Caregivers Support Group

hi pecan,
you've got alot going on! my mom is 84. she had a stroke 3 yrs ago which left her immobile and really affected her speech. there are 3 of us "kids" left but, i'm the only daughter. my brother and his boys live with her and i live next door. i'm there with her from 7am til 4 or 5pm EVERY DAY. then i go back and take care of her every couple of hours until bedtime.

as far as your mother's illnesses, i really don't have any advice for you. i just want you to know that you're not alone. this is probably the hardest "job" you'll ever have but, it's also the most rewarding. our moms took care of us and now it's our turn to give some of that back.

i've seen 1st hand the kind of treatment she got in a nursing home. she was in there 30 days before we could bring her home and i truly believe that she would have died a long time ago if she'd had to stay.

all i know to tell you is enjoy the time you get when there's someone else there to stay with her. and pray for strength and guidence.

best wishes and may God Bless You

I lost my mom about 18 months ago at age 83 after she fought congestive heart failure for over two years. I then lost my younger sister of 53, last Christmas after her 5 month battle with brain cancer.
During those times, I learned that we have to do the best we can to take care of those that we love, make them comfortable, let them know that they are loved, and in the end accept the outcome that we have no control over. I know that you love your mother dearly and want the best for her. Taking care of her to the best of your ability is all that you can do. As your mom's mental capacities diminish, be patient, look her in the eye when you talk with her, get down to her level, and understand that she doesn't understand. My sister conned a phrase that she carried with her till the end, "Lord keep me a fruit on your vine, not a vegetable". She did not want to be a burden to anyone, and she did not want to live without clear thought and reasoning. As you continue to take care of your mom, reflect upon her life, remember all the great things you shared with her, and do what you can to make her comfortable, but in the end, understand there are some things we have no control over.

Hi Gonepecan.

If you want to find out about the different stages go visit the Alz site. They have a very good definition about the different stages and what can and will happen.

I also suggest you visit the Alz forum here on DS, it's a wonderful site where people like you and I are dealing with this disease. My mom too has Alz/dimentia and although she had to be placed in a NH and I'm not her full time caregiver, I know how devestating it can be.

Hugs.

{{{gonepecan55}}}. I just want to say I know how hard it can be to care for an ailing parent and feel like your siblings aren't really helping out. It's hard and, for me, caused a lot of resentment to build up that I still am trying to let go of (it's been almost sevn years since my dad passed). I will write more later but I just wanted to pop in and say you are not alone.