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Discussion:
Ready to date again?
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I know that it will take time, but is there a way to know when I'm ready to date again? How did you know you were over the person that hurt you?

Despite him being no good for me, I still miss him and feel awkward at the thought of being with someone new on a date and such. (although I am sure that he's on to the next girl in line) Thoughts?
Posted on 01/31/13, 12:10 am
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Reply #1 - 01/31/13  2:52am
" I think you just know when you’re ready to date again, it was pretty quick for me but a date is whole lot different than having a lasting relationship with someone. If you’re honest with each other and enjoy their company I personally think having someone special in your life is always a good thing. Finding and knowing when you’re ready for that someone special again is what takes time, that’s where being okay with yourself comes in and that’s different for all of us. You don’t sound ready since your thoughts are about what the ex is doing but that will pass, just takes time. "
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Reply #2 - 01/31/13  9:06am
" Thanks for the thoughts. Trying to make myself whole and let go of him are two big obstacles. Hopefully in time things will become easier.

Best regards,
UV818 "
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Reply #3 - 01/31/13  9:40am
" When I knew I was ready to date again was: 1) When I had fully and deeply accepted that my ex and I were over for good 2) When I felt whole and strong and my life felt full being single, and 3) When out on dates I didn't think of my ex at all or compare others to him, did not feel sad and miss my ex, etc.

I had to test the dating waters a few times before I knew that it was time...trial ane error I guess :-) It will come for you with time; no good pushing yourself before you feel ready, IMO! "
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Reply #4 - 01/31/13  9:43am
" I agree with sidestep. You need to have your life in order, and you need to be happy with yourself before you should consider bringing someone else into the picture. Like they always say, you need to love yourself before you can love someone else. "
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Reply #5 - 01/31/13  10:59am
" Well those who end up the heros or the ones doing the rescuing usually look for something in return in the long run, or at least believe that the other half will give back...when it doesn't come back, it then turns into resentment.
I agree that it is supposed to be about two equals, and not two halves struggling to be one whole, or one being the hero and rescuing the other. "
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Reply #6 - 01/31/13  11:22am
" I agree with what the others have said. When you are happy and at peace with being alone with yourself, when you are not thinking about and bringing up your ex, when you are NOT lonely or must have companionship, then I think you're on a great path to begin dating again. "
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Reply #7 - 01/31/13  11:56am
" You can only give so much before the resentment starts to set in because you are not getting anything in return. I think that is where people set themselves up for failure, you're right, by not being up front and honest about their needs in the beginning. Stop trying to sugar coat things and make up some fairy tale relationship that doesn't exist and be real with one another. If someone doesn't accept you for you, and if it doesn't work, so be it. You can't force feelings, and eventually, the truth and reality is going to catch up with you. "
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Reply #8 - 01/31/13  1:19pm
" Intimacy is a whole other thing too. I am only weeks out of a terrible breakup. However, I have decided I need to also be allowed to feel good, and attractive. I am NOT by any means looking for a replacement, or relationship. Dating for me has been a nightmare in the past, but I have a friend I have known for years. Seeing him, and being intimate has helped me realize it's okay to feel good, and have boundaries.

My concern is when we do try and fill that void with someone else. I agree we all need time to be on our own, and love who we are. "
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Reply #9 - 01/31/13  2:14pm
" I'd like to say I would be ready to date when I never think of my ex, but there will always be reminders and triggers. I will always run into mutual friends, or go to places that we had gone to, or listen to music that we both enjoyed.

So I've had a few dates, and in general she isn't a thought when I was on them... I was thinking about the woman I was with or whatever we were talking about. I guess I'm ready? To me it doesn't seem so cut and dried. "

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