Breakups & Divorce Support Group

I think it's really important to understand and read these traits about PA men, so you can recognize one when they come along. It hurts very much to love someone with this problem, Unless they are willing to really work on the issues that cause this behavior, there is no hope for any of their relationships. I feel very sad to see my ex in so much pain, and animosity, and he's the one holding his own chains.

Nice article.

At the same time, it's less important to understand why passive agressive people are that way (my mother is one....believe me I know what it's like), and more important to understand what is attracting you to the type.

Funny you say that, never been attracted to one before.. if you read the article you would see they come across and this great, emotional, loving, tender guy... you get duped by all the beauty and love you receive. Truly, I was. He has been very good to me, loving, accepting, patient, giving, generous, many, many wonderful qualities... and then I begin getting the kicks described in that article and I'm just so confused by what the hell is going on. Nope, no more, I don't deserve this and he deserves to be well and not behave like that, pushing everyone away from him that loves him.

I think those behaviors in that article identify PA people in general. It is not gender specific no matter how much the author wants it to be.

I read the article, and I know the type. Perhaps it's because I grew up with it, but I can spot it a mile away.

I spent years and years trying to understand my mother....and as I look back, it was just wasted effort. Her behavior isn't 'intentional', she really has no clue that she's like that. I understand that now, and I understand the things from her childhood that led her to be like that.

I guess, as her child, I had the opportunity to watch as people came into and out of her life over and over again. I Listened as they got drawn in to the nice Words...and watched as they got disgusted and walked away. Well most did, a few stuck around to be hurt over and over. And of course I was stuck there too.

Again, my advice is to forget about his issues, and 'chains'. Be one of the people who just walk away. Or figure out what made you stay, and work on that.

And yes, notdeadyet, passive-aggressive is in both genders. I honestly don't know how my father lived with it.

*trigger*

I read the article and yes, its right on. Im surprised that they didnt go into more detail about the blame shifting or control issues.

Yep, I have no choice at this point but to walk away. Loving him will never be enough for him, he will need to get well on his own. He constantly pushes me away with this behavior. I feel like ground beef right now... just raw from all the abuse of this type of aggression... he's not a bad person, just a person in a lot of internal pain. I love him and have compassion for his pain, but I can't be a doormat for him to take out his aggressions on. Thanks!

So sorry Boricua that you find yourself in the middle of this. It painful.

I dont want to alarm you, but reread the article again about the aftermath and prepare. Big healing hugs to you!

Wow, this is my ex to a T...It is something I really saw once we were separated..Thank you for sharing..