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Discussion:
This is terrible, can't even breathe...
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I'm going to try and make this short. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 4 years, there is a big age difference between us, he's 26 and I'm 39 but that never really bothered us, we still loved each other so much!! We have been arguing back and forth for a few months now about not spending enough time together. I have a 9 year old son that lives with us and I think he just wasn't bonding with him, I also developed severe anxiety about 2 years ago when I lost my mother and I didn't want to do anything anymore but stay at home for fear of having panic attacks in public. He was there for me alot and very sweet to me but I think he just didn't know how to handle it in the end. Well he up and just left me 5 days ago after a small argument about him not coming straight home after work, spending too much time drinking with his buddies. Well he said he was leaving and going out to his dads for the night, he didnt take any clothes or nothing...well he hasn't been back in 5 days with no contact with me at all. He just recently got a cell phone and he won't answer my calls or text, he won't even tell me out of his own mouth that it's over. I called his dad the other day and he told me,..no he's not coming back and yes it's over. I asked him why my boyfriend couldn't tell me that his self and he said because he don't want you to talk him out of it. I am heart broken, I can't eat, sleep, and all I do is cry! I really thought he loved me as much as I love him, I don't know what to do, I don't wanna go on without him!! I'm still sitting here in our house with no transportation and no money and barely enough food for me and my son. Oh and another thing that happened the other night was, one of his friends came over here drunk and out of control, I told the guy that my boyfriend wasn't here and that he left me....well I couldn't get rid of the guy so I tried calling my boyfriends cell again and left voicemails and text about the situation, well finally some young girl picks up his phone and says in a giggly voice that this is her phone now...I told her I was his girlfriend and she hung up on me. I still can't believe this is happening to me! It's like a bad dream! I would have never dreamed he would do this to me! I am so sick right now.....what do I do???
Posted on 12/19/12, 08:25 pm
15 Replies | Most Recent Add Your Reply
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Reply #11 - 12/21/12  3:59pm
" Have you asked him why? Maybe he feels responsible in some way. That would be refreshing. "
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Reply #12 - 12/22/12  1:09am
" I always hate to read about breakups. I know that it is always tough.
The age difference here could be a factor in that he is not ready to settle down. Here is why I say this.

1. He was not coming home.
2. He was staying out drinking with his buddies.
3. He wanted to "get away" for a few days at his dad's.
4. A giggly girl answers his phone and says it's hers now.

These are all indicators that he wants to be free to do his own thing. He is trying to break the cords that he believes holds him.

As far as him sending you food, money, beer, etc., He evidently knows that you have panic issues so, he is just being kind as a friend to another friend would be. Sometimes, these things are used as "peace offerings" as well.

You being 39, you are wanting a home life, security and the closeness a relationship brings. He is 26, young, and want to be a free spirit to go where he wants and do what he wants without having to answer for anything to anyone, except himself. It's sad to say but, this is what many young guys do. It seems as when they realize there are restrictions, strings or whatever in a relationship, they get cold feet and run. Many young men do not mature or know what they want till they are in their early to mid 30's. I have seen this same scenario happen time and time again and, in most cases, it is when the guy is younger and the woman is older, rather than vice versa. We have been through the mill here. that's why we are here. We will try to help you through this the best we can. "
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Reply #13 - 12/22/12  6:07am
" He's taking care of you to keep one foot in the door in case he wants to come back. THAT'S WHY! But you don't deserve to be anyone's backup plan.

You have got to set clear boundaries. My ex was 27 and I am 39. Oh the age never bothered us either but now I see that we were in two different places in life. You heard that girl on the phone because he is happily entertaining someone else. It's the truth. Accept it. Mine was
bouncing back and forth between me and his ex. It took me 8 months to accept it...What a waste of my life. I hate to see you cause yourself even more pain. I strongly suggest counseling and therapy and no contact. It's hard but you deserve better and so does your son. "
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Reply #14 - 12/22/12  7:49am
" I think YOU need to stop needing to be taken care of. Start working on a plan for you and your son that doesn't involve this kid carrying you. You need to depend on yourself first. Had he not bought groceries, where would you be? The cold truth is, he's NOT your son's father, so he's under no obligation to help you or your child. You need to advocate for yourself and not depend on a 26 year old to save you. "
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Reply #15 - 12/22/12  10:00am
" I can relate to your situation somewhat. I am 53 and just ended a 4 year relationship in May. He was 32. And as msaishe said we were at two different places in our lives. I'm sure he care for you but he realized it is more than he wants right now. He may be getting some flack from his friends or family about taking on so much responsibility at his age. And as old biker said my ex was still very immature. I'm sure your guy is too. Mine wanted our relationship to just be all about fun. I wanted to know I was important. I know its very hard but you are a mom and you need to make you and your child your first priority. And don't let him keep his foot in the door. Don't let him have it both ways. Please know you are worth more than that. You deserve to have it all. Not just what someone wants to give when it is good for them. Keep posting here and we will give you all the support we can. "

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