Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Someone said I could write my story, and I guess I would like to, even if just for validation that something was really wrong here, or maybe 2x4's, if needed. If I am over-reacting, I would like to know that, too.

We met through a mutual friend, and the relationship was very easy in the beginning. I'll call him John. We could talk easily. Most of the relationship was long distance, but we were able to see each other every couple of months.

What went wrong--
I couldn't take the jealousy-- I had no other relationships, only a couple of friendships with married men who were there before I met him, but he became insanely jealous, making accusations, snarky comments, even screaming at me (and saying all couples scream at each other when I asked him to stop screaming).

When I deleted him, because I couldn't take it sometimes, he asked his friends to copy and paste my wall and send it to him or to report what they saw on my wall., especially comments made by men. A couple have defriended him because of his anger when they would not.

Every time I reinvited him to be my friend on FB, he would comb through my FB and then send me a long list of questions that felt like an inquisition, and usually within a day, he was mad about something I posted innocently, like that The Zookeeper was cute. He thought that I meant a man. It was a movie. Or when I winked at my best friend's husband when I told him I was frantically cleaning house for their arrival (to let him know I was half kidding)--days of fights.

At one point, earlier on, he had access to my FB password. I had nothing to hide. His best friend had broken up with a girl, and was hurting badly, so I began sending private messages to try to help him. He actually reached out to me first. John could see all the conversation, and I knew he could, and i actually thought he would be happy that i was helping. He said he wanted us to be friends. There was no flirtation, clear boundaries, and I knew John was reading.

JOhn became jealous, complained that he wasn't getting enough attention, and logged in as me and told the friend he shouldn't be talking to me, but he said it AS ME. The friend was confused and hurt, of course, already an emotional mess. I logged on and told him to stop communicating, that the FB had been breached. He had no idea John had access to my Fb. JOhn was mad, and said he was going to lose his friend because of me, said I was going to go private and carry on a relationship with his friend. I had absolutely no interest in that! NONE. I starting doing it, because this friend was like John's brother, and I was so worried. He said he thought we were done. He later said that he didn't mean that as a breakup.

Well, the friend never found out it was John. John threw me under the bus, long story, blamed me for the situation, and their friendship was preserved.

Later, John said we could communicate, but he didn't want to read it. We did not talk for months, but then he needed help with editing something, so I agreed to help. The friend proceeded to tell me about a few girl problems, just wanted a woman's perspective. I told John we were talking again, and a few months later, John got mad about something else, can't remember what, and wanted the transcripts to all the conversations I'd had with him, copies of all the emails. I refused. It just seemed so controlling. I also didn't want to violate the friend by spreading his business. I told friend. I thought it should be his decision, since his love life had been discussed. He said John would have to ask him directly. John was sure we were talking about him, harassed me for a couple of weeks, eventually asked friend, and friend let him see. There was nothing there to make John mad, but just the paranoia and harassment, and I'm talking relentless harassment, was horrible.

too long, just going to post.
Posted on 07/27/12, 12:53 pm