Cerebral Palsy Support Group

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

I have grown up with mild CP. My whole life I was told I was normal, but then at the same time treated "special" by my mother. This has caused me to feel ashamed and embarrassed to mention my CP to anyone, even doctors, because every time I tried to say "I can't do that because of my CP." She would be right behind me telling me I was making excuses. When I would go to PT or horseback riding she would say "See those kids in chairs and stuff, they are disabled ... not you." I now think she was trying to convince herself but it has really damaged me as a person.

All of my life I have dated non-disabled people. But at the end of the day, I never truly felt UNDERSTOOD. So again I felt embarrassed about my CP. Sometimes I would tell people that I got in an accident years ago and that is why I walk with a limp. I've tried to get to know others with CP but I felt like they had nothing in common with me because they were very involved with CP. Every time I mention that I have a disability, I always say "But only a little bit, so not really." Because they always say "You're kidding, I had no idea you were disabled." .... like I need to be in a wheelchair or something for them to believe me.

I've been a part of a disabled dating site for a few years called www.whispers4u.com I think it is a fantastic site. I've made tons of great friends on there and I feel really understood. Because of this, I've stayed a part of that site even while in relationships. I have come to realize that I've never left Whispers because I've always thought it ideal to meet someone with mild CP like myself. And now I have. I met him very recently .... and things are becoming obvious that we are interested in each other.

I have let him know that I am seeing someone, and let my boyfriend know that I am chatting to this new fellow. There is no deciet here.

I have tried on many occasions to talk to my current boyfriend about my CP, but he says things like "You just need to work out, it's not your CP." or "You aren't disabled." One time he even said "Well, if you didn't walk like that (with a limp), then you wouldn't have all the back problems and stuff that you have."

I have never had anyone say "Yeah, I understand how you feel..." So, it's very nice.

My current boyfriend thinks that I am making a big deal out of this guy having CP. He doesn't understand how important it is or was for me to meet someone with CP as mild as mine. He thinks that I don't give him the benefit of the doubt for trying to understand. It's just not the same as understanding it in the first place. When I talk to my new friend, I feel like I'm a whole person, and that a big part of my life isn't awkward or off limits anymore. That I can truly be myself, someone with mild CP. It's liberating.

My boyfriend thinks that I'm flawed because I think this way. He said "African American people don't think they need to date other people of their same race just because they have had similar struggles." I said, "No, because they are allowed to date and marry who they please. I had a deaf friend of mine tell me that if he could only find hearing girls to date, and stumbled upon a deaf girl, that it would be the best thing in the world to him... but that he knows both many deaf and hearing girls so he does not have a preference."

My other disabled friends agree with me and my feelings. My boyfriend asked me to talk to my mom or her boyfriend about it. I did. And they agree with him and think I am crazy. I'm not sure what to feel. Many of my GBLT friends told me they felt similar when they realized their sexual orientation for the first time and/or came out.

Why do I feel as if everyone thinks I'm wrong all of a sudden for feeling the way I feel (excited) about the fact that for the first time in my entire life I have someone who I can relate and be ME around? And why do all of my disabled friends agree with me, but all of my able bodied friends and family do not?
Posted on 05/08/09, 06:05 pm