Breast Cancer Support Group

Hi Redphish, I'm so sorry to hear about your mother & all she's been thru. Your Mother is so blessed to have you by her side...support is SO important when going thru a cancer dx.

I was dx with stage IIIA, Her2/neu, 3+++, 5 positive nodes. Her2/neu is a very aggressive type breast cancer as I'm sure your Mother's oncologist explained to her. They really have no way of knowing which ones will respond to treatment and which won't...that's why they say 50/50 chance. I was told the same thing. They don't go by the size of tumor/mass...its the pathology report that gives the full picture.

But all that being said I am a 3 yr and 5 month survivor so far. Still NED. (No evidence of disease) :) Knock wood. My oncologist was ALL doom and gloom...I thought I was a goner. I am serious...my oncologist and other doctors gave me NO hope...they just kept telling me that "Her2/neu" comes with a very BAD prognosis. (They had me scared to death as you can imagine.)

But believe me...things HAVE changed when it comes to a Her2/neu dx...it's no longer a death sentence, so get that out of your mind right now. :) Its scary yes...any breast cancer dx is scary. But Herceptin has changed the outcome for us new pioneer woman that recieved it. I know of SO MANY woman that are her2 and doing GREAT....YEARS later. They all had positive nodes too...one woman had 2 positive nodes and she is 7 yrs out from dx and STILL NED. :) Another one is 10 years out and she had 12 or so positive nodes. I could list so many its not funny. All do NOT recur...that's a fact.

I won't lie and say it can't or won't come back...because there is just no way to know which 'might" recur and which won't? Like they say...it's all a crap shoot. But you can't go by that "stats" the oncologist will throw at you because they are ALL OUT DATED, and herceptin was NOT around. And remember...we are NOT stats...those are numbers...we are indiviuals so they have no way of knowing who will do what. Had I believed my oncologist...I would of been gone before my first year. :(

It sounds like your Mother recieved aggressive treatment which is great. She has completed surgery, chemo, herceptin and rads...so she has done everything she possible can to kick cancer into the twilight zone. :)

You asked about how one deals with this? To be honest it hasn't been easy. It's been one heck of a roller coaster ride. But you eventually get to a point where you almost feel normal again and you aren't consumed with thoughts of cancer...but to be honest it takes a while. Some people think we can just do treatment and move on...we wish it was that easy. We will forever have a cancer cloud over our head and its not easy at times. But we get back to what they call our NEW NORMAL.

So just continue being there for you Mother and be patient with her. Mentally and emotionally it can be very difficult at times. The more support someone has the better they do IMHO. If she hasn't joined a breast cancer support group I would highly recommended it...it's nice to talk to others that really understand what your going through.

Sorry this is so long...just trying to answer your questions in some detail in hopes it might give you some relief and lessen your worry and to know your Mother should do just fine. Herceptin really has changed things in a big way! :) If there are any other questions you might have let me know and I'll be happy to try to answer them for you. (You mentioned having anxiety...I deal with anxiety myself and take xanax for it...so I can relate to you on that level also.) Hang in there...things will get better. Take one day at a time.

Regards,

Chelee

Thank you so much for your post! She has an amazing oncologist who actually helped with the studies of herceptin in our state. I am so glad she has him as I have found some doctors still dont use it!! I was heartbroken with eh prognosys she was given as your say her oncologist said it isnt the size of her tumor its the TYPE that is bad. She is on herceptin through september and its already been a year. I went with her to all her appointments and was amazed at the strong and amazing people who battle cancer.

Kudos to you for the support you are giving. I completely agree with you that there are many amazing and courageous people battling cancer.
For myself, I feel like an average person doing the best she can against a terrible diagnosis. It is the struggle aganst this disease that gives us the opportunity to be strong and courageous. For me, there is no other opportunity but to fight with everything I have and can find.

I was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer last year (and told it was the worst kind to have at that time.)

I had a mastectomy followed by 3 rounds of chemo (no radiation was offered/needed). There is no sign of cancer now and I am going in on the 16th for the first of 2 reconstructive surgeries. I cannot tell you how much the support of my family helps me get through.

Just on a note that life with all its little dramas goes on even after diagnosis / treatment, I just found out my job is being moved to East Aurora, NY at the beginning of October, which means I will be unemployed in CA after 20 years on this job. I will not move to NY, so I'll just have to find something here. At least I'll be covered by insurance through my second and final reconstructive surgery.

We just hang in and do the best we can with what we are given.

You are cetainly welcome here. I wish only the best for you and your mother.

- Diane

Thank you so much for your replies. It is amazing how a persons life can change so fast when the word cancer becomes a part of thier daily lives. I worry about my mother every single day. I have so much admiration for the people battling cancer.

I have Stage 3B Her2U breast cancer. I've just finished chemo and radiation and still take Herceptin until Nov. I just take one day at a time and try my best to not worry about it. I had a complete mastectomy and so far so good. There are many good sites which can help with the understanding. Try the American cancer site, The Army of women or the Susan Komen site, they all have good info. Hope this helps Cathy

If you ever want lots of information and support on "just" Her2/neu breast cancer that best site for that is:

http://her2support.org/vbulletin/

Once there click on the "Her2group".

I visit lots of breast cancer sites...but that one keeps you well informed & updated on Her2/neu that you can't find on other sites. Lots wonderful woman and support there.

Chelee

Hang in there and don't let theh C word (cancer) overwhelm you. It is manageable and, however understandable it is to have anxiretuy once that word becomes part of your vovcabulary, please remember it is just the beginning of the sentence, not the end. By that I only mean that hearing about the cancer changes your focus but you can't let it be your sole focus or it will eat you up. Find a way to DO something, ether by research or providing help to your loved one in order to ward off the side of depression you do not want to go along with the anxiety.

Best of health to you and your family.

- Diane