Advertisement
Do you suffer from chronic pain?
Learn how straightening up can ease your pain
Chronic pain management tips
Learn how straightening up can ease your pain
Chronic pain management tips
More DailyStrength
|
Had a visit from Dr. Jekyll today
|
Watch this |
| View More Posts Ignore |
My stbx came to pick up the kids today. He made himself comfortable on the couch for a bit and I could tell something was up with him. I went into my office (working from home) and he came in a few minutes later and sat down. I asked him what was wrong and he said he was really sad and having a tough time again with the divorce. We talked a lot, mostly he talked. I wanted to hear what he had to say. It pulls on my heartstrings when the "nice one" shows up. He was crying, telling me he misses me and still loves me. Asked if I missed him and I said I'm not sure.
I had just pulled through a few tough days over last week and the weekend, feeling better every day and then I get blindsided again. I asked again about the other woman (our mutual married friend) and he again denied seeing anyone. She even txtd him a few times while we were talking. I still haven't told him I know he's seeing her. He will just get defensive and truly, it's not my business anymore. I know I can't trust him but damn it feels like I start to get my head back in a good place again and something trips me up. It's easier to move forward when I see Mr. Hyde, the angry narcissistic addict. I know they're really the same person. I won't ever get Jekyll without Hyde. He still refuses to address his issues and get help. For years, I soooooooooo wanted to believe what he was telling me and believe that things would get better. They never will and I can't be with him. Posted on 07/11/12, 06:14 pm |
| 7 Replies | Add Your Reply |
| View More Posts Ignore |
Sounds to me like you've got a good head on your shoulders! Just the fact that he's still lying about it is all the proof that I would need. And you know, it's not about HIM anymore... it's about YOU. Sounds to me like you can't trust him again, and it also sounds like that even if you DID give him a 2nd chance, this recent past would hang over your heads and you wouldn't be able to forget it. And if you can't forget it, then right now, I can already tell you... it's doomed. {{HUGS}} 
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I've lost count now of how many chances he's had!
I hate how easily I want to have hope and want to believe him. Good thing I already have an appt scheduled with my counselor for tomorrow.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I was married to a man for 18 years who sounds exactly like what you are describing. When we separated, it was hard and I knew it was for the best...HOWEVER, I kept letting him go back and forth between me and his new girlfriend for 4 months. I would get better and he would show back up with all his clothes begging to stay. We had a son together and I felt guilty (why I have no idea) so I'd let him stay. 2 or 3 days in, I'd come home from whereever I had been and he and all his stuff would be gone again. I was on a roller coaster of emotions and couldn't get off it seemed. Finally, I realized what it was doing to my son and to myself having him in and out like that and told him not to come back again. I arranged for drop offs and pick ups with friends and family so he had to no chance to drag me back into his brand of insanity. It's hard when they are nice one minute and the next they are just out there and mean or hateful. You love the one and hate the other.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I had to laugh at the subject of the thread... visit from Dr Jekkll..."
It is hard when someone can be two totally different people at any given time. You want to try, its in your nature. It sounds like you are standing strong regardless of the loop you were just thrown thru. You are going to make it regardless of the Dr. stay strong
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Cheaters often do have a tough time with the divorce. I think several things happen: 1) They find out single life is not all that great; 2) They find out the lovers they've left their spouses for don't turn out to be all that great; 3) They realize there is emotional and definitely financial fall out to divorce.
The last reason is probably the most telling. Many cheaters typically have two incomes while they're still married, so that affords them lots of spending money for the ow/om. When they go down to a single income, have to pay spousal or child support or both, or lose a shitload of assets in the divorce, suddenly they can wine and dine the ow/om and that take the fun out of the relationship real quick. My ex is a classic example of this. When we separated, he stopped paying bills but was blowing money left and right. When we got out finances separated and I took his ass to court for spousal support, suddenly he pleaded poverty. He like having all that extra money, but eventually his little party came crashing down. I'm glad you didn't buy in to his tale of woe. I think in the future when he starts that, you would be wise to use a line I used with my ex quite often after the divorce: "Oh well, this is the life you chose." Sending hugs!
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
My stbx wasn't a cheater during our marriage. Of all the things I can say about him, he was never a womanizer. This relationship with our married friend only started a few months ago as far as I can tell. So it really isn't my business if she is cheating on her husband and my stbx is sleeping with a married woman. But it's hurtful that it's a mutual friend and their affair will affect more people when the truth comes out.
I wonder if that was part of his sadness yesterday. If he let the fact that he's seeing a married woman finally sink in. It's really not his style and he very well could feel bad about it but if I know him as well as I think I do, he won't feel bad for long. He'll bury those feelings, justify what he's doing in some way and move on. I have to not get sucked into it because it's so easy for me to do. I have been reminding myself (and I said this to him yesterday) that when he gets back to work, he will feel better. He's been out of work for an injury, the tough stuff is behind him on that but he hates not working. We are both still processing the divorce and we'll both have setbacks and times when we are really sad about it. I have to remind myself that his sadness yesterday and words are not an indication of how good our life could be together when we communicate but just part of the process of letting go and it will pass.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
|
|
|
|
||
| Add Your Reply |
Advertisement
More From Around the Web
