Breakups & Divorce Support Group

I have considered sending my ex's Mom Mothers Day flowers from now until doomsday. I absolutely love their Mom. Not sure what message that would send to my ex though. Not sure I care though. I will have to ponder this.

Thankfully my ex didn't keep in touch with my family, only once did he come around to an event and that was it - wasn't awkward thankfully.

However, my aunt still keeps in touch with my ex's mom! This is what I heard as of two years ago and I dare not ask again because I don't want to know. My aunt is in her 70s and so is his mom, so let them continue with whatever "friendship" they want via phone (one in NC and the other NJ).

The only things that really bothered me about this is my ex's mom never reached out to me ONCE during the separation or divorce. Never! One holiday card and that was it. She cut her ties. As awesome as she was, it wouldn't be possible to maintain a relationship with her. No kids, so no need to connect. This was hurtful, but I got over it. It just bothered me that some connection still was maintained with a woman that shunned me.

And the other thing that bothered me was my aunt passed me a message from the ex-mil that I had belongings in her basement to come and get. Hello? WTF. Ask her son why my things are still there. He committed to loading all of it and we'd meet halfway to exhcange belongings. He sold his Jeep for a sports car and got into a new relationship. To hell with me at that point LOL! So I had to just let my aunt and his mom have whatever they had... probably only a once a year phone call.

If it was my sister or mother or anything like that, I'd surely feel differently. Really try to talk to your sister and have her understand why this is bothering you so much. Most people would be bothered by this. When you're trying to be the bigger person, you don't want to tell anyone to choose a side... but heck, it's your sister! There shouldn't have to be a decision to make there.

What does she say? Why is a relationship with his family more important than your feelings on the matter?

It will iron out in time. Perhaps focus on yourself and not this decision your sis is making. She may come to see the error of this and listen to you eventually.

Hang in there.

I had a relationship with my stbx's family outside of him. He didn't have that with my family. He never called them just to say hi, or remembered birthdays or events. So I still speak with his family and expect to continue that to some extent always. He's upset that nobody from my family calls to check on him but that was never their relationship. And with my family and his own, too, he would often try to get out of family events so it's no surprise that there's very little contact between him and them.

At first I wasn't sure if I should continue contact but they are not just his family, they're my children's family and we love them. I always want to keep a good relationship for my kids' sake.

My sister and her ex husband been divorce 15yrs. I still hang out with him because he's part of our family.

It's funny how I have a brother in law and his wife is also my sister in law.

Why? Because my sister is a cheater and we all lost trust in her.

I'm sorry that you are in the predicament you are in. I have thought about contacting my ex's mother who is innocent in what happenend between in my relationship with her son however, I have no way of knowing how my ex will perceive my contacting his mother. In my mind once the relationship was over, contact with my ex's family became history as well.

If I were in your shoes, I would be feeling angry that a family member is still contacting an ex of mine. Boundaries need to be set in order for you to move on in a healthy way.

I am on good terms with my ex-in-laws, although this upsets my ex very much. He expects them to just cut me out of their lives and support him and skank ho/now wife. They flat out said that they have known me over 30 years and are not willing to do that.

I do not go to family events unless I know he won't be there. On the other hand, my ex will likely never be asked to anything that my family is doing. They despise him for what he did to me.

I think every situation is different.

I don't think I would mind so much if it was simply my brother in law keeping in touch with my STBX, but it is the fact that he and my sister have said he is welcome to come visit them anytime and with the children also. A visit means overnight it isn't a day trip, and that is MY family and MY sister. I fully expected that he would have some type of contact with my fanily, afterall he is still an uncle to kids on my side and it wasn't a short marriage. It's the timing that KILLS me. I just feel like it's a slap in my face that it is all happening within the first month... then again this is a man who called MY mother to tell her we were splitting BEFORE I had a chance to. Again... I am speechless. Do I need to start being just as cruel to get everyone to understand? Of course I say that knowing full well that I won't... sometimes I wish I were a B**** so maybe it wouldn't hurt so much =(

None of my family hates my stbx but none of them wanted to call him when we split either. My mom is coming to visit in a few weeks and they will see each other for the first time since the split. Should be interesting. My mother has no time for him and his attitude. I'm going to have to remind her to not say anything negative in front of the kids.

I would let my sister know how hurtful it is and it's all so raw that you don't want them visiting. Why can't you take the kids to visit with them?
He sounds like he is purposely being hurtful. Calling your mom to break the news to her was a selfish move.

I would normally have taken them to visit by now, but since we aren't on speaking terms and they continue to speak with him and welcome him to their home I don't see that happening. Especially since our latest conversation basically had me being yelled/screamed at for 10 minutes about how they are simply being compasionate towards him and don't understand why it bothers me so much. Apparantly there isn't enough compassion to go around so some is shown to me.

I honestly feel like I have ALL MY LIFE in my family... I'm expected to be "the bigger person because I am the stronger one". Have been told that through many family situations since I was 16. I'm done backing down. And if that means I have my other sibling pick the kids up to go for a visit then I guess that is what will happen... then again do I really want my children around someone who is so willing to completely ignore and invalidate my feelings?

If I weren't such a non-B**** I would FB friend her ex just to piss her off. But, as I've said before, the mean thoughts enter my head but I would NEVER follow through... somehow though, simply thinking it makes me feel a little better =)

I do however feel really bad for my other sister and my Mom because they keep getting hounded, slammed and stuck in the middle as well as accused of talking ABOUT her with me. I however, only talk about the situation with 1 close friend and my counselor.... until now. I have added you all, and God help me if she ever stumbles across this site and reads this!