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People's comments can be strange
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On here and in real life. I was with my stbx for 15 years (married 12) so I don't think it's unusual that I'm still hurting after 8 months since our split.
We have 3 young children so we still have to speak often. I'm not angry, I'm not sorry for my decision, but I'm still sad. I don't get why people can't understand that 8 months is not a long time. The first 3 months were so nuts, I don't think I even got to process any of it. And it is a process. I can't actually fefl my thoughts and emotions shifting. I have friends who thought I should get right out there and start dating. No thanks. For starters, I work 50 hours a week just to pay the bills and my kids need me when I'm not working. My plate is piled way too high right now, I don't have time or energy to date anyone. Another major reason for not dating is that I'm in a very vulnerable state. I need to work on me. I think it would be very easy to get swept up right now after all the hurt and I'm not ready for that. I'm optimistic that I will meet someone, I've had some men express interest but I'm simply not ready. Just a short vent. I know people mean well but it's tiring explaining myself. Posted on 07/11/12, 07:43 am |
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I hated the divide between "the singles" and "the marrieds", especially at church. The church I went to used to have the two groups meet separately in different parts of the church, so if you get divorced, you lose all your friends and have to move groups and then if you get remarried it happens all over again. I wish people were better at just dealing with the person and not trying to fix us by adding or removing a partner, lol. 
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bhambuy, I'm sorry but that's awful that they divide up singles and marrieds in your church! I know they mean well but wow.
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i feel divided by being single even if they don't make me sit in the special rejected wives huddle or whatever. I am also child free, so that is another isolating and exclusionary factor.
I identified too much with ex and narrowed my life into mostly......him. When we identify like that and focus like that, we harm ourselves. He did a lot at the end to traumatize and main, but making him my raison d'être.... that was ALL on me. Good for you wmagirl that you have your priorities so straight.
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Boydie, I completely relate to what you said above, right down to being childfree, and also having become narrowly focused on my stbx during our relationship (a lesson I have surely learned not to repeat!)
I feel exactly the same way about being alienated due to being separated and soon-to-be-divorced, and being childfree--especially because I live in a very traditional, "family-friendly" area. I really get tired of feeling like the odd one out. Luckily, recently I have been able to develop friendships with a few other divorced women with no children, which has helped immensely! But it took a lot of work to be able to find others in a similar situation! I am very grateful to have found them, though.
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You will never be a good partner in another relationship until you are healed. We really do take our baggage of the past with us into the future and future relationships unless we seek counsel, faith, and time to heal, reflect on your marriage, and grown as your own person. Eight months is nothing. Perhaps friends or people here just want to encourage you. It takes a very long time to heal after the end of a relationship, even if it was an unhealthy one. I commend you on not jumping into another relationship and focusing on yourself, your children, and your work. Give it all time....you certainly don't need any other distractions on your plate right now. I wish you the best.
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8 months is not too long
although it might be longer than people can tolerate , if they love you and it pains them to see you suffer
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((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((wmagirl)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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