Caring For Aging Parents Support Group

Do you live with your father or in your own place? It seems as if you will have to carry this burden.

Hello LimeCoco,

I think your father is clingy because he loves you so much. Maybe when he sees you...he feels that you're the only one willing to listen to his complaints. Imagine how he must feel. I understand that you are overwhelmed, but just try to show him a little patience, and compassion.

I agree that you deserve to have free time to yourself, and I commend you for caring for your grandmother. Maybe you could check out supportive services for your father, because you really need assistance. I hope everything works out....take care.

Sabrina

I have moved out from our house when my grandmother died.

I just visit every weekend. I give him money and pay the bills.

Sabrina,

That rings true. I know he loves me so very much. I will try to be more patient. because the truth is, we don't know how much longer we really have with my dad.

LimeCoco,

Since he does not feel that he can depend on your siblings then he is more dependent on you for all his needs. Plus, with things like they are, he is most likely very insecure and that makes him cling to you more because he is scared.

I went through this with my Mom and while she was always told I would take care of any and all her needs, she still would have those spells that she would almost make me crazy and it was because she was not 100% sure that my husband, etc. would influence me possibly to not spend as much time and effort on her. That was far from the truth as I feel I have the best husband in the world and he has been an amazing son in law. He worries that I will overdo and because I have some health issues of my own that I have to keep in check and be careful about so I do not end up unable to do for anyone including myself.

My Mother passed away but she did show exactly the behavior you describe about your Dad and when my first grandchild was born she was so bad and I had to constantly assure her that nothing was going to change in my seeing to her. But, she had a hard time with that. Not that she was not excited about a great grandchild but its that insecurity and my other two sisters would not have been able to do for her as I did and she knew it. One had a husband that would have never allowed my sister to give her attention to anyone but him and my other sister would not take any time to help. SHe thought her job would fall apart if she wasnot there and the sad thing is, she is in the hospital waiting for a double organ transplant and has not worked for beeing so ill and at deaths door over and over again over the past year. And you know what? The hospital she worked at is doing just fine without her! As a matter of fact, they have not gone out of their way to even show any concern or appreciation for her years of hard work while she ignored family. But, that was no ones fault but hers. Sad but true.

Long story, I am so sorry. But I wanted to let you know why you Dad is acting like he is and he will need constant reassurance that you are there for him and will be so he should not worry....but he still will worry about in spite of you telling him that:)

Take care and let us know how things are going for you and your Father.

Your father's clingyness may bother you, but it seems like you are the only person he can talk to. Does he have any friends? Is he in any shape to go to a senior center, if there is one nearby? Maybe even just taking a walk around the block, in the fresh air will help him.

I think that it is very sweet and noble of you to have taken care of your grandmother and now your father. If you are feeling overwhelmed, think about hiring some help.

Best,
Jackie

SInce you are not with him all the time I would let him cling as much as he wants when you are with him. He misses you and loves you and feels desperate and scared. If you were going through his torment, you might cling to your daughter too. He probably wants you to be there all the time, so when you are there on the weekends he wants to make up for all those "empty" days in between. My father was that way. He felt sad when I was at work and when I came home it was as if I hadn't been there in years (of course, his memory was not good). Hang in there. You'll be OK.

Hi LimeCoco

My mother is in her mid seventies, and I have been her carer officially for just over a year now. I know how you feel. I had put my life on hold (post graduate studies and marriage plans) to take care of mum.

She is quite crabby and volatile. We usually end up in a screaming match a few times a week over some small issue. She totally resents me leaving the house for any length of time, which also precipitates a screaming match.

Its very hard to find a balance when you are under such pressure. You are lucky to have a supportive husband at least. Someone told me a while ago that its a wonderful thing that we are doing, by looking after them in their last days. That kinda helps to keep me going, despite wanting to run and hide at times.

If you can avail yourself of some support services that would lift some of the stress burden from you. Mine wont have a bar of outside help, so if your dad will agree to it you are lucky..

I understand how you feel, my birth mother who came down to live, has been living in Va. for over a year. I had been looking after her. Things got so bad with her I had to get help for her with the local community board. This made her mad but she really needed help. SHE had destroyed her nieghbors property on 3 occasions and was doing other things that the nieghbors were complaining about. It was a mind problem that was causing her to do this and partly personality I guess. I feel like its my brothers turn now