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I'm stuck.
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All feedback is welcome. :)
Divorced, kids grown. Moved on. Met a guy. We dated over a year. I fell hard. I feel he is stuck in my soul. They say that love has to be nourished to grow. I don't know if I believe that. I believe you can love someone unconditionally, even if they are no longer in your life. I moved away. We broke up. I moved back. He had a brand new girlfriend. We were obviously still attracted to each other. Not a sex issue. Goes beyond. He wanted to see where that relationship was headed with her. I thought maybe he would eventually want to break up with her, but I also didn't want to be a third wheel so removed myself from the playground that was once ours. He's still with lucky her. He states that he is happy. He had a drinking problem when I met him (I seldom drink) and was overweight. I didn't care about the weight. He will always be divine to me. He quit drinking fairly recently and dropped a lot of weight on a vegan diet. Looks smashing; I saw him at a WalMart as I was walking out, he was walking in. He said "hi" and I was speechless and acted like a dork by waving only. I was in shock. Weak in the knees, heart beat a millions miles a second. Blurred vision. Pain. I know he still cares about me, bless him, but it's not enough and it's too late. Bad timing. I can't forget. I can't move on. No one makes me smile and laugh like he did. No one has given me the level of warm fuzzies I had with him; not even my ex husband back in the day. Tried everything...new routine, focusing on what I like to do with my time, no contact, got rid of pictures. Everything, well, nearly everything, reminds me of him. Logically, it's ridiculous. My heart won't listen to my head. I shed tears daily. I'm so fed up with this hurting. Waste of time!!!! The last hug I had from him was in October. I'm not looking for someone else to fix me. I can be alone, but my thoughts about him crowd out the daily thoughts one normally thinks about so I'm unproductive. I am lonely. I've dated others and it feels so very wrong...generally creeps me out when they touch me. When out on a date, I am looking to find a good exit line and wonder how soon the date will end. 2 hours and I'm jumpy and trying to find the right thing to say so I can get out of seeing my dates without hurting their feelings. Then I'm lonely again. These are nice men, too. I want to be able to enjoy a man's company without feeling like I want to be with someone else. I want to be happy. I want my heart to listen to my logic. Posted on 07/05/12, 03:19 pm |
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I recall when logic did not match emotion for me. I told myself that if that person wanted to be here, they would. They found something, or have already invested in something that they think is better for them than me. It became okay. Ultimately, I found I loved them enough to let them go down their own road, and find their own happiness. I was devastated it wasn't to be with me, but, I am the center of no one's universe, ever, and that's the way it should be. 
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Not
I've been stuck for over two years-my heart refuses to catch up to my mind. It's hard to accept-when someone walks away from you. But, I can't control the situation. It is what it is. I thought he loved me-and maybe he did-just not as much as I do and still do him. This is my cross to bare. Most days I teeter between a nervous breakdown and suicidal thoughts. Again it is what it is. Sending you prayers and support!
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I would recommend you see a counselor to help you work through your feelings and try to find a way to put this behind you.
I'm sorry you're hurting.
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The description that you gave of how you feel indicates that you are stuck in the infatuation stage of that relationship. Its the most intense stage, and the one we all wish would last forever. The infatuation stage also makes people do things that they would not usually do, including pining for the other person.
Time for a little soul searching for you. Could it be that knowing that you can't have him makes you want him all that much more? Hope you can get through this ASAP.
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Sorry you're hurting Why did you move away and did you move back for him knowing he had already moved on?
Think of how many novels and songs have been written about unrequited love. It's such an intense pain and can consume you. Sounds like you are trying to move on by dating other men. Keep looking, there will be someone else who makes you laugh.
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You all make sense in different ways and I thank you.
dump3d... Sometimes I'm happy for him that he found someone who got him to where he is with his health and makes him happy. I have been selfishly missing him. Like I said, I don't want to be like this, but your words got me thinking in another direction for a little while. hurtingand healing....I have no insurance. Checked into free or discounted services in my area and no go. My friends are sick of me mooning over this, lol. Reply#2, I'm sorry you are going through this. Didn't read your profile...many of you on here have had relationships that were more substantial... with kids, responsibilities, etc... Lance. Infatuation stage. Although we helped each other through some difficult times, we didn't have responsibilities together, so no trial by fire. Telling my heart is another story. Stuck. It didn't help that he was so helpful and sweet to me about my pain (which I hid well). I have rationalized this whole thing to death and maybe the whole thing would have fizzled out, anyway! Wmagirl, I didn't want to move away yet didn't move back to be near him. He was already starting to date her at that point yet had some of my things that couldn't stay in storage. My grown kids live in the same area. You are right about the songs/verse. Adele's "Someone Like You" struck a huge chord in me. Music played a very large part in our relationship. I hope to find someone to help me laugh, someone with whom I can have a more substantial relationship with where we gladly share responsibilities, etc. Thanks for this, DS folks.
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Sounds like you're still healing... nothing wrong with that. Maybe you should take a break from dating for a while and learn to be happy with just you? Perhaps the issue is that you still have hope of the two of you ending up together?
I think that if you stop dating, you'll be really lonely at first, but eventually, you'll get used to it, and come to enjoy your own company.
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Good advice, utterpain. I WAS waiting for him for quite a while, but no more. I tried to give the short version of it all. I took a 6 month hiatus from dating. I dated a LOT after I moved back...even had a short relationship with a guy that I broke off because he was wound too tightly and reminded me of my ex husband (hell, to the no!!!) . Just started dating again a few weeks ago. I'm one of these people who function best when I have someone in my life, but now I'm getting stuck in my ways and don't want to compromise with my dates much, lol.
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Notsotough, I'm sorry for what you are going through! I burst into tears every time I hear Adele's "Someone Like You"--it really hits home for me too. But just to inject some humor (hope it's ok--I don't mean to make light of something serious)--have you seen this SNL sketch about the song? I love it!
http://perezhilton.com/2011-11-14-e...
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