Caregivers Support Group

Hi Pamela,

I am so sorry to hear about your father and then your mother having a stroke shortly afterwards--it must be so hard on you.

My husband had a stroke in Oct. 2010. When he first came home he cried all the time, would have tantrums, etc. His doctor put him on an antidepressant which didn't help him much, so switched it to an anti-anxiety medication, which helps greatly. He is much more calm these days and no longer cries, etc. In fact, most of the time, he's quite happy!

Is your mom taking anything for depression and/or anxiety? Depression and anxiety are very common after stroke and could be causing these "outbursts".

Hope this helps. Hang in there! Sounds like your mom is lucky to have you by her side.
Hugs,
Molly

hi pamela! I agree with molly; your mom may need medication for anxiety or depression. we have talked to my grandmother's physician about this and it is very common with patients with dementia. i think some of the fear and frustration the person experiences is released in the wrong way, by taking it out on us. definitely talk to your mom's physician about these episodes. unless your mom is in need of physical help at that exact moment, i would suggest walking away for a few minutes. i find that is a huge help when my grandmother gets angry with me (usually for something beyond my control). a few minutes in another part of the house, with some deep breaths really helps me, plus it will give your mom a few minutes to cool down.

Did she act like this before your father died? People wth dementia have a hard time dealing with change and new situations. The death of your father & all of the changes that go along with that may be making the dementia worse.

You definitely need some help. Look for an agency on aging, local aarp or dementia/alzheimer's group. Ask her doctor(or your doctor) for resources too.

Yes she is on something for anxiaty and depression, our dr said some of it may be attitude. Before dad died she had a minor stroke and she would have out burst telling dad he didnt love her and storm to her room crying. It's just since her second stroke 3 months after dads passing that she has become more aggressive in her out burst, now instead of just accusations she swings and kicks at me if I get to close. and yes sometimes I have to just walk away into another room, but sometimes like when she is sitting on the potty i cant so i'm a very good target when she swings LOL. I know it isnt funny but sometimes you gotta laugh cause I just can't cry all the time. Her Dr said demensia is hard to diagnose but he feels some of it is her attitude and perhaps behavoral. ie mom was spoiled her whole life and that hasn't changed LOL.

I agree, You need to talk to your mom's doctor and get the proper meds prescribed. Its a difficult process that takes some time because the meds do take time to react. and it takes time to know the proper dosages and the proper timing of giving the meds. You cant change them too quickly.When I first brought my wife home from the rehab it was pure he((. She was discharged prematurely and I had no training. Her meds werent stable. At first we were given a fast acting anti anxietal ( ATIVAN) that helped her calm down quickly. But she woudnt take it when she was in a "mood". I have had to physically block the door so she wouldnt walk outside thinking she had to go to her Mom's house at 11 oclock at night. I've had to physically restrain her while she took the ativan. Not fun. Eventually I learned other gentler and more effective strategies. I will never directly contradict or challenge her view of the world.She used to demand that I drive her to her Moms house 5 hours away. Iwould take her in the car and drive her around town for 30 minutes until she forgot where she was going in the first place.( dementia can be your friend. lol) Best to just ignore it and redirect to another topic. RE-DIRECTING is a fabulous strategy. Good luck, you have my utmost respect - I know how hard it is..

Redirecting is a wonderful Idea I do that often, being so new to this i'm learning things slowly and I have to agree sometimes the memory loss can be a gift LOL. I may not always beable to count on getting her mind off of a mood but I can always depend on her forgetting about it if I just wait it out.
So far the ativan seems to be working, we havn't had an outburst in 2 days (crossing my fingers it stays that way)

PS. So sorry to hear about the passing of your father 6 months ago.:( Your mother has also likely not been able to grieve either, and may think / or just feel something is wrong and cant identify it but with your father gone she likely has a void.. Perhaps some suggestions from a professional( social worker or grief counsellor) could help as to whether she needs to grieve or is it best left alone. I have no idea.. My wife's emotions are largely suppressed now ( meds) which is good because she cant control them. And dont forget to find some time for you to grieve also. You are dealing with a lot, and it wont all stay suppressed forever.I hope you can open up with a trusted friend.
(( Hugs ))

sorry to hear of all that your dealing with now, you may want to go over her medication with a pharmasists, as many meds them selves can cause big issues, even drugs that suppress the immune system like methatrexate can cause MAJOR depression and bouts of anger...i found this out with my lady who also had stroke, her ignorant doctor neglected to do neccesary blood work to check the level in her system, and early one morning i walked into her room to discover she was hemorhaging from sores in her mouth and throat due to the methatrexate and her coumadin being too high..

In the mean time,is she on any type of homecare or respite care??

Meritimer, Yes my mom does grieve, she remembers dad and knows he's in heaven she cries often for him and in that I let her be so she can grieve. I took her to a new Dr and her meds have been changed I have been seeing many changes that are some what better, and thank you for your condolances and hugs :)

Mingtoy64, Mom had an idiot Dr as well, we changed Dr's and now her meds are under control and she is doing a little better in her outburst, No there is no homecare or respite, I've applied for the advantage program and am in waiting to see if she qualifies for someome to come in 4 hours a day to help out. For now it's just me, and my husband on his two days off a week.