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Dreams

deleted_user
deleted_user
I am at least lucky in this in that I very very rarely remember my dreams.

BUT the last two nights I've had dreams where the situations weren't just of how things were before but how they FELT. It is so bad that when I do wake up, I wake up in those feelings and it hurts all over again.

I don't want to get together again with my ex. I don't want to remember how great things used to be, and they used to be great. I don't need to re-feel all of it to remind me of how I don't have it anymore and how much she is now someone else's.

I feel cheated and I'm not sure of the reason my brain is forcing this on me.


And on a related note, tonight I went to sleep without OTC sleeping aid pills and it was a huge failure so far. Not only did I just get less than 2 hours of sleep but now I have to try to go back to sleep with this crap on my mind and heart.

I wish I could just erase this all and move forward, and there wasn't this big long drawn out process that I have to go through, while she is just fine with her new relationship with her new engagement ring I wasn't able to get her yet, with her new girlfriend that I'm sure she talks about that she's more of a man than I ever was, and doesn't seem to care at all about me and what we had, and seems already past all the crap I am left to deal with, if she ever had to deal with anything at all because I was just replaced, like she upgraded or something, and would rather go on like it never happened.

It's not fair and I didn't deserve any of this. I was good to her and would have taken care of her forever. While I was told by her and her parents that there wasn't anything I could have done and it's not my fault, it doesn't change anything for me.

I just want to sleep like a normal person again.

I just want to be normal again and not emotionally tied to this shitty situation, where I took a huge risk and it didn't pay off.

There is zero comfort in knowing that there was nothing I could have done, it would hurt just as much if it was another man. She gave up on me and "us", and just swapped me out, throwing me in the garbage like I never even mattered, when she used to not even sleep without me and couldn't get enough of me.

I hate my dreams, maybe that's why I very rarely remember them.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm sorry you're hurting. I'm having a lot of dreams, too, but I always have. But I'm using my dreams to help me through the process. They tell a lot about my state of mind sometimes.

I had a dream the other night that I was standing w/my stbx and we had our arms around each other. I was burying my face in his chest and it was so nice. There was no dialogue and the overall sentiment was good. I was surprised I dreamed that because he had pissed me off earlier by going drinking instead of coming to see the kids like he had promised. But in that dream, or that night, also I dreamed I was dating again. It was all kind of matter-of-fact and when I woke I took it as a good sign. I'm letting go of anger and moving forward. I still don't feel ready to date but that dream gave me hope.

I'm sorry you are in such pain. It will get easier. You may never see her have to deal with any of this but I assure you, she will somewhere. Whether it's in her current relationship or one that's yet to come. She can't escape herself (or karma) forever.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I went back to sleep for 2 hours and woke up to it again. It's so frustrating. Definitely going to sleep tonight with a sleeping pill.
luvmygirl4
luvmygirl4
Are prescription sleep aids better? If so maybe ask your doc. For me the hangover from the otc stuff isn't worth it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i also have dreams sometimes like everything is the way it used to be and when you wake up realise that it was just a dream and that your still going through hell trying to get over the loss and the hurt ... its like your mind is showing you what you used to have to torture yourself ..... hang in there .... andrew
MettaBhavana
MettaBhavana
I know what you mean about the dreams, and the intense feelings that come up. I have read that it's common for this to happen after a breakup (or when grieving a death)--like the mind's way of trying to bring that person back. I wish it didn't happen too, and that I could just erase my stbx and our time together from our minds.

I think it's especially difficult for you Edgar, because you see your ex all the time with her new partner--and while I expect and envision that my stbx has moved on fine without me, and may be with someone new--at least I don't have to see it right in front of my face all the time.That must be extremely hard I would think!

For me the dreams have decreased significantly with time. Even though they are painful, I look at it as it's my unconscious trying to help me process and work through things.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yeah, my brain seems to be a bit behind the times with the dreams or something, I dunno.

Took another nap to catch up on sleep and woke from a dream where I was having to deal with not being able to contact my ex and her mom all over again, the two people that I confided in and talked to the most.

It's not a good time.
babyrena
babyrena
I am not a dr, or anything close to it, but when my daughter was going through a tough time, the counselor, told her to go to the store and buy this stuff called melatonin, it's not a otc drug, it's something we already have in our systems, or something like that, like I said I am not a dr, just that it helped my daughter sleep without dreams and nightmares, she was 11 at the moment. She is 19 now and still yet goes to that supplement when sleep is tough. She was a SA victim.
Hope you all get a better nights rest. I too still have sleepless nights.
(((((hugs)))))) to you all.
babyrena
babyrena
I am not a dr, or anything close to it, but when my daughter was going through a tough time, the counselor, told her to go to the store and buy this stuff called melatonin, it's not a otc drug, it's something we already have in our systems, or something like that, like I said I am not a dr, just that it helped my daughter sleep without dreams and nightmares, she was 11 at the moment. She is 19 now and still yet goes to that supplement when sleep is tough. She was a SA victim.
Hope you all get a better nights rest. I too still have sleepless nights.
(((((hugs)))))) to you all.
babyrena
babyrena
I am not a dr, or anything close to it, but when my daughter was going through a tough time, the counselor, told her to go to the store and buy this stuff called melatonin, it's not a otc drug, it's something we already have in our systems, or something like that, like I said I am not a dr, just that it helped my daughter sleep without dreams and nightmares, she was 11 at the moment. She is 19 now and still yet goes to that supplement when sleep is tough. She was a SA victim.
Hope you all get a better nights rest. I too still have sleepless nights.
(((((hugs)))))) to you all.
babyrena
babyrena
I am not a dr, or anything close to it, but when my daughter was going through a tough time, the counselor, told her to go to the store and buy this stuff called melatonin, it's not a otc drug, it's something we already have in our systems, or something like that, like I said I am not a dr, just that it helped my daughter sleep without dreams and nightmares, she was 11 at the moment. She is 19 now and still yet goes to that supplement when sleep is tough. She was a SA victim.
Hope you all get a better nights rest. I too still have sleepless nights.
(((((hugs)))))) to you all.
babyrena
babyrena
I am not a dr, or anything close to it, but when my daughter was going through a tough time, the counselor, told her to go to the store and buy this stuff called melatonin, it's not a otc drug, it's something we already have in our systems, or something like that, like I said I am not a dr, just that it helped my daughter sleep without dreams and nightmares, she was 11 at the moment. She is 19 now and still yet goes to that supplement when sleep is tough. She was a SA victim.
Hope you all get a better nights rest. I too still have sleepless nights.
(((((hugs)))))) to you all.
luvmygirl4
luvmygirl4
((Don't you just love posting lag?))
Melatonin is a hormone that helps regulate sleep. Our bodies produce it naturally. It is often recommended for jet lag and such. I've used it to help me sleep at times. Its available anywhere that sells suppliments (drug store, grocery store). You can Wikipedia it if you want to learn more. It does make me somewhat groggy the next day, but bright light is supposed to cause your body to take it out of your system.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Edgar, please know that her behavior had ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with you. She would have done this to whomever she was with. Neither she nor her behavior is the barometer of your worth/value. Your worth NEVER changes. Why let a huge character flaw on her part dictate what you are or what you are worth? And trust me, she IS living with this. Issues don't simply go away. That's why psychiatrists have so many patients. Her flaws and issues are eating away at her like a cancer (trust me) and will not go away until ACTIVELY confronted and resolved. People carry issues and traumas for a LIFETIME until actively resolved. Trust me when I say that it is taking great effort on her part to suppress the memory of you. The brain doesn't merely work like a light switch, whereby you can just switch memories and feelings off and on (we here are all proof of that). Some medicate these unpleasant feelings/issues with substance dependency. Others use food, sex, relationships, etc. The list of things used to suppress unpleasant feelings/experiences is endless. Internally, whether she owns it or not, she is dealing with her comeuppance.
deleted_user
deleted_user
...this melodrama with her is just the beginning. My experience and gut tells me that there are many twists and turns yet to develop with your story. This is by no means the end.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thanks y'all. I'll look into melatonin. I do remember my mother taking it when I was young.

I just wanted to see if I could sleep without medicinal assistance last night. The answer is NOPE! And when I did wake up like 4 different times, it was the same record but different song, of how wonderful things used to be.

I do remember when I used to be single I would dream about being in a perfect relationship, and then waking up to not having all that was horrible. I guess this is the flipside.

I hate remembering my dreams, it's usually never good for me.