What is Breakups Divorce
Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the death of either spouse. The main causes of divorce in 2004, according to a recent study, were extra-marita...
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Five weeks ago I found out my husband of 16 years (together for 19) was communicating several times a day with another woman for 2 weeks prior so I told him to leave. He had no place to go so he moved right in with this other woman and now they're going to be moving into a different apartment together along with her 2 children. This skank of a woman has a non-repairable leg injury that happened on the job and she cannot work anymore. She limps badly. She's on all different pain medications as well as medication for anxiety and panic attacks. Her two boys have problems as well. She is also not very attractive and is kind of trashy according to my boys as they both met her. I cannot understand why he left me for this other woman. My husband has been collecting only unemployment and he's been giving me 1/2 of the check which leaves him with next to nothing and she doesn't have much money either until she gets her disability settlement which will be in a couple of years. How is their relationship going to work? I am totally devastated and go from being angry to crying. I've cried everyday about this since he's been gone. We have a nice house, I have a good job and we did not have any financial worries really. His reason for all of this is that I didn't give him what he needed. Everything was so sudden. I think he is going through a mid life crisis or it was an ego booster for him. He left me with the house, my two teenage sons who he rarely sees now, and all of the bills. I told him that I still loved him despite what he did and really wanted to try and work things out but he said he made his choice.
Do you think he will realize eventually that he made a mistake? All I can think about is him with this other woman. I know I have to try and move on but it's not easy. Most people that I know are married at this stage in the game and I'm not thrilled about the online dating sites. I don't want to have to start over again but I have no choice now. Posted on 11/07/09, 09:11 pm |
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yea but when he does and wants to come back don't take him back 
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I will say that what he "needed" or more accurately wanted is a feelingof being needed. Hefeels he has more to offer thisOWthanhe could ever give to you. Be it right orwrong thatis probably what he is thinking. That and he probably suffers from low self esteemand rather thanto continue to try to reach "your"level andmakehimself a better manhe doesn't have to do anything with her. He alreadyfeels superior with her. Will it work? 90 to85% of the time these relationship will not work. The people never learned the lessons he needed to and in so doing he is doomed to repeat them. Does any of this make the pain less? No just because the mind can place some logic doesnot mean that the heart will accept it and will continue to run the insanity. All you can dois let go and focus on you. I know that isn't what you want to hear. I am sorry. I wish I had better words of comfort.
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I can imagine that with all of his free time, that he was a bit annoyed that your time wasn't all free either. Oh well, .....
I'm sorry. There's no understanding it. At all. Hugs.
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well, you said it all, why did he go to her being she seemed to .. what she was... I am guessing he downgraded to a level he was comfortable with. There are people that can just not keep up or want the same lifestyle as we do.
The way it sounds, you should count your blessings and I am sure you will when it is all said and done. But for now, it doesn't feel good or make it any easier for you. I am sorry for what has happened and the shock you must feel given how swiftly it occurred. When me and my ex split, it was just as quick. DS is a great place to be during your time of grief. Many have done through what you have and just hearing their stories, where they are now, etc. you will start to find a wee bit of comfort and maybe can make some sense of your life now as it will be. best wishes
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I agree with Boo. He felt something missing and this person gives him that special want that we so desire. As long as he gets it, it's like a junkie with a fix. Odds are that it won't work out. If he comes crawling back, you'll have to decide if it's repairable or not. If you think it is, it will take much time, effort, and forgiveness.
It's easy to compare yourself to her and see her issues - that's only natural. But be careful that you don't think to yourself - Gee, she has all these problems and he still wants her. Maybe I am even less desirable than her. It doesn't work that way. He is blinded and no longer sees your great qualities. He may though. He may wake up. But don't wait too long. Don't enable his behavior.
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Thank you everyone for your responses! I am new to this site as of tonight.
Dreadpirate what you said makes so much sense to me. He's like a junkie getting his fix. You would not believe all of the phone calls that he makes to her cell phone. He has to touch base with her whenever he's out and about. Usually every couple of hours. That is ridiculous! Maybe it makes him feel more needed doing that?? What do you think? He never called me like that. Also, he goes grociery shopping with her too and hates to go shopping. I think in all the years we've been together he's only gone with me a few times. Why is he doing these things that he doesn't normally do? Also, she is a smoker and he hates smoke! He quit himself about 7 years ago and doesn't even like to be around it but now is making an exception. He is overlooking an awful lot.
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My x husband had an affair with an ugly skanky woman who won't work and they are still together after 3 years. Who knows what is going on in their heads?
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Left,
Welcome to DS. Its hard to figure out why this sort of thing happens after so many years. I don't think any of us really understand. Try to to the best you can for you and the kids. For now, You're in a great place to vent and ask for advice. Hang in there, Peace
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LFL, it's the newness. He's addicted to the feeling he gets from her and tries to get a fix at every opportunity. It's exciting. Of course it is, he has only known her a short time and doesn't know or overlooks her faults. She's "different." He's blinded by lust and addiction. It will almost surely wear off.
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Welcome to DS! You have many great responses here and I think they are correct. He has sunk to his level. You are much too good for him and need to move on with your own life. Counseling can be a major help and I strongly urge you to consider it.
Lynne
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