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Discussion:
Hurting so bad
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I've posted on here a few times..was in the midst of deciding to file or not file. My ex and i had a short marriage...dated a year, married for 5 months before i kicked him out. When we dated, he lied a lot. About who he was, what he did, etc.... Well, we got married, and he treated me well along w my kids..but to be honest, never got emotionally invested with my kids..and seemed to like the "status" of having a home and family and church more than anything. he seemed to like to belong. Well, during our marriage, i found out he had not filed taxes for the past 2 years, owed on one from 3 years prior, never had a driver's license (failed to pay a ticket) and seemed to keep an old gf's number in his phone...which he swore he never dated, but found out he did. After I kicked him out, we were seperated for a year. During that year, he lived it up i found out..gambled $500-$600 every weekend, talked to the old gf, went to every game in town, bought a car that he totalled and "forgot" to get insurance on, turned around a month later and bought his daughter a car as she's 16 and NEEDED a car....he did nothing to remedy things..didn't take care of his taxes, didn't stop smoking (he lost his leg 4 years ago due to smoking), and created a boatload of new issues. So...sadly...I finalized my divorce and the Judge signed it Feb 15. Man, i was sad...cried all weekend. What did he do? Kept his usual routine up..gambling, going out. (of course he doesn't know I know all that)...yet he called me for two weeks begging me back after it was final...saying it's just a piece of paper. He finally stopped the contact after I told him I would file a restraining order. But I'm still hurting very bad...very. It's like he could have cared less about me and my kids (never asked about them, and one was sick)..only said they were his "family" when he was begging me back. I am finally getting back on my feet..found a good job, and work a 2nd one to make ends meet. I'm crawling out of debt as when i kicked him out, I had no job...we lived on his income....and he makes good money. I don't know why i even wonder what he's up to...or why i care... I guess it just all hurts. Am I ever going to be happy again? He hurt me so much. Said he didn't change when we seperated because I dated someone, which I did after I filed. But that's not why I kicked him out..it was due to him. It is so painful...I'm reeling and can barely work. I know I have a lot to be thankful for..I have a home, a job, three beautiful kids. It just is sickening how he played me.
Posted on 03/08/13, 02:18 pm
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Reply #1 - 03/08/13  2:25pm
" Ohh Darcy, I wish I had the answers and am going through something similar. Just try to stay busy, focus on your 3 beautiful children and most importantly, prayer. "
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Reply #2 - 03/08/13  2:44pm
" Darcy, I think if you knew what a tough time some of the women have getting rid of their abuser it may make you feel better. You are now free so I would say yes, count your blessings and move forward. You need to concentrate on your kids and yourself. When you least expect it you will meet someone that will make you really happy. Just give it time and heal yourself first.
I wish you the best of luck!!!

If the next guy lies to you while you are dating, this should be a HUGE red flag NOT to marry him.

((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))) "
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Reply #3 - 03/08/13  2:44pm
" You start moving on with your life by stopping all contact with him and not checking up on him any more, AT ALL. You're only hurting yourself by finding out what he's doing. You're divorced, so he can do what he wants, as can you. Put the focus where it belongs - on you and your kids. Who knows why he behaves as he does. But talk is cheap. Don't listen to what he says, watch what he does. And in the end It doesn't matter anymore. Be done with him. "
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Reply #4 - 03/08/13  2:52pm
" Hi Darcy: We make mistakes and shi*t happens. Instead of kicking yourself and beating yourself up about it after the divorce, it's now time to say "I will learn from that and see the red flags in the future" and then PUT HIM IN YOUR REAR VIEW MIRROR and move on with your future with your kids.

You can have a good future with your kids and don't spend it looking behind you at what was. Look forward towards a goal and progress into a great future for the 4 of you. Many many hugs. "
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Reply #5 - 03/08/13  3:33pm
" i agree with you all...just easier said then done. I did watch what he did vs. what he said...and it never ever matched. He was gonna change, gonna do this, gonna do this...or it was my fault why he never changed. I know deep down I did the right thing by divorcing him. Granted he did none of those things when we were married, but if he did them before we met..and goes right back to them after i kicked him out..i just couldn't accept that..as that tells me that is who he REALLY IS. I agree on setting goals...I have done that...one was getting a job...other was saving my house...next one is taking my kids on vacation this summer. I know I'm darn lucky to have what I have..and I'd be a great catch to anyone...but it's hard to believe I was so stupid in this one. And to think he think i would ever take him back..well, adds salt to the wound...and to be honest, there is no doubt in my mind he will be with someone in a week or so..and it will add even more salt. "
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Reply #6 - 03/09/13  1:50am
" If only I needed the solutions along with 'm going by means of something similar. Simply try to stay hectic, focus on the Three or more gorgeous children and above all, "

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