Bullying Support Group

I was molested, hit and verbally abused throughout all my childhood and teen years. I had severe depression, nervosa anorexia, anxiety, suicidal attempts and attachment disorders since the first grade. I never recall bein different at school, but people who knew me told me that I used to shout and scream a lot *my abuser only language*. I used to have soo much anxiety that kept me restless. I certainly have drew attention and this all has caused me to be the *black duck* at school. I was bullied, left alone, avoided and in the third, forth and fifth grades i developed a very aggressive attitude that made me even more alone. But reduced the bullying because i started to bully other kids myself. This soon has stopped in the years following as my mental illnesses become more severe. I was bullied again from year 8 till year 12. Graduated, went to college and my policy was to stay alone, so that they dont see that i am weak. I have been completely isolated for two years. I am very focused on school tho, and my performance is excellent. Yesterday tho i was sitting with college mates and i stuttered in a word. One of them has rolled her eyes with a seriously mean facial expression. The other looked at me in a similar way. I soon excused myself and got up, one of them took my chair fast with a *sigh*. I am terrified that they have discovered that I am someone they can mock. Terrified that they discovered that I am weak and bully-able. I had 3-4 panic attacks since then. I can imagine how they will start makin fun of me. I am 19 now, i dont want to be bullied again :'(
Posted on 07/23/12, 02:50 am