Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Thank you all for your responses.

I think everyone puts up a front while in public. They can't truly be themselves with the whole world watching. I guess it depends on the severity of the different personas if it's a problem.

Mine wears his gold star for dad of the year in public and to his family, in reality he completely ignores his child, doesn't support her financially, physically, or emotionally but, hey, as long as the pics are smiley who cares......

Wow... sounds just like my husband, although after a few months other people can see it too.

He's a very "private" person and doesn't want anyone knowing our business either, but if his friend suggest that he buy something he's right out there doing it. Like he is trying to get approval from friends, or look like the coolest one.

In the last couple of years he has become very negative and is a totally different person at home than he is when we're out. He also has episodes where he will just explode in anger when no one even knew anything was wrong. I have been trying to get him to go see someone, but he's not having it.

We've been married 18 years now (since we were 19) and I've been trying my hardest to hold on, but I just don't know how much longer I can do this. If he doesn't want the help the only thing that I can see that is going to change the situation is leaving and then maybe he will get some help. I love him very much and don't want to have to do it, but I see no other options at this point.

My ex was like that too. He projected himself to be a very helpful, giving person when in actuality he is very manipulative and selfish. His acting skills caused other people to see me as the bad guy, the crazy one with problems, when in fact my reactions were practical responses to his abuse.

Sadly I don't think there is a solution. In my couple months of healing I have learned that there are in fact bad people in the world and just like my ex it is possible that your spouse may be one. There are people who don't care if they hurt you or others around them and although they may say they care their actions should be reason enough to believe otherwise. Too bad those people are just as lovable as the good ones.

I would suggest though that you always be aware of the facade in case he tries to turn it around on you. My ex did many times, working his charm on me, and I was foolish enough to let him in. Don't make my mistake. Know what to look for and see it for what it is.

I ditto what purplefinch said.....mine drank a LOT and struggled w/depression and showed many sides to ME and everyone else....he could be charming, funny, kind, hard-working, and thoughtful or he could be the world's biggest liar, mean, irresponsible, and lazy.... you didn't really know what you were going to get. Depended on whether or not he was drinking. It made me feel kind of crazy for loving him one day and hating him the next..

My stbx is like this as well, when it was just me and her, total asshattery. As soon as someone else enters the picture, she flips the b**** switch and gets into 'persona' mode. Acts chipper and nice to everyone, including me, then once the public is gone...poof...back to total mean. I'm glad I won't be putting up with that anymore. I do miss the 'good times' we had though, and that makes these switches so hard to take.

I'm surprised that I'm still getting responses to this topic since I posted it more than a month ago. But thank you all for taking the time to respond.

At least I know I'm not alone. It sounds like there are lots of people with a spouse or ex who only shows their true self at home.

is he mexican
unfortunately mexican men do that alot
lol

My wife was like an angel in public, and she was ok at home sometimes too, but no one got to see her Dr Jeckyl and My Hyde stuff except for me, the kids and some of the neighbours. Its wierd, one minute they love you, thank you for being such an awesome part of their lives, the next minute they blame you for everthing that goes wrong in the world. grrr..thats crazy making