What is Breakups Divorce
Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the death of either spouse. The main causes of divorce in 2004, according to a recent study, were extra-marita...
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Someone kick me hard..I'm an idiot:)
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Unbelieveable...that's the word for today.
A couple of hours ago I got an email from my stbx, we havent seen each other in 6 months, maybe talked 3 times. All of our communication has been civil, the last telephone conversation (early October, regarding some tax issues)was even friendly and somewhat enjoyable. The truth is, even with the dirtbag behavior he exhibited at the end of the marriage (last 6 months before I found out about the affair things were pretty tense and we were definitely disconnected), part of me still loves the man he was before all that nonsense. At one time, I really was happy with him. The first 6 years of the marriage were really good. We were very close, did lots of stuff together, etc...than he started working really long hours and traveling 75 - 80% of the month...things fell apart - he had an affair- yodda yodda....here I am. Anyway the email was really very nice; he asked how I was, said that he had been thinking of me...he even mentioned that if I would like to, he would love to take me to that new movie coming out - 2012. Well...like a sucker, I fell for it :(...I was all of the sudden kind of happy and even looking forward to a 'date' with my stbx. I was actually thinking...maybe...maybe people do change? I believe that I have changed in the year and a half of seperation...sigh...well, not as much as I thought I had I guess. Because an hour after the first email, came the second... "Switch gears.... Breathe deep... relax.. What do you want to do about Insurance for next year? I'm down to me and Matt for health care. Is it affordable for you to get yours through your company yet? We are not divorced, not even legally seperated..we just havent lived in the same place for a year and a half and rarely speak (Matt is my 16 year old stepson - my son Nick is nearly 20). Why would he be asking this question now? I am still legally his wife...he says he misses me and would like to spend time together...was it a setup? An easy offer of a movie and a nice email in exchange for an uppercut and a jab? I know I sound whiny and pathetic, damn it all...:( Go ahead guys....give it to me straight, I need it. Posted on 11/09/09, 05:11 pm |
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Nah...your doing a good job at kicking yourself....hes playing you. Stop talking to him again. He doesnt deserve any attention from you. 
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People keep telling me "keep strong". So I will pass on the advice "keep stong"! Sounds like he is putting on his glam before the stike! Be careful...hugs
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Thanks guys, I know you are right...blek...
one step forward...two steps back...sigh
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Well I cant be sure, but it does sound like he used the...say something really nice before dropping the bomb tactic. Maybe he does think about you, but apparently not enough to keep you on his insurance. Well legally he has to until your divorced. remind him of that.
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Kick, but lightly.
I really wouldn't read to much into the insurance thing. He was just doing business, and that's in a different brain of the male animal. Besides, I doubt he even thinks he has a chance of repairing anything with you. If you're interested in that, you're going to have to Talk with him about it. So the question is: What do you want? If you want some kind of chance to work things out, I would just go to the movie and see how it goes. If you don't, then the movie's a really, really bad idea.
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Gentle kick and now you know - you so cannot trust him (banging him on the head with the insurance policy).
Lynne
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he probably just got the paperwork to complete for the insurance for next year, and is being inconsiderate.
My stbx asks me stupid things like that when he gets paperwork. - as if I'm the only one who knows how to do anything. Don't kick yourself. just take it for face value and tell him,, you have to be on the insurance until the divorce is final. (((hugs)
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This is why I adore DS:)
Mamalynn, you make a GREAT point...why have I not started the proceedings myself? I am able to support myself well, I could even easily afford my own insurance. I guess I was still (even after a year and a half) in a little bit of denial...I have tried to distract myself so much from the pain that I just didnt let myself even go 'there', you know? Patti - What do I want? Well...if I could have the man he was back, the man I married...I would sure as heck want to give it a try. But...all I know of him at this point is that he is not that man...I think. I havent really had interactions with him in so long...I hear stuff through the grapevine so to speak...(some 'married' friends remain) I have been told that he is not and has not been with the OW in over 9 months...I have been told that he speaks highly of me still, says he was a selfish jerk for his actions...but does that really mean anything? I think maybe it is time to put on my big girl panties so to speak and take things into my own hands. Oh wow...here goes.
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You miss the yesteryear. Now you feel the aftershock, the remnant feelings of that season in your life. It is normal. We often look fondly at that season because that is when we received the promise, the dance and the love. It is like the phantom feelings of the piece of the heart that was amputated. Normal.
Now, don't look too long to the past. It is the past for the right reasons. Keep looking ahead and be kind to yourself and lean on us. You are smart, kind, spirited, passionate, sensitive and so much more. Give your gifts to the righteous one that EARNS it and respects it.
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