Breast Cancer Support Group

Hi, Ms. Smith - I too am afraid of having one breast, so I can relate to that. I am hoping I am able to do reconstruction at the same time, but don't know yet if I will have to wait as I don't know what stage I am in yet.
I am not in a relationship either as I am currently going through a divorce, too.
Hugs to you.

Hi ~ Women aren't defined by their breasts ~ we aren't 'women' BECAUSE of our breasts. We're defined by and are women because of our loving natures, our nurturing, our abilities to teach, our patience, understanding, compassion, fire, our tendency to stand up for the underdog, our fairness, passion for learning and dozens of other things that make us women! But a breast isn't one of them.

I have 2 of them, but one looks pretty funky. It got pretty 'messed up'

I wasn't done yet, and this thing posted ~ I have a 'possessed' computer ~ I was going to say, I have a 'messed up' breast from a lumpectomy. I asked the surgeon to just TAKE it, but she wouldn't do it.

Anyway, YOU are what counts. What is INSIDE OF YOU ~ not some appendage. You are still going to be the same vibrant, caring, lovable person without the breast as you are NOW. Don't grieve it ~ celebrate your recovery! God bless you! And let us know how you are after surgery because we care. Hugs, Lee

Hi!!! We have so much in common. I too had the same results from my lumpectomy and had a masectomy afterwards. I too am overweight and have lost one breast ( left) and am not in a relationship. I use my prothesis while I am at work and am out in the public. when at home I let it all hang out and am comfortable with that. I had body issues in the recent past but have come to terms with it now. I am grateful to be alive and it kinda puts things into perspective for me. I had wanted reconstruction in the beginning but have changed my mind now. I just do not want any more surgeries. If and that is a strong if.... I find a man worthy of me he will have to accept me the way I am.....Just know the feelings and emotions you are going through are perfectly normal. I kinda make a joke every now and then and say "the girls had a great life and now it is time to retire one of them" humor has gotten me through a lot of the things I have had to endure..... I had radiation so if that is something you have to go through then maybe I can help you there too. Just remember you are not alone and I am here if you need me.....

Hi Smith,
My case is a little different than yours. but I'll tell you what I did, and I am NOT in anyway sorry for it.
I don't know how old you are. I was 52 when I was diagnosed with stage 3b breast cancer, a kiss away from deaths door.
I wasn't afraid of the cancer, I had total faith that I would beat it.
(because of how I found it).
I had to have a mastectamy right away on the right side.
I demanded they take the other one with it.
my surgeon kept trying to talk me out of it.
But I was such a nag, for a week I called three to four times a day...I WANT THE OTHER ONE OFF...
this was right after the first one.
I was only scheduled enough time for the one.
anyway, I nagged and nagged. leaving message after message "I want it off" I don't want it...Get it off me.
finally on my return checkup for the first one, my surgeon said. you are giving me nightmares. I have had you on my mind all week, I can't stop thinking about you.
I finally got the team of surgeons together yesterday and told them how determined you are that you wanted both breasts off.
They said, "If it would make you feel safer, and make your mind at ease, she should do it".
She said even though they say that, I don't think you should.
I said, TAKE IT OFF> I will mentally feel much better.
so she set it up and a few days later took it off. only to find there were three more lumps in there, that no test ultra sound or anything picked up on.
It was off, and I could breath a sigh of relief.
the short time I had the one breast....
I hated it. I felt awkward, etc.
but that wasn't why I wanted it off.
I wanted it off, to ease my mind of the cancer coming on that side sooner or later, and having to do the chemo, and radiation all over again.
So for me, I was quite happy.
8 months later, when all my treatments stopped, I started to gain some strength.
I decided I wanted to be a volunteer.
I loved it, it was great.
to help others that were scared, and crying.
When I first went to put on a piece of clothing ie: blouse with darts, or dress. and yes I too am overweight. I weigh 209. I am only 5'3 1/2". Before I started the volunteering I wore t'shirts and never prosthesis.
I wore my bald head, with no wig or hat no matter where I went.
I was never ashamed or embarassed.
IF this is what God wanted, then I would deal with it.
Everyone deals with this differently.
I don't think out of the hundreds of women I've talked to , that I got the same feelings or stories twice. some similar, but still some differences.
I've met women that have showed me their funky boobs as one of your commentors said. I've seen other double mastectamies which those women are also comfortable with themselves.
I tried my prosthesis a few times. I ended up with lymphedema which when I wore them, made the arm and chest swell. Then pain comes from the edema, and if it got bad enough, infection. So I kept trying to deal with the pain of wearing them, and the edema. I ended up with several infections that were painful. more painfull than having the boobs taken off.
To this day, six years later this month, I do NOT wear my prosthesis. because of other complications with my personal body, and other operations earlier in my life from other problems.
they called and still do, call me a huge risk for any type of reconstruction. which I didn't want anyway. but I did want them to fill in the holes.
when they dug out the cancer, which went into my chest wall, they left like a hole, so where my breasts were are caved in kinda.
lol
I still laugh at them....
nobody even notices anymore that I'm flat up top.
even when I went months without them, and tried to wear them again, people didn't notice I had them on either, including my husband of 40 years.
so I finally just quit wearing them, and I go braless so to speak.
I have gone out to dinner, broadway shows, movies, lunches, shopping..whatever I want , with just a pretty top.
I only make sure I buy ones that come up higher than the low cuts. and if I buy a button up blouse I make sure I button it high enough.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't worry about what it looks like, or how it feels. whatever makes YOU comfortable is what you should do.
it doesn't matter what we think, or what we feel from our bodies, it matters what you feel.
My oldest daughter, decided to have hers off, at 33 and reconstructed.
to save her from getting breast cancer. it is now used as a safety precaution because of families that are at high risk.
which we are.
my mother and her five sisters all had breast cancer, and eventually died from it.
my mother went 15 years and died in 1984.
that's a long way back, and a lot of other medications and chemo have come along.
They find more cures everday day. something they are constantly working on to help us.
three months after I got my cancer diagnosed. my one sister found she had cancer, and needed a lumpectamy. now she is the total opposite of the spectrum from me.
she got it out, made her boob, what some call funky or messed up. she didn't need chemo, she only needed radiation.
she wasn't interested in the other one coming off no matter how high her chances were.
that is her choice, and she is comfortable with her choice. we support each other with our own choices.
I have made friends with all kinds of different breasts, from cancer.
I only met one person who was negative, and she didn't have cancer, never did.
she walked over to me at a public function. knelt down, and said, "you poor thing, your bald and no breasts, I would kill myself"!
when I heard the words out of her mouth, my first reaction was to punch her in the face!
but I didn't, I just pictured it, as I dazed into her face.
thinking why would you come over and say such a thing to someone in the middle of chemo.
but she did, and I just stared at her.
she finally realized I had nothing to say to her, and said I wish you the best, then I said, I HAVE THE BEST. the best of drs., the best of friends, the best of children and grandchildren. I have the best of a husband, because he didn't care about them being off.
but, he was not the best source of comfort and support as far as dying went.
the dr. told him I might not make it, I didn't know he even asked the dr.
till about a year or so ago.
so for four to five years, he just kept saying your gonna die. your gonna die.
no matter how many days, weeks months, and years went by.
he finally pretended I WAS in fact dead, and pretended I wasn't here.
I finally realized he had been pretending I was dead. I said, tell me something have you made your mind believe I'm already dead?
yes was his answer.
why?
so I won't feel so bad when you do die.
well, I"M NOT DEAD< AND I"M NOT DYING! and you won't feel better when I do die, if I did, because I will really be dead then.
so you saying I'm already dead isn't helping you. after that, all I had to say was get your butt into counseling, and work this out, I'm not going anywhere.
I am a full blooded Italian, with a temper when pushed. but it takes a lot to push me.
I don't know if any of this story helps out.
but some times, someone will find one part or more parts of it, that do help.
so I hope something in here, helps you feel a little better.
Just be yourself, do what makes you happy and comfortable. no one else matters.
YOUR ALIVE and that's what counts. YOu are going to beat it, and that counts.
Your now a survivor.....clap and jump up and down when you have the energy.
enjoy your life to the fullest. let nothing stop you from doing what you really want to do. have fun, be yourself....
and God Bless you for the strength and courage to come on to this site, to help others and to listen and find help here and there.
it's a great site, and has helped me with my many problems. which this was the least of my problems, except for my husband killing me off!!! LOL. I now where a shirt, from the broadway show, "spamalot"....which has a song titled "I"M NOT DEAD YET". it's black with white letters all the way across my chest. I love it. and when my husband attempts to look at me like I'm dying, I put my shirt on and he shuts up pretty quick.lol.

I wish you well, God be with you as you have your trials with breast cancer.
You sound like a strong woman, and you'll get through it .....
because YOU are a SURVIVOR!
big hugs for you...
nancy