Caring For Aging Parents Support Group

You could ask her doctor if there's something they can give her. But emotional outbursts are normal with Alzheimer's. Just one of the many, many things that makes this disease so cruel and nasty. Makes me sad just thinking about how horrific the disease is.

Sara, you are so right. It is a horrible disease and the sad thing is that little funding goes into research.

Not to offend anyone, but AID and many other diseases get much more attention and money and some of that comes from poor decisions of humans. Please, please do not take this the wrong way because my heart goes out to those that suffer from all these horrible diseases and became infected by no choice of their own and its a horrible thing. So I want to make it clear that I am not trying to be hurtful to anyone at all.

When I worked with a Neurologist that was doing testing and research for Alzheimer's, which by the way, two of the meds are now on the market and seem to be helping many people, I asked him why there was not more work being done as he had to be very limited on accepting patients into the program. He told me it was because there was not anywhere near the needed funding to help all those that could benefit from a cure or at least some meds that could slow it down so that families would not be so broken apart in such a dreadful way.

Sorry for the soapbox episode there, really. I did not intend to do that but I do get fired up easy when the pain Alzheimers causes.

Take care and if I were you, I would mention this to the Dr as well. Nothing is more upsetting for us than to see our parents so helpless and be afraid. I hated that when it happened to my Mom and I could do nothing to let her know that what she was so scared of was not even there.

My best to you and please let us know how it going.

gamgam I know what you mean. With breast cancer, the victims are usually young, with many more productive years ahead of them. With AIDS, the gay lobby was extremely strong and effective.

But who speaks for older people who (may I be blunt) are on their way out? If there was more early-onset Alzheimer's, I bet the dollars would flow in.

It's all about the squeaky wheel, I'm afraid. And Alzheimer's is so unbelievably cruel because of what it does to the mind. My poor mom was the very dictionary definition of a Christian, and I still wonder why God allowed her last years to be lived in a ball of confusion. Although I must admit she was cheerful to the end, so maybe He was with her all along. Actually, she was probably the only one who didn't realize what was going on, at least after those first few months...thank God!

Hi Ann-Jo....

Exellent points have already been made, so I'll just add that my mom also has emotional outbursts, but instead of crying....she yells, and often curses. I feel your pain, and will keep praying for you, and your mom. *Hugs*

Sabrina

Sometimes I think the "death panel" is already there--it is just a lack of money or drive to do anything for the aged unless they are already healthy (there are people in their 90-to100's). I think apathy without aggressive (efficient) and competent is what many older people face. Also, it appears even among the younger crowd, they/we have to diagnose ourselves and tell the doctors what to do before anything is done. My mom when to church for every service, read the bible everyday, and prepared several dishes for every banquet their church had.

competent care, I mean. Thanks for your input and support!!!

Doctors and nursing homes really don't want to invest any time (although they'll bill you plenty anyway) into helping the elderly. They just want them out of the way. It's too bad your mother is depressed, but at least she isn't getting violent or agitated; then no one will want to care for her. This stage will pass and she'll enter into another phase. Hang in there. It's not easy and there's no solution to how to handle things.

I take care of my fiance's mom on a daily basis, his father is an 84 year old retired surgeon, so that alone tells you he has absolutely no patience... she has senile dementia, It is horrible to see how much these diseases rob people of their dignity.

Needless to say, she repeats herself constantly and askes the same exact questions over and over again. This drives her husband insane and he loses his temper with her. I can see where it would unnerve him after a while, but I can only pray that he could find just a bit of compassion in him. I guess he feels that paying me to come over daily to take care of her while he continues his life is doing his part.

What the family don't understand is, Although she forgets what you just told her, she is still aware of what goes on around her, she is aware that she has no memory and is constantly apologizing for forgetting things. They think it is okay that their father has basically written their mother off and pays for me to come in to care for her... when what she wants is for him to take some time each day to sit and talk with her.

don't get me wrong, I do really understand how this can be hard on him. But, I also see what it is doing to her... It is NOT okay for the family to pay someone to come in and take over the day to day care and just walk away from it... she still needs her family in her life. She is also still aware enough to know that they avoid her.

It is so sad for me to sit there with her and have her tell me she does not know what she would do without me. To hear her tell me that I am better than an Angel to her right now... I cannot imagine what she must be going through, what demons she must be fighting in her head... this is just a southern saying!! LOL... But, to be aware that you are literally losing your mind has to scare the hell out of these people!!

I understand them having emotional outbursts... I understand them acting out in anger and hatred, I understand when they have to feel like their entire world is closing in on them.

Hang in there, we are all in this together. No one who has cared for a parent in this stage of life will go without their rewards one day. Always remember what that parent did for you, how much they sacrificed their own life to raise you, I will gladly care for my own mother with as much love and patience as she gave me growing up when her time comes!!

God Bless everyone here!!!!!!!

OMG, Livinmylife, when you wrote this I almost broke down:

It is so sad for me to sit there with her and have her tell me she does not know what she would do without me. To hear her tell me that I am better than an Angel to her right now... I cannot imagine what she must be going through, what demons she must be fighting in her head... this is just a southern saying!!

That was my mom to a "T"!

My brother had given her an antique book of Frances Havergal's poems (Havergal wrote many familiar hymns). When my mother went into the nursing home I saw that she had bookmarked a poem that began:

"Lord, is it still the right way though I cannot see Thy face?
Though I do not feel Thy presence and Thine all-sustaining grace?
Can even this be leading through the bleak and sunless wild
To the City of Thy holy rest, the mansions undefiled?"

I remember losing it completely, because it meant that she did know she had "demons" and was trying to see to the other side. She must have read that poem over and over, I suppose.

I HATE this disease!!!

Hello livinmylife,

after reading your post...I was moved to tears because everything you said was true. I feel so much heartache over that poor woman you're caring for. She really needs her husband to show his love and attention during such a dreadful time in her life. She cannot help what has happened, and as you mentioned, "the demons she's fighting in her head" can be pretty scary.

Mom's having a very hard time with it also....she's emotional, repetitive, and impulsive. And there were days when things became quite stressful during our interactions. In spite of what the dementia has done to her, she seems to be at peace with herself now. Whatever the reason may be, I'm also at peace since she told me not to worry, because she's happy. Mom has been, and will continue to be surrounded by her family and friends. She will never be isolated away from those of us who love her....because she's always been there for us.

Sabrina