of homemade deer jerky in less than a week. But, it worked. i feel great. I also watch my favorite movies over and over (embarassingly it is Despicable Me and Ice Age). But having a project really helped me. i was given a knifty knitter set and have made over 40 hats and 6 pairs of leg warmers and 4 sets of sleeves. I now have people wanting to buy my stuff. I also paint ceramics and have tons of color books. I really hope that you can find some comfort for your husband and you as well. This not only affects him, but you too. Just being there and supporting him will make a really big difference. Trust me. On my worst days, they are bad, I had 3 serious bag leaks in one night and the new bag i went to put on was not cooperating with me, i started crying cursing and throwing things. My husband calmly walks in to the bathroom and puts his hands on my shoulders and tells me to look him in the eyes and tells me to breathe and then he asks what can he do to help me. I tell you, this works everytime and I calm down and can do things right. A great start is to talk to him, ask him what you can do or get for him. Let him know that you are there for him. And that we here on dailystrength are here for you. Another great site that i am on is meetostomates.com. a free site for people with ostomies. The support there for people with ostomies and their familits is awesome. I hope you find answers and support that you and your husband need. Sending lots of sunshine, rainbows and giggles to brighten your day. .Reefus