Breast Cancer Support Group

It is soo sad to read about your friend and what her life has been like and what she is going thru now.

Will she consider counseling? Seeing someone at the American Cancer society? There are phone numbers she can call and just talk, ask questions with other bc survivors.
One website and most likely more will match you with someone similar to your situation.

http://www.lbbc.org/ This one has a helpline.
http://www.cancer.org/docroot/home...

http://ww5.komen.org/BreastCancer/...

http://www.tnbcfoundation.org

Most if not all of the above websites have "help" numbers.

Your friend will be in my prayers.

Thanks for the sources. I've looked at a few of them before, some of them were new. I'm not sure about counseling, she doesn't seem to want to relate to anyone. But is that a front? I don't know.. She seems to be trying to persuade us that it not because of Breast Cancer that she wants to just let herself die, but I know it's very big in the matter.

She's probably got a mix of worries about getting married and having kids. That and I don't think she grew up with a healthy view of herself. One of her doctors told me that she may not have grown up with a good definition for women. She grew up in a setting that didn't look very highly upon women. She's a beautiful girl, though, and she knows it. Maybe she just feels like if that beauty was taken from her (Though I think she'd look just fine even without breasts) maybe she thinks it would lose her her worth, like that was her only chance at having a life.

I don't know; it makes me sad to think about it. But thanks, you know, I'll try asking her cousin if he thinks we can do anything about talking to other survivors. I know a lot of people must have concerns like hers.

But I was wondering: Do you think there's anything I, personally, can do for her about this? I know a lot of people would say to take the pressure off of myself so I don't get too stressed or burdened, but I really feel responsible for her wellbeing.

I'm the cousin by the way... I'm looking for answers as well. If you guys could help, anything would be appreciated. She's really not doing well. She dropped out of college just a while ago and she's moved up by us (my mom and I). My mom's been like her Godmother, but we've never been too close since her parents (my dad's cousins) died four years ago. I'm really worried about her... please help!

You two are helping her by coming online and looking for help.
Be there and take signals from her to see if she wants to talk about it.

Being that young with BC there is a good chance she could have Triple Negative Breast Cancer, this is the type that usually strikes younger women but not always.

It is very aggressive but we have surgery, chemo and rads for treatments. Does she have family history of cancer?

Did she ever have a biopsy? Is she seeing a surgeon or doc?

Being that young she may also be at risk for having a brca 1/2 inherited mutation. She needs to see a Certified Genetic Counseler who will advise on whether she needs this test.
http://www.facingourrisk.org

My daughter after learning I had a mutation, being a college student, was able to see a Genetic Counselor at a large hospital for free.

If she won't call a helpline number than maybe one of you could get the ball rolling to help save your friend and call. You've already begun that process.

Good luck and keep us posted.

You guys are in an extremely difficult position. Our society puts a high premium on breasts as one of the main hallmarks of female sexuality and beauty. If she has not had a strong family backing to provide her with a better basis for self worth, she doesn't have much of an alternative but to rely on the social cues she gets. As guys, she probably assumes you buy into them too but are just being nice in not telling her so - it's unfair and obviuously unwarranted.

I'm getting this from what you wrote. You did write that she knows she's beautiful. If she's busty, she might have gotten a lot of male attention for that. If so, she might have invested alot of her awareness of her beauty in her feelings about her breasts. Or....I could be completely off the mark.

Please don't kid yourself - If she has been diagnosed with breast cancer and does not get any treatment, it will likely kill her eventually; however, surgery is not the only option. Depending on the size of her tumor and whether it has spread to her lymph system, she might get by on chemo and/or radiation. Unfortunately, the best way to know whether it is in her lymph nodes is by checking them visually, during surgery (Xrays and MRIs won't give you a definite answer). The only other way I can think of is if they find mets in other parts of her body (i.e. the cancer spreads) which is not a good way to know.

If you truly want to help her, I suggest you tell her you will support whatever decision she makes even if you do not agree with it; however, you want to go with her to her oncology appointment and just listen/support her. This way you can make sure she's told all of her options and that she 'hears' them. You can also make sure she expresses all her fears or you can express them for her by putting them forward as if they were your own fears. She needs an advocate now more than ever.

Counseling is an excellent idea and you might offer to attend that with her as well. This will be a large investment of time and emotions for you but she needs this now from whomever she will accept the offer.

Surgery is not only mastectomy. Lumpectomies remove the tumor and conserve as much of the breast tissue as possible. She might be a candidate for pre-chemo, in an attempt to shrink the tumor so less is needed to be removed. I had my single mastectomy in July, 2008. It is a huge adjustment to see yourself without a breast. I was 47 with a grown son and a wonderful support nertwork. Even with all that, it wasn't easy. In her early 20's, I would guess she doesn't yet have the maturity to cope with this on her own. Nobody should have to. Throw in the background of abuse you describe and it is no wonder she just wants to curl up in a ball and wish it away.

Remember that you cannot fight this for her. If she cannot summon up the will to fight, you are waging a losing battle. She cannot afford to remain passive about this. While she is busy adjusting, the cancer only has a single agenda - grow and spread. It does not rest and it has no question about its purpose. Make no mistake; this is a battle - probably the most important battle of her life.

As much as you do not want to be mean or cause her any more pain, you need to be as blunt as necessary (but tactfully and thoughtfully so) in order to help her deal with the import of this situation. At the end of the day, it is her body and her decision; however, if you make all the effort to help her now, you will be better able to accept any outcome later - particularly in light of the time-sensitive nature of this disease.

Good luck to you both and to her. She is very lucky to have you in her corner. Make sure she knows you are there and will remain there. You can read all about stages and treatments here but the only important thing to know is HER stage, type of cancer, and options. I cannot recommend strrongly enough that someone go with her to her appointments, find this out, and get involved with her treatment.

Best,

- Diane

Hey, this is Sam, again. I'm sorry it took a while for me to update you guys. I really appreciate all the advice you've offered, it really helps me understand where she's coming from, but there isn't much I can act upon right now, unfortunately.

My friend is no longer in our area, anymore. Presumably, she went off on her own a while ago, taking all of her things. We don't really know where she is. I guess. . . she got sick of all the pressure, and wanted to leave to clear her mind. I don't know the full story, that's all that I've been told. Please keep her in your prayers, if you do indeed pray. For now it seems that's all that we can do... Thanks, and I'll update as soon as there seems to be a change.

Samuel

Would it be helpful if she logged on to this website? I find I am more fearful of what I don't know. There is a lot of information here.