Advertisement




More DailyStrength
Health Event Calendar
See what's new on the site
Step-by-step Tutorials
How to use DailyStrength
We're on Facebook
Check out our page
Follow us on Twitter
Read our tweets
Get Cool DS Stuff!!!!!
Shirts, Hats, Baby Wear
Discussion:
he won't leave
Watch this 
View More Posts Ignore
If I get an order of protection, he could go anywhere, and he won't pay the bills for home, etc....so, I guess and ord of prot. is out....But, now do or should I leave home? where do I go? I have so much stuff here, it would take weeks to pack, and where do I go. If I go away from my home, his g/f will most likely move in....And my current therapist is telling me, that is what I may have to do....As some of you know, I had a horrifing time with the last lawyer, it was so tramatic, I had a car accident getting to him, then in 11 days, he used more than half of retainer, I am reluctant to get another lawyer....we both live here, and my health situation isn't good....moving out may help me mentally, but where? how does one start over again in mid-life...and how the hell did I get into this situation....what is the next step I should do?? I know my marriage is over and done. I do not want police here again. I have 2 sick animals that I take care of. I feel trapped....

I would like the ones that respond to this, to pls instead of giving advice, pls put yourself in my shoes. I don't have support....You guys are the closest to any support I have. People say "you can do it all yourself", remember pls, I am not 20, 30, or 40....and a bad back....

But I was hit with a shock last night, that I could get all the help I need if
I become a WARD OF STATE, AND SIGN AWAY ALL MY RIGHTS, AND LET SOMEONE ELSE MAKE MY DECISIONS.

It hit me like a hit over the head, of course, I do not want that....I have done many things in my life that I am proud of doing...

However, it seems, I am in a paralizing position.

I tried to explain to the police that my husb and his girlfriend want to make mince meat out of me, but they aren't really interested.

I thought I could hire a sort of bouncer that could take sense to husb so I can get thru this at my speed, but I do not want to go against the law, and the police won't talk to him...What I mean is talking to him, telling him not to destroy my property. But the royal police said that he can destroy the home, and they cannot stop him.

I do not like the police.

someone, pls just tell me how to get by day by day....I suppose a lawyer will have to get involved, but now this miniute.

Thank you guys, for listening to me.....
Posted on 03/10/13, 09:06 am
20 Replies | Most Recent Add Your Reply
Reminder: This is a support group for Breakups & Divorce. We trust you will do your best to remain positive and helpful. For more information, see our rules of the road.

You may also create your own Member Groups where you can moderate the discussion.
Comment:
Email me when others reply to this topic help
View More Posts Ignore
Reply #11 - 03/11/13  10:39pm
" I also wanted to mention something else. Twiggy, I haven't been on Daily Strength for very long, but during the time that I have, people have given you some great suggestions (both on this board and other boards here) and cared enough to respond to your posts. Not once have you thanked any of them for the great suggestions they have provided. Members really tried to help out.

So how about making tomorrow a new start and instead of taking suggestions and giving many reasons why you can't do them, "
View More Posts Ignore
Reply #12 - 03/11/13  10:46pm
" It cut off my post---

So instead of giving reasons why you can't do the suggestions, try doing them. You said you have a social worker helping you to get housing so now follow up with that social worker. Also, you said you have a counselor and keep going to that counselor and ask the counselor about any agencies or groups that might help you that he knows of. And that help would be to get into housing, to perhaps find out if you can rent out a room from someone and they would allow your animals. I rented out a room here to get by when i had no income coming in.

And be polite and kind to all agencies and if they don't give you what you want in info, as them if they can refer you to any other places that would help and then write the place down, write down the telephone number and the name of the person you should speak with. this is networking and how I found resources when I had no income.

Remember, tomorrow is a new day and a new start here. Jump on it and use it to your advantage to get on with your life and start living. Your pets will appreicate it too because stress is bad for them also and a new happier home would be better for them. Good luck. "
View More Posts Ignore
Reply #13 - 03/12/13  5:49am
" only read the first few replies sorry in advance if u repeat anything said in a different post.
I'm hesitant to reply cause of what gem said, which explains also why I'm kinda in the dark about your whole situation, but I do know as a former victim of domestic violence, that talk till blue in face your not going anywhere till your ready
but I am here to burst your excuse bubble , sorry.
I was a victim for five years of severe domestic violence, lost many personal items including expensive things that were rest to my heart like a guitar that he repeatedly kicked until it was a pile of shreaded wood. and yes, when the cops saw it, they just shrugged...he also took a bottle of hot sauce, unscrewed the lid and proceeded to bust it across my already scratched up and bleeding face, while pregnant with our son that ultimately would be stolen from me. haven't seen him since he was 2. he's now 13. I could go on and on, but this here is your story.. point I'm trying to make is, I did lose everything. more than once started with a bag of clothes sitting my ass on the floor of ah empty apt. you can leave. there IS help available to you, where you won't be signing your rights to anyone . does it suck.? hell yea. do you feel like you walked in the pit of hell and poverty when you walk through the shelter door and look at all those pitiful women?. yep. but guess what..like it or not your one of those women . you can plan a time and date to leave... dont you have any family or friends that can hold your most precious possessions you can't bear to seperate from? because if you value what little of your self you have left, your going to have to leave a LOT of your stuff behind . that is simply part of the deal you got yourself into. is this stuff your going through new? or is it a part of your relationship that started long long ago that you chose to stay in? I used to say the woman in this situation must. like it cause she keeps going back. till I lived it. now I know better. your brain has been reprogrammed to believe you need him . you won't survive without him...these words of yours are a de ja vu for me. exact words. plus a choice many more. when u finally lost everything I had, everything I was. my son and my soul I finally held up the white flag and called for help. the woman's shelter relocated me...helped me find a job, gave me clothing, a place to sleep ,eat...you get it. they gave me over a year of domestic violence counseling, in which with a lot of hard work and energy I was able to reprogram my thinking patterns that I slowly realized he was lying to me about all I believed I wasn't just. welfare piece of shit whore who could never be anything without him. I have not been on welfare for a minute since I left him. idk I think about 12 years ago.. I'm dirt poor, it sucks but my bills are paid and I have my life and my sanity. oh and a new guitar. hell ..after years of being alone cause I was so self loathing I didn't think I was capable of a healthy relationship..I even have a bf I've been with .5 yrs and am very much in love with. yea idk your age but I'm younger than you. pushing 40. but, are you one foot in the grave? will it be hard work and will you have to make some major life changes you may not like? yes your damn right. but what is your alternative? if you would rather stay in that situation, and keep making every poor excuse you can for why you have to stay. then lay back, relax, accept what is, including the girlfriend and them driving you insane, and don't complain about it. don't ask if he's spending money on her. dont ask anything because you chose to accept that situation and its none of your business. you make your bed , lay in it. and like gem said. if you got money for an expensive lawyer, you got money for a storage unit and a kennel for your animals for the one to two months it would take shelter and services to have you in your own apt.
the help is out there , at no cost to you other than energy and I'm not gonna lie, hard work. . if you don't seek ,your happy with your situation and should really stop the complaining "
View More Posts Ignore
Reply #14 - 03/12/13  11:01am
" I will explain why I answered. I haven't answered one of her posts ever since I found out she has been here before with 2 different names. She will deny this. She has been kicked out for being so nasty to people who were trying to get her to help herself. She has been asking the very same questions about what she should do since before last August. I, like everybody else started out feeling so sorry for her and we all did our best with suggestions, she had lots of people who were trying to help her.----she would never follow through with anything, then she would start over again a week later with the very same questions. As I said, this has been going on forever.

The only reason I posted under this thread was because she stated in her post she did NOT want any advice, she wanted us to tell her what we would do. I read no further. that is what I responded to. Once again all there was was a list of excuses why she couldn't leave. I am totally done. "
View More Posts Ignore
Reply #15 - 03/12/13  11:59am
" to add what boydie and gem wrote:

if this thread from a phoney account, at least we others are real and honest with our problems----phoney sob stories means that person is a total loser, no matter if she/he thinks they are having superior laughs at people who respond. "
View More Posts Ignore
Reply #16 - 03/12/13  5:25pm
" oh. guess I wasted a lot if time and energy last night typing all that. lol thank you for the clarification. I tend to give too much a shit about people in need of help and would have probably invested time in this, and currently I have too much on my plate to deal with this. I really need to get my head out of my ass and learn to seperate the real people from the fakes, its hard for me to see them. damn there are a lot of really mean people out there "
View More Posts Ignore
Reply #17 - 03/12/13  8:18pm
" freak: its not a waste what you wrote, you did a good thing if only for yourself. "
View More Posts Ignore
Reply #18 - 03/12/13  10:50pm
" Freakchick, to add to Chi's message: you also did a good thing for anyone else in need of help who reads this thread...

As with any thread on this forum--there's most likely not just one person with any problem, there's a bunch of people, so any helpful advice given here--even if completely and absolutely ignored by the original poster--might help someone else with a similar problem. You did a good thing for them. "
View More Posts Ignore
Reply #19 - 03/13/13  10:38am
" Thank you for your replies, however, I am disappointed that people associate me with someone else...There are a lot of people with similar problems. If you think that the person you associate me with was nasty, you are just as nasty, and I am going to ignore those posts. I am twiggie for real, nor someone else.

Anyway, for the good people, thank you for your replies, and like I said, it is hard to be in my shoes at this time for some. I was abused and beaten up as a kid, and my social worker said that is why I have the fear to leave.

I have never been nasty to anyone, and I am not the other person, but I am going to ignore those that accuse me of things. It is not nice. A person with problems should not be kicked down. "
View More Posts Ignore
Reply #20 - 03/13/13  10:46am
" I AM NOT MEYERS, DITTO DITTO DITTO..... "

First | Previous | Page: 1 2 | Next | Most Recent Add Your Reply
Advertisement


More From Around the Web