Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Married 24 years. Two boys off to college, daughter has 3 more years of HS. About 8 years ago, sex life started declining, maybe 3-4 times a year. Then four years ago it stopped cold. Was told I wasn't physically attractive to spouse because of weight. I'm maybe 20-25 pounds overweight, don't look obese or anything. Other criticisms suddenly bubbled up as well. WTF? Where did all this come from?

Spouse now goes on as if everything is just fine. Spouse has things exactly as wanted.......I do not. I have expressed, twice, my hurt feelings, that this is a nightmare for me, anxiety attacks, can't sleep, etc. No hand holding, no arms around each other - basically no physical contact whatsoever anymore - for four years. All other aspects of relationship have thus gone down the tubes. I'm always either sad, depressed, angry, or just plain in a fog.

A few months ago I realized I no longer had any feelings for spouse. None. Of course I want spouse to be happy and would still be there if support was ever needed, but I'm ready to move on with my life as this is just bizarre and going nowhere. It's dead.

I read something online where a marriage counselor had written, "If your spouse is withholding sex from you, run, don't walk, away. I have never seen this type of situation heal." I believe it. It has killed all my feelings for spouse and I'm finding it hard to even be around this person. Every day is just logistical and family business chit-chat at best.

I just don't get how spouse can just walk around as if everything's fine, when I've been dying for years now and have even expressed as much.

What would you do? I feel that I've been patient......but now I feel like all I want is to be out that door.
Posted on 07/17/12, 10:13 am