Breakups & Divorce Support Group

I am also trying to practice midfulness when i fall back into panicked rages. Just refucus our you eyes on something solid. Touch your pant leg. FEEL it. think how it feels. Breathing is what they always tell you to focus on. But i do so much yoga breath work, it's too 'normal' and internal of thing to bring me back. Stretching helps. Dancing too.

Kory -

Klonopin is good, it's chemically similar to Xanax. It's not as effective for me, but it might be enough for you. It's what they put me on before Xanax; they switched me over because the Klonopin wasn't helping that much.

Anyways, I'm sorry your relationship has become so poisonous. There was always an element of that in my relationship and I am partly to blame but my partner also has a serious mental illness so it was always hard to determine how much was appropriate to tolerate, as his behavior would be considered abusive if inflicted by a "normal" person.

I did bad things. I could have tried harder. But he could have, too.

What is your support system like? Is your life stable otherwise? Maybe there is something you can hold onto, focus your energy on.

I am kind of new at this. I have had relationships that didn't succeed in the past but they sort of fell apart gradually and it was inevitable. In this case I made a reckless blunder at a crucial point in our commitment, the most serious violation I could commit against this particular person, and it has destroyed both of us. He did go and fall in love with someone else right away but I set it all into motion by the choice I made.

I think the wisdom of "not trying" lies in the fact that everyone has built-in mechanisms to deal with grief. When my first fiance died, I thought the grief alone was going to kill me. I thought my organs were just going to slide out and the rest of me would just collapse. I found myself experiencing the "stages" involuntarily. It does happen naturally. What you are going through is a loss and it's very similar. It might help to search the stages of grief if you're not familiar with them already. Having support is VERY important. Unfortunately people don't rally around you over the loss of a relationship in the same way they do when someone you love dies -- if only. I think the thing to do is reach out to your support system as much as you can. I find that when I'm not doing well I withdraw and isolate myself, but this isn't something you can survive on your own.

i am not so good and NOT engaging. It is that HARDEST thing for me.

i sent this to the woman who was threatening me via text the other night from my gmail account just now. I feel better.

"threatening women with rape, making light of rape, and suggesting that women who speak up should be raped is not edgy or controversial.
It’s the norm. This is what women deal with every day. Maintaining the status quo around violence against women isn’t exactly revolutionary or bad ass as you seem to believe.

f you are this attached to aggressively 'joking' about threatening raping/ hurting women—
it’s time to look inward and think about why that is. What kind of a person are you? Besides sick and enjoying make bad situations far worse

Do you think Travis is better for what you did? No. he is hurt more now. A family who loved him and her now see him as the person who will fuck over the family and not pay back debts and such. You are the bad person, inserting yourself in a sitation you know nothing about. Doing damage.

If you had half a heart you would apologize to them all. Have you ever been raped? Beaten? Threatened with violence middle of the night?

it's not funny, or cool. It's criminal. Women like you aren't true women. You are misogynistic self-hating fools who deserve an education and make the world a worse place for women.

seek help for your alcoholism that causes you to make bad choices. I wish you peace for your angry hateful heart."

I think you need to explore the possibility that you did not read the signs and figure this person was not legit before this happened. I think I would examine that thoroughly so this does not happen again. People tend to send out messages...Leave a trail of potato chips... SOMETHING to say, "I am sick of this situation. This is what I am going to do. "

You mean with the text stallker or with the ex?

Uhm...your ex.

Actually I think that message you sent was pretty good. Maybe it will make her think.

So does he mean from contact alone?... Could he be doing that because he feels its best? Sometimes its best to have zero to minimal contact with an ex. Just sayin.

I am pretty certain he means for this to be legit. I am hoping it is just a threat. Just for peace of mind. So i can prectice no contact without feeling like he thinks i am this evil threat. I don;t know my it matters. Blame it on my ego.

He has been too wasted and busy it seems to really go forward with it.

Whatever.

i don't know why it matters. Yes, it might be better to go no contact. Yes. I agree.

But the panic stems from this place of post tramatic stress ---you see, his dad, my father in law, of 9 years (at the time) got sick with the cancer last year. I was pregnant with his kid. I wanted it. (the year before we got pregnant and had a a sad natural miscarriage) He didn't. Blah - i woudl have done anything to keep him. I terminated the pregnancy and was not ok with myself for it. Then my now ex wouldn't allow me to say good byt to his father on his death bed. He wouldn't let me go to the funeral. The panic as he was dying was EMENSE. I just NEEDEd to say good bye. IT was so horrible.

But i pushed forth. Forgavie him. But the panic around this father's death often gets worse when I let my mind go there.

Now, with him cutting me off...it feels EXACTLY THE same. And i lose my mind and can't breath and chench and feel like i might die, and that might be the best thing.

And why i need xanax...and why it is good idea to let him go. Forever.