What is Breakups Divorce
Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the death of either spouse. The main causes of divorce in 2004, according to a recent study, were extra-marita...
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I know I should but I just can't seem to do it. He just continues to hurt me and I feel as if he doesn't care at all, and that hurts. But still, I still finding myself texting or calling and I don't know why. Why can't I stay away. Has anyone else been in the same boat? I try my best but I just miss him so much when I don't talk to him for even a day! I need help distancing myself from him. It's also harder when we have a son together and I have no choice but to talk to him. I had hope before that we could work things out and be the family that we had planned to be but each time he hurs me that image and dream gets farther and farther away and it just makes it so much harder for me to think that thats ever going to happen. Not sure what I'm asking. I just don't feel so strong right now...
Posted on 04/18/09, 02:04 pm |
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Not sure of your domestic dynamics but do understand the frustrations. Letting go is rigid and tough. Counseling together maybe? Try and stay strong for the little one.... Strength and healing vibes your way.... 
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I had a texting problem, as well.... what helped me was just getting out and doing more things ony my own and keeping busy. Eventually, I started to realize that all of the nonsense texting was really pushing us further apart, than anything. That is when I stopped. Maybe you just need time. Time tells a lot.
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Texting and calling only leads to hurt feelings for YOU. If the text goes unanswered or the call doesn't lead the conversation where you want it to...you are disappointed. Try "no contact"...it's better for you in the long run.
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Create bounadaries for yourself. Make a listing of the type of love you want and deserve even if it seems unreasonable. Once you realize you deserve better you may taper off.
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I know how you feel, I went through that for a very long time, and each time I called, texted I felt worst, but i kept doing it. It's like sticking your hand in the fire and getting burnt. Try texting or calling someone that would love to hear from you, and wants to talk to you, you will feel so much better, leave him alone for awhile for your sake, not his.
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If you stop texting, calling, etc, how long does it take him to call or text you.. If your hoping for anything, this will be eye opening.
In a real friendship, this can be different.. We stand by our friends with no expectations. In this relationship what are your expectations when you contact him?
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I am in the same boat. Except its probably worse for you... my boyfriend of 2 years and I just broke up, and even though it was kind of mutual I can't stop contacting him.
I actually drove out to my parents house to spend some time with the family. They are doing a great job of keeping me from calling him because they are pretty mad that he hurt me. I also bought the book, Its Called a Break-Up Because its Broken by Greg Behrant and it has a list of "things you can do instead of call him." The best one, I think is to call a friend. Although the friend I usually call is my mother, she usually helps me get my mind off of him and onto something else I'd rather do.
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I understand how you feel- still have those urges after six weeks (we were together for 18 years), however, I find that if I keep my communication pretty formal and around the kids I feel so much better about myself. If I get too "chatty" when we talk, and he is less than receptive, it just feels like more rejection and it hurts. It's not like we are ever getting back together so what's the point of trying anymore? The no-contact rule worked for me to get over the "hump"- I would only email with kid related stuff and I wouldn't be around for his visits with the kids... the process stinks though- I think it just takes time (and it does get better- I promise!).
Wishig you peace! K
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I would suggest counseling for you to help with these feelings.
Also, keep yourself busy so you don't have time to text. Texting/calling/emailing and getting no response or a negative response just hurts you. Hugs!
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Use these links....there is one on NO CONTACT....I know it's hard but you need to start the journey with determination and EFFORT:
http://dailystrength.org/c/Breakup... http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre... http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre... http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre... http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre... http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre... http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre... http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre... http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre... http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre... http://dailystrength.org/help/cris...
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