Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I dated a man who was verbally, emotionally and mentally abusive for 1.5 years. It was the most toxic relationship I had ever been in, and the breakup a year from March was a zillion times worse. I stayed because I was hooked and reeled in before I even knew what I was dealing with our involved in. The whole situation really screwed me up, especially the breakup.
So in talking to a friend last night about the current heartbreak I'm dealing with, I was talking about this abusive relationship and how this recent guy is the first one I'd trusted and felt a connection with since then. My friend, who is male, asks the guys name, and long story short, a friend of his started dating the abuser after I did, they were together 6 months, he had her pinned against the car on New Years Eve and was becoming physically violent with her. She proceeded to punch him in the face to get away from him (I wish I had seen it), they both were arrested for DV charges, and she has a PFA on him.
This has been incredibly healing for me. Do not get me wrong. I never want to see someone go through what I went through. This woman was able to do what I couldn't. What I wasn't strong enough to do. I feel validated because there were people who straight called me a liar and he twisted it and said I was the abuser. Now there is no denying it's him.
Have any other women who were in abusive relationships experienced this? Why is it so healing for me?
So in talking to a friend last night about the current heartbreak I'm dealing with, I was talking about this abusive relationship and how this recent guy is the first one I'd trusted and felt a connection with since then. My friend, who is male, asks the guys name, and long story short, a friend of his started dating the abuser after I did, they were together 6 months, he had her pinned against the car on New Years Eve and was becoming physically violent with her. She proceeded to punch him in the face to get away from him (I wish I had seen it), they both were arrested for DV charges, and she has a PFA on him.
This has been incredibly healing for me. Do not get me wrong. I never want to see someone go through what I went through. This woman was able to do what I couldn't. What I wasn't strong enough to do. I feel validated because there were people who straight called me a liar and he twisted it and said I was the abuser. Now there is no denying it's him.
Have any other women who were in abusive relationships experienced this? Why is it so healing for me?
Exactly what you said is why it is so healing.
abusers tend to blame everything they do, or any nasty names they call you, on anyone but themselves. The person who is being abused sometimes, is brainwashed into believing that it could be their fault.
I am really happy you got to hear the story of what a jerk he is.
Once an abuser, they very seldom (almost never) change.
I wish you the best.
its not a hateful feeling or emotion, but one, I guess, that kind of clears our name. Its a freeing and validating feel fo sho.
Validated (check mark)
a pattern of responding to negative behavior?? Maybe it's something to think on.
I do feel really bad for the other girl, but am also glad she got away from him.
As for getting reeled in by the abuser, it was just so crazy and happened so quickly. I didn't know what red flags to look for as I hadn't dated for almost 20 years. I learned, though, and I am still learning. The recent situation is straight up a situation of I want what I can't have, and I will get past that also. I learned another lesson, and more red flags to watch for. Dating is a learning process, and all are steps to finding the right one, even though it is hard in the interim. I'll get there. I don't think dating 1 man who was abusive and another who is emotionally unavailable is necessarily a pattern of negative behavior only because I have dated others in there who were decent and nice guys, there was just no connection.