Breakups & Divorce Support Group

In my case, "Can we try again?" = "I realize what I lost . . . oh, and I ran out of money."

Not just "No", but "Hell, no!"

Been there, done that, didn't get the t-shirt though. I reconciled once after she cheated, and she did it again. I was asked just before my divorce was final if I was sure I didn't want to try again.

NOT ONLY NO, BUT HELL NO! Sorry for the caps!

There's something inside THEM that makes them do that, it's not us.

With my ex that is now gone....yes, I would have given him a chance IF he had cheated.

But we had children together, so it was more then just the two of us to think about.

But that would have assumed that he'd have still wanted the marriage to work. (If he didn't then there's nothing for me to forgive is there? Forgiveness only matters if someone is Asking for it.) And I'd have wanted him to be a completely open book, willingly telling me where he was and why.

Otherwise, it's about getting over it and putting it in the past....not forgiveness.

My ex didn't cheat, but he did a lot of really nasty things....but they just don't matter any more. I don't have to worry about them repeating, think about them, or forgive him. And it no longer matters if he changes or not.

In any case, I find that most people are defensive and telling the hurt partner to "get over it", rather than embrasing and understanding the pain, and doing Everything, ALL THE TIME that partner wants to heal it.

I've heard of a few that survived and rebuilt but only after counseling and time. I thought I was one of those people. Counselor told my ex when he asked how long it would be before I could trust him and was told the average length of time is 7 yrs. It was about 7 yrs before I was able to drop that wall of believing he could be faithful. 12 yrs later he began a affair, rescuing a addict. Left me and wanted back, took him back and then that was it...over and done.
I am working very hard on rebuilding my inner trust, I will never be someone's 2nd best.

I wonder if it should be spun the other way?

Are you destined to be cheated on in your next relationship?

interesting turn....if we don't learn our lessons...then....yes. I just learned a whopper of a lesson.

Sure...one more chance. Just after I had sex with another woman first.

My ex fiance cheated on me, he begged & pleaded for another chance, gave me many reasons to give him a chance.
After alot of talking & crying i decided to give him one last chance but he knew how much he put me through & the effect it had on me.
He was so good to me over the next few months, made such an effort, it took me almost a year to stop thinking about it every day.
Just when i thought he had proved himself & shown so much remorse he done it again with the same person.

Patti, I so agree with you 100% about him telling me to get over it, it has been 3 yrs...move on....well I am sorry it is not that easy for me...YOU FOCKER!!!

love you guys....thanks for all the responses

no

been there done that and he did it again