Breakups & Divorce Support Group

I am posting this simply to see if anyone else can relate. Is this common? Has anyone else dealt with this kind of stuff? Why havent' I already left him? Am I wrong? Am I being to mean? Sorry, for the length but it is necessary in order to comprehend. And I have a detailed journal that can give background if you need it. This is a section that I will be puttting in the 'book' I am giving him when I leave as to the "reasons why Im leaving".





Ah yes, my darling husband….Why do I feel so good right now. I shouldn’t. You are so highly pissed off at me once again. I mean you are down right HOT!! But for some reason, it no longer affects me. I do not care in the least. I’m actually in a pretty damn good mood today even slightly giggling about it all, but I soooo have to just get all of this off my brain. I want to see all of this laid out in front of me just so I can re-read it and giggle some more.

You were already pissy at me most of the day yesterday. Not even sure why, just your typical short-tempered attitude, I have been busting ass all week to prepare for our daughter’s sweet sixteen party. And I have not asked you for anything. Realistically you really can’t (or at least shouldn’t be per the doctor’s orders. But who is he to say?) So I have come home each day and gone straight to planning/preparing, etc. Of course now that I was given a great opportunity in the office, moved up in responsibility and have great things happening here for me, you seem to hate it more and more. I will not apologize for not getting off of work until 4pm. Hell; it’s the freaking NAVY for Christ’s Sake. I know people here in some sections that would kill to get off like normal people so stop bitching about my hours of work.

So yesterday, I go to send you my normal daily, “I’m on my way” text as I get in the truck to come home. I see a message you sent me to call you when I can. So I just call you. Immediately you starting talking to me so nasty saying, “fuck I don’t even remember what I wanted, where were you, I kept calling your desk, I sent that text an hour and a half ago, whatever it don’t matter now!!” Ok, let’s see I work in an office that I move around between TWO desks, you know that if I’m not at one I’m at the other. It’s your fault if you don’t try the other desk. Also, I work in an office that is so secured that you have to be authorized to be in there, cell phones are NOT allowed in the building at all, and it’s a brick building with NO windows and enough satellite equipment on the top of it to interfere with god knows what. So I got a text late….I’m not even supposed to have the damn phone on me, so kiss my ass if I don’t get your texts within seconds of you sending them. I hang up from our lovely conversation and start my drive home, I can already foresee the lovely evening I have in store for me as you also reminded me we are running out of daylight twice. Ok, what do you want me to do, reset the sun so that it doesn’t go down till about 7 or so? Get REAL and please, if you want to fight or something, at least make sure it is something that makes fucking sense. Oh, I see I’ll just tell the ADMIRAL that I work for, that I have to leave early today because you just reminded me that I was running out of daylight. Never mind the fact that it doesn’t matter anyway because we are working in the garage where there’s ELECTRICITY!!

I arrive home to the lovely -days away from being sixteen- daughter running in to start asking tons of questions. She’s so excited; we said we were going to do this for her. We said we were going to make it big. And I plan to, no matter how late I have to stay up, how early I have to get up or how much money we have to spend. Unlike you, when I say I’m going to do something, I mean it and do it.

I change and come out to the garage and find you sitting on the stool, drinking coffee, seemingly annoyed. WHY!?!?! You drive me crazy. What is the problem?? If you don’t want to be a part of this then don’t. But don’t ruin it for her or make her feel guilty for us having to do all of this. Me and her hang some sheets along the walls, adjust some blankets, and do some decorating. We like the way it’s coming together. You have done more than you should have lately cleaning up the garage and getting a power source installed. Thank you, but I don’t want to hear about it nor do I care what you’ve done.

SIDE NOTE: Tuesday evening’s adventure. After coming home from work, the girls come and get me while I’m changing. Daddy’s says he wants you outside the baby says. I say, ok let me change and I’ll be out. I walk out back and you are kneeling down pointing to the box you put on the house. You installed an outlet. GREAT, Thanks!! Then you tell me about the MONSTER log I seen in the back of the truck as walked up the driveway. This was your day you tell me, you ran round town all day. You went to the dump and pushed a large plush recliner out of the bed of the truck. You drove around picking up all the firewood you could find so we don’t have to buy any. And I mean LARGE pieces. You spent about an hours leaning over and bending, pushing and pulling to install the receptacle on the outside of the brick house that we live in. Oh, and of course you had moved the truck cap because it was leaning up against the house right where you put the outlet. Whew, that’s busy day! I just looked at you and said thanks. Then you tell the girls to come here so they can pick up the truck cap and place it back against the house because you, as you say in your sweet daddy voice, “can’t”…..I wanted to punch you but I just walked away. Why? because your doctor made it clear the only thing you should be doing at this point after your surgery is as much walking as you want to and you may carry something up to 10 pounds but he made it CLEAR that you were to be doing NO bending, pushing, pulling, stretching, jumping, yard work, carrying anything over 10lbs and NO LIFTING!!etc, etc. So you can do all of that stuff today, while your alone and bored but now that I’m home you can’t lift up the truck cap? SAVE IT! And guess what, the kids aren’t stupid. They see this too.


So as we seem to be coming to a close with the decorating you start talking about the remaining items in the garage. You say we are putting the treadmill and the AC window unit in the back of my truck and will leave it out back here. WHY? Tell me why you want me and your daughter to lift that heavy ass shit up, into a high truck bed, when it can simply be placed right next to the garage in that little area where the bikes and wagon are going to be, where NOONE will be going anyway. Hell it will completely block it and then we don’t have to worry about anybody going back there. Well, darling I don’t care. I’m not putting that shit in the back of my truck, thus disabling my truck by having it parked in back and unable to go anywhere till the next day, AFTER we get all the shit out of it, Period. End of discussion. It’s fucking stupid. And of course your mood continues to be shitty and shittier and at this point I don’t care anymore. I am enjoying witnessing the excitement that is beaming from our daughter. I am helping her and assuring her that she is going to have a blast.

We are about done, we are all sitting there just looking around at the progress, its two days away and it’s coming together. Everyone is in awe, except for you, even the kids are pussy footing around you because they can tell you’re in a shitty mood. Then as I am sorting through the stuffed animals for decorations, you begin to tell me about your day. You tell me how you almost had an accident with the chain saw cutting up the wood you picked up today. I’m listening but not looking at you, but I am commenting ‘wow’, ‘ok’, then I start to ask you a question and you abruptly cut me off.. “NO, IM SERIOUS, we almost had a real problem today!” you snap at me and raise your voice. So I stop what I’m doing and stand up and look at you. You push your leg out and say, “The saw kicked back on me when I was cutting the wood, LOOK!” and I see slight scratches on your leg along with the sweats your wearing sliced about up to your calf! You continue quite angrily, “I’m serious, this is no joke! It could have been real ugly!!” you say. I am stunned, I am speechless. It’s almost as if you want me to have something else to be worried about. I looked at you, numb and with a sense of interest but the conversation has reached its end I say, “Ok” and turn to continue what I was doing. Then you snap. “OK!!” you yell. I just looked at you, and thought, yeah, ok, and just say calmly, “well you shouldn’t be using a chain saw right now anyway”. I could see your face just turn so read and the anger just fill you.

What did you want me to do? What do you want me to say? I am not allowed to try to care for you or care about you. You have been doing everything in the world against the doctor’s orders. You had back surgery 8 weeks ago, are still on heavy restriction, cant work, and you think it’s OK to bend over, picking up 50+ pound logs and use a CHAIN SAW to cut them up. FUCK YOU, I don’t care anymore. I can’t! I will not apologize for witnessing you try to get some sort of empathetic reaction from me about something that you shouldn’t have been doing in the first place. And it again would have been your own fault if something bad did happen. I wonder what the workers comp folks would have thought about that little incident, had it actually happened and you are off work because you CAN”T do that stuff. Quite humorous I think. And I’d really appreciate it, it you would stop doing all of this in front of the kids. They witnessed the whole event and I’m sure are confused. I will talk to them about it later, and I will not tell you I am.

Therefore, I had quite a quiet evening. You haven’t’ spoken to me since other than to answer the question I asked about this morning, when your Dr appt is today. How coincidental, you have an appt with him today. I’m not going, and I don’t care what he has to say my dear. I don’t even want to know anymore, because it doesn’t matter.

I’m just playing the game until I am able to leave you. I’m figuring I’m about 6 months out now. But I will thank you for another wonderful little portion that I will put in the book I am writing you as to WHY I’m leaving you. This one will go under the medical reasons chapter.
Posted on 11/21/08, 10:11 am