Caring For Aging Parents Support Group

O my goodness. What a responsibility for someone so young. That must be hard to deal with, but I bet it is making a stronger person out of you. You've had to grow up fast, I'm sure. I know what it is like to have a mentally ill mother, only my mom never got treated. Be thankful that your mother gets the help she needs. Still, I'm sure you would appreciate some help too. Talk to the people closest to you and tell them that there are times when you need a break. Are you the only child? Is there a father in your life?

PTizzy, God bless you for being there for a difficult mother!

It's hard to cope with that kind of burden sometimes, but it's almost universally accepted that you MUST take time for yourself. Even if it's just an evening out, or if you can pay someone to come in for one day so you can escape that responsibility now and then.

Also, set boundaries if you can (memory loss often causes them to forget the boundaries, but you can try :-). If it's "your" time to watch TV, read, etc. gently remind her that you need that time to recharge so you can help her again.

And prayer can work miracles, helping you to find strength you didn't know you had.

I am like the others here in that my first thoughts after reading your post, Oh my, thats way too much for someone so young!

Are you the only family member that can help or you just the only left at home? If so, its way too common for the to be one family member that ends up caring for the parents. I was the one in my family and while I am a little older than you, I truly do understand as I started having to do the caretaking at an early age.

Do you attend a church or has your Mom in the past? If so, there may be people there that would love to help out a little here and there but they would need to know your needs and sometimes that is not an easy thing.

I do agree with the boundaries thing but as was mentioned, with memory loss, it can be difficult. But, you can post her notes or something to remind of some things. That may sound silly but it was just an idea.

Please know also, that we are here to offer suggestions, be a listening ear and do our best to be supportive for each other going through some of the same things in our lives so we do relate to your problem.

Try to remember to take care of yourself as its very important and come here and vent with us any time you feel you need to talk to someone. Its not an easy time for you and you need to be able to talk to people.

And we hope something will break and you can get some help. Take care and stay in touch here with us.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply to my post.

No, i'm the youngest of three. My two older siblings are 33 yr old fraternal twins. My sister is out of the house and my brother lives with me and my parents.

The responsibility of taking care of my mother just..fell into my lap. My father has a short temper and so does my brother. They both get frustrated easily with her because she has a difficult time understanding her medication. I do it for her because I have patience that my father and older brother do not.

I don't mean to paint a grim picture of my father and brother. They do their part with the bills, groceries, etc.

I don't necessarily believe my mother is sick enough where I feel the need to involve anyone else..yet. Just being able to "get it off my chest" so-to-speak is already helping a lot.

I genuinely appreciate the concern!

Ding!! (That's the lightbulb coming on over my head). That's why we girls, or daughters, are the ones that usually end up taking care of our parents...Our patience!. I'm not making lite of it, I honestly never thought of that before.

PTizzy, I sure do have a lot of respect for you and what you are doing for your mom. I have been taking care of my mom for 10 years now. I use the time (when I'm by myself) early in the mornings, when I can come here to DS. I consider this time as the best time of the day. I also love to run errands to get away and think, smile, interact with people, etc. You need to find time to do the same. You need to be with your friends and have some fun or time alone, which ever you prefer. I hope some of your patience (there is that word again) will rub off onto your brother. He may be older, but you sure are wiser. Take care and let us know how you are doing. Hugs, Laurie

Oh Darn PTizzy, I apologize for assuming you were a girl. AFTER commenting on your post, I went into your profile to get a better understanding of who you are. Whoops! Oh No!!
You know what happens when you ASSUME.
hugs, Laurie

You should click on his MySpace site (it's on his bio). What a PHENOMENAL photographer he is!!! I'm sort of in the biz (a writer) so I recognize incredible talent. I hope you can leverage that, PTizzy!

You're a great daughter to take on so much responsibilities. However, you are very young, and need to have some time for yourself to socialize with friends or going out. There are resources which could assist you in obtaining a PCA (Personal Care Attendant) for your mom's care. This person can administer your mom's medication and assist her in other ways. Talk to other family members, and her doctor for more info.

I really hope you get help because you deserve a break. Live your life to the fullest, and be happy.

Sabrina

I take care of my 84yr old handicapped mom so I can sympathize w/ you. (You can read my past journal for my story)

Prayer & my Faith gives me the strength to get thru difficult days. Before goin to sleep I humblely thank God for gettin me thru another day & ask Him to give us the strength to get thru tomorrow, if His willb done.

Here's 2 prayers I use:
"God grant me the Senerity to change the things I can, Courage to change the things I can & the Wisdom to know the differance."
"Lord, I need Your help even to see the needs of the people around me and to know how to care for them. Give me a heart of Compassion like Yours and opportunities to express Your Love. How can I best serve Thee- Thy will (not mine) be done? Amen.

Faith without work is dead. James 2:14-17

Hope this may help you, take care & God bless you & ur family always.Hugs! Sincerely Johne

I have been a caregiver for my mentally ill mother, so I sympathize with you. I know it can be hard. My prayers are with you.