Breast Cancer Support Group

Lizzie,

When we choose either lumpectomy or mastectomy (or no treatment at all) there is always a risk of the cancer coming back. If your mum's doctors are recommending lumpectomy and that is what she wants, just support her in her decision and try not to worry about what might come in the future. She might get hit by a bus tomorrow but do you worry every time she walks out of the house? Of course not.

You are correct that the cancer can hide behind or around the nipple. I'm sure her doctors will address that issue and I would not be surprised if they give her chemo and/or radiation along with the lumpectomy (but they might not feel the need to give her either one). The lumpectomy is much less invasive and there are many women who have gone on to remain cancer free after their lumpectomy.

I know this is frightening for you, as it is for your mum. Hang in there for as many changes of mind she has. You know it is not an easy decision. I'm sure she is afraid of what the future brings, too.

Hang in there - you are a trooper!

- Diane

Thanks Diane. I will support my mum in her decision. But she is my mum and after seeing what she is going through, I don't want her to have to go through this again. With your bus analogy, yes she could be hit by one. But there are measures she can take to avoid it, like crossing at a pedestrian crossing when the lights are green for her, looking both ways before crossing etc and not takin unecessary risks. Sometimes this requires more effort, eg walking up the road to find a crossing rather than crossing where you are, even if the crossing is further from your destination and you have to go out of your way to be safe. In a similar way, I want her to be sure she has taken any measures necessary in this case too. She is having chemo at the moment. She said she was going to have radio as well but that was when she wanted a double mastectomy, I don't know if she will still have it. It is one thing trusting the doctors but she has said that every medical expert she speaks to has a different opinion and they hold it very strongly. How can we know which is right? Her original specialist was in favour of maximum invasion so it did not come back. The hospital have now referred her to a new specialist who is in favour of minimum invasion.

Thankyou for your support

You are so right about taking precautions. I'm sorry if I sounded flip with my bus analogy (not intended). I know what it is like to have doctors with very strong yet differing opinions. I also know what it is like to stand on my own opinion against the advice of specialists. It is not easy and is very frightening; however, after taking all the available information into consideration, each of us has to then make a decision regarding what we can accept and the finfd he medical professional who will support our decisions. It is sometimes hard on the family.

When I chose to have my 3rd chemo treatment (at doctor's request) after the second one put me in the hospital requiring surgery, my son was very angry with me and scared. I had a severe allergic reaction to the third treatment and subsequently declined the doctor's request for a 4th treatment. I understood and appreciated his concern and frustration but it is ultimately my life and my decision, which is probably why I always advise you to support your mum in her decisions. If she is getting advice you do not believe is sound, you might want to look into getting a 3rd, 4th or 5th opinion but, however many opionions you get, you know she will ultimately have to choose and you will have to live with the outcome of her decisions, good, bad, or indifferent.

I know it is so hard for you and that your mum is lucky to have you looking out for her. Keep up the good work.

Hi Diane

It is hard to stand up to doctors sometimes. I have a health condition myself so I understand that. Doctors can be intimidating but at the end of the day they can only advise.

That must have been a tough experience for you and your son. I am annoyed with my mum sometimes too. Like now, she is on a new chemo drug which is a neurotoxin so affects her brain and she also drops things. She insists on using glasses to drink out of though so she keeps smashing them and then she shouts and my stepdad does too and everyone gets upset. I have asked if it would help her if I got her some plastic tumblers but she refuses. Maybe she feels that would be like giving in.

It isn't that I don't think the advice is sound. I am sure that the doctors are all very knowledgeable. But each one has a different idea. But like you say, when she decides what she wants, she can find a specialist who will support her and that is what matters.

Hang in there, Lizzie!

You are really going through the wringer with your mum. It is often harder on the caregivers than the patient - especially when the drugs have weird and unexpected side effects.

I hope you are taking care of your medical condition. Don't overlook your health while focusing on your mum's. I'm sure she wants you happy and healthy too.

It does have to be your Mom's choice, but I understand it's hard for you. I had a lumpectomy, followed by chemo and radiation. My doctor told me that clinical studies show that the treatment I had is just as effective as a mastectomy. Unfortunately, there is always a chance of cancer coming back. We just don't know for sure. If she trusts her doctor, and this what she wants then try to support her. This is just as hard for her as it is for you. Hang in, Chris

I had stage III cancer in 99 I did four rounds of chemo,lumpectomy, radiation, and four more rounds of chemo and I've been cancer free for ten years. The most important thing to your mom is that she has your support.

Hi I just wanted to let you know that by support your mum is the best thing that you can do, I agree with all the replies you've had. My sister has had breast cancer and had a lumpectomy first, then when she found her second lump ( in the same breast ) she decided on a masectomy, now they want her to do 6 lots of chemo to destroy any rogue cells. There is no right or wrong answer with this disease apart from getting it sorted and treated. Your doing great by so don't think you aren't, let your mum decide and treat her to her favourite thing, that will help her keep positive and focused. Hugs to you both and good luck. Peace. :0)