Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Three questions:

1) are his poor choices affecting your health in any way?
2) do you want to have children? the clock ticks faster every year
3) is there any chance this man will go to rehab?

Answers:

1) yes
2)yes, I know!
3)I don't think so.

Do you want a crack addict to be the father of your kids.? Get away if he is not willing to fix himself. In the short time I've been here, there are too many stories of lives destroyed by addict spouses.

I hear it all the time "get away". how? I want to. I don't want kids with him I lost 7 angels already (none living). i got a job and am starting to live life. that's what I can do for now. Is there anything ells. how do I tell him its over?

The phrase "cut and run" comes to mind.

Let his Mom try and save him. You are done. There are low-cost divorce options in every state and even on-line do it yourself options if you have minimal assets and no children.

Surround yourself with supportive family and friends of your own and build a new network that doesn't involve this train wreck.

You sit down with him, be blunt, honest and to the point. If he doesn't get it, then at least you have tried. No you aren't broken, just looking for a way out of a bad relationship. Take small steps and ensure him that his behaviour is unacceptable to you... M

Make your plan.

Meet with a lawyer for a consultation. You can usually meet with a lawyer for a consultation for $40 or less. Then at least you'll know your options.

How do you go?
You just do.
And make sure that when you do, you take everything with you that you want/ need. i didn't and I'm still kicking myself every time I have to buy something for the second time.

I'm sorry you're going through this. My husband was circling the drain and I couldn't go down with him. Not when he wasn't even trying.
Do not let him wreck even one more day of your life.

And congrats on the job!

damn.. no wonder the divorce rate is so high. THIS is the advice women give to each other? (excluding those advocating second chances).

my wife left after 16 yrs of marriage for none of the top ten reasons. so...

1yr n 4 months? what is the time limit for someone to get their act together? and i say this with ultimate respect, sadanger. have you ever had a period in your life where you weren't doing all the right things? do you have ANY idea what divorce is going to cost your mental health for years to come? the grass is greener but are you *really* so bad off that cut and run because you are stressed emotionally is the only option now?

when did our society get the idea that spouses had to keep the other one totally happy or they were divorce-worthy? i nurtured my wife through several LONG bouts of depression and took care of the kids and *I* didn't cut and run because i made a commitment. commitment is love. not maximum happiness or fun.

he's got a drug problem. how about protecting yourself from pregnancy until he's been clean for 2 years? and has a large support group that he's accountable to. and a million other things.

why do you other women read a post and LEAP to 'leave his ass'?

sorry folks, i really don't mean this to be mean. i really don't sadanger. i've just had a so-called 'guardian ad litem' whose job is to recommend 'what is the best interest of the children' tell me that my daughter's hair wasn't brushed when she came to visit. OMG! she had been running and playing and was jumping on the trampoline and i totally forgot i'm supposed to run out and brush it every 5 minutes. the 'guardian' hasn't even raised her own kids.

so i'm a bit jaded. but would you think about it anyways? i know there are a million variables, but why are women LEAPING to divorce in droves? by far the vast majority of divorces are by women? why? jerry springer? oprah? dr. phil? i'm not being a jackass (entirely) but my wife hasn't talked to me since she left 10 months ago, and out of the blue - and she watched this crap all day every day. i'm just curious.

ok, fire away. but sadanger would you please find a way to give this guy a real opportunity and time and patience and grace and mercy that you would want if you fell down and couldn't get up?

joseph

Well roadkil, would you at least say it is ultimatem time? He goes to rehab or loses his wife?

I don't want her to end up like me. I spent 8 years with an addict waiting for him to get his act together then now when I'm out it is too late to have the family I wanted.

I agree with you, if you can save a marriage you should. It takes both partners to do the work though.