Caring For Aging Parents Support Group

Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.

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ThePepperMan 05/21/2015

My father is beginning the journey into dementia; things that should be simple annoy him, and basic things are being neglected.

The task at hand is to let him know that he needs to change his clothing more often, and take better showers. Or he needs to shower more often.

He has not taken criticism well in the past, but I know it is only going to get worse, so I have to buckle up and learn how to do this with him.

I think that I'm going to start this out by telling him that his pants (he wears sweat pants all the time) are getting rather worn, and he could use some new ones. I'll volunteer to go to the store and get him some. I'll even get a variety of sizes and colors and he can pick what works for him and I'll take the rest back.

Wish me luck.

And don't be afraid to make suggestions for how I can do this. But remember, this is a guy-guy thing and we take fashion a lot differently than you ladies do! (God help me if it was me having this talk with my mother!)

TroJanThunder 05/21/2015

Giving him choices may make you feel like you are doing the right thing but it will get you no place fast.

I had a similar situation when my Mom did not want to give up a pair of shoes that were urine stained, smelly, and totally worn out.

I tossed the shoes after months of arguing about them that did no good.

Then I got her a nice new pair. She refused to wear them at first, but gave in when she realized she had no choice.

She loves them now.

So I would say just get Daddums some new sweats and toss the old ones.

Or you can keep arguing!

Getingstronger 05/21/2015

Pepperman, I agree with Trojan. Can you look at the size of what he already has and go out and buy him the same size and style in a few different colors? Too many choices can confuse him and make him ornery. I remember that my Mother-in-law didn't wear deodorant and she smelled like BO all the time, even after she showered. I went out and bought her a pretty shower gel, bath sponge and body powder and it really helped. She took to the pretty colors and scents. Maybe that will help with your dad, too, along with new clothes.

ThePepperMan 05/21/2015

Thank you for your suggestions!

HCARD 05/21/2015

Pepperman, keep us informed how this goes. I have had similar problems with bathing, brushing his teeth letting me change his sheets. The smell factor did not seem to affect him. How do you tell a grown man his hygiene is far from hygienic.

ThePepperMan 05/22/2015

Not sure, but getting him to dump the faded and torn and thin sweat pants is at least a step in the right direction.

TroJanThunder 05/22/2015

You remind yourself he is not a grown man any more.

HCARD 05/22/2015

Trojan, your right. I know that, you know that. He keeps telling me he's a grown man who doesn't need to be treated like a child. Arghh

chrissy975 05/23/2015

My mother began smelling and I didn't know why. This was before the dementia diagnosis. It is difficult to tell your adult parent that they don't smell good. The was complicated by the fact that when I told her, she didn't believe me and would ask everyone she saw if she smelled and tell them that I said she did. No one would tell the truth. This did not help me with my plea to get her to take better care of herself.

Now we know she has a dementia and she is further progressed so she gets so confused she wants me to tell her what to do and she has mostly been very compliant. I do all her laundry now and that makes her cloths smell much better:). I agree with giving less choices and limiting conversation to simple stuff. My mother is constantly rubbing her hands together, talks to herself, and writes everything down. Its so very sad.

moresmiles 05/24/2015

I've found treating my mother like a child is the best way of handling her. It's getting easier to do as she seems to be more accepting of my help.

Just act like when a five year old is telling you a story. Then do what you have to.

Best of Luck with everything.

Also, try finding the humor in it. Smiles!

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