Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Jo, I am one of the strongest, most self-sufficient, and protective people you will ever meet. I'm sure you are cut from the same cloth. But I share with you that desire to be protected. Not a need, but a very strong desire NOT to have to be my own protector all the time.

I know what you mean Jo. I felt safer knowing that if something went wrong in the house, he had more knowledge about it than I did.

I am too Woobie - very self reliant and not timid in the world - it's just nice to feel like someone has your back sometimes.

Maybe that's why we feel so protective of our friends here.

My XH would never man up for me. He's a coward. He didn't even show up to his own divorce.

Maybe because I am the youngest in the family I too love being protected. And I am. But I know I can take care of myself, I just miss being protected in the romantic way - like the guy who takes his jacket off when you are cold... That kind of care is nice, I miss it...

I think it's just a human need.

I don't feel safe now. My family does the best they can. In my old town, the police made sure we were safe, not here, he has a family memeber in the law. I am afraid they won't help. I had to learn how to use a gun the other night. My life is up in the air right now. Not knowing if I am safe, if my chiidren are safe. I want to feel protected.

I naevely belived that the relationship I had with my ex was like this:

If I Needed You

by Townes Van Zandt

Chorus:

If I needed you
would you come to me,
would you come to me,
and ease my pain?
If you needed me
I would come to you
I'd swim the seas
for to ease your pain

In the night forlorn
the morning's born
and the morning shines
with the lights of love
You will miss sunrise
if you close your eyes
that would break
my heart in two

The lady's with me now
since I showed her how
to lay her lily
hand in mine
Loop and Lil agree
she's a sight to see
and a treasure for
the poor to find

My ex liked this song as well and, in a way, I felt "protected" in that I felt that our relationship was something on which I could always rely. I would even talk about how my ashes would be buried with the ex as well. Even the final handling of my cremains has bothered me. There was so much I depended upon, so much "security" in the relationship and then, suddenly, without any warning, my ex just walked out and took our son (he is on my ex's side and hates me just like she does as my ex did a lot of brainwashing in the background). I got to keep the dog, purchased as a companion for me as I am ill, and, thankfully for this, I am not completely "alone." My own mother and brothers have not even offered any help to me or even asked if I needed anything at the store or whatever (I am disabled, don't drive and live far from a grocery store). I am, essentially, alone in terms of my former marriage as well as my family (my mother actually took my ex into her home when my ex left me!). I am finally getting over the pain and the hurt.

I, too, felt that the "security" I had was my "protection" and all of that is totally gone . . . it hurt and I have risen life a phoenix from the ashes as a true survivor.