What is Caregivers
A voluntary caregiver is the modern terminology for an unpaid spouse, relative, friend or neighbor of a disabled person or child who assists with activities of daily living and ass...
Join Now
|
beyond stressed
|
Watch this |
| View More Posts Ignore |
i just don't know what to do anymore. i can never do enough. my grandparents moved in with me about 8 months ago. since they moved in their health has quickly declined. my grandmother is bedridden with copd and severe back pain. my grandfather has alzheimer's. i'm a single mother with two young children and a full time job.
my grandmother's in the end stage of copd. she wakes me up about every two hours to give her oxygen from her reserve tank at 10 liters or more. i'm so tired i don't know how i still function. i haven't had a full 8 hours sleep in i don't know how long. i can't even remember the last time i had at least 4 or 5 good hours of rest. i work full time, they have an aide come in M-F from 9-2 and then a friend comes from 2-4 until i get home from work. the only time that i am not here is when i am at work. my grandfather is getting worse everyday. i'm afraid it won't be long before he is unable to go to the bathroom by himself. he tries to stay busy because my grandma just wants him to lay down and rub his back all day every day. he likes taking out the trash. he takes it out even if there is only one thing in the bag. i probably go through 50 trash bags a week. he has always been a bit of a hoarder. i think he is going through the trash. i'm not sure what he's doing. we have two large trash bins outside but about once a week i find he has put the trash under the back porch and animals have torn it up all over the yard. i find things i know i threw away back in the house, under the porch, on the porch. even when i take the trash out myself it sometimes makes it back in. i'm exhausted. my house is a wreck. i'm starting to feel angry and resentful. i've been crying a lot lately. i've been thinking about putting them in a nursing home but i feel guilty. my children are being neglected as well as my grandfather but my grandmother requires so much attention. i just don't know what to do and i'd appreciate any advice. Posted on 11/01/09, 01:11 am |
| 7 Replies | Add Your Reply |
| View More Posts Ignore |
Try contacting your Area Agency on Aging to see if they can offer any suggestions. It does seem, though, that you may have to consider either nursing home or assisted living for them instead of living with you. I know it will be extremely difficult for you, but if you don't start taking care of you first you wont be able to help them at all because you will be totally burned out. Please look for help in your area. 
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Oh sweetie,
You are trying to manage so much! It sounds really, really hard. I think that JSMcD had great advice. Do you have any other family that could help? This should be a shared job, it seems to me. It would be great if a friend could come once a week in the evening so that you could get a break- either by yourself or with your kids. Just knowing that I could count on a little break would help me a lot. United Way has a great referral service... you can tell them what's going on, and they can help you figure out places to call. Hang in there. But take care of yourself- baths with candles after everybody's in bed, a glass of wine and a good book... whatever works. It won't help anybody if you burn out.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Hi! I agree with the others. You need something in the way of respite care. If your health goes, then not only do you suffer, but so will your children & your grandparents. A person can only do so much. There are options as already mentioned - assisted living, etc who can help. There just comes a point in time where the line has to be drawn. Once that is done, you're freed up to get the rest you need, and you can spend quality time with your grandparents in their remaining years, and still have time for your children & yourself.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I'm voting with the others. You aren't doing anyone any good if you are exhausted and depressed. I think you have done about all
you can do for your grandparents. It is time to call in the rest of the family and make other arrangements for their care.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I have to say i commend you on all your efforts. You dont say if you have any other family. SO even if you do have other family seems your the only one doing anything. I can relate to you so well. Your post helped me. Maybe I can help you too. Im new to this web site. I know there is help out there for "other people" to watch our loved ones, but they dont do the job we can. thats how i feel. I dont work and dont have children. I so feel for you. would love to hear back from you. i cant tell you what to do but i can be a ear and maybe help. I care for my 83 year old mom. its only me and my girl friend helps when she can. nothing can compare to you and i commend you.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I agree with the others seek some assistance. Your local Agency for the Aging should help. Depending on their income level they may qualify for more assistance. An aide, or if you attend a church there are volunteers who maybe able to "babysit" once in awhile. You do have to take care of yourself or you won't be any help to anyone. It is a difficult road that's for sure but remember you are not alone. People here can offer some really good advice. Your efforts will be rewarded one day I believe. Good luck
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Hey there,
I wonder how things are going? Keep in mind that if you aren't ready to make a decision about this yet, it still might be a good idea to find out what is available- what you could do if you decided to. Hang in there. We're all plugging for you.
|
|
|
|
||
| Add Your Reply |
