Breakups & Divorce Support Group

I found that when my ex had finally been able to re-invest the feelings they had for me, such as love and passion, into someone else... our relationship became better and stronger.

We are now best friends, and work on a mutual front as far as the children, and I really like their new partner. They understand when "we" (the ex and I) have to do something kid centric. I am invited to family events, and everyone is okay with it.

That's great dump3d, and in my perfect world, I would like to do that. However, I cannot share oxygen, open space, or anywhere the "thing" is going to be. They broke up my marriage through an affair, I know things that I wish I didn't. It will NEVER happen on my front. On his, it has to be for him to bear. Anyone I see has never been the one to come into my marriage, so for me, I see things a bit differently. Maybe that's being selfish or childish, but in NO WAY will I ever, if I can help it, be in arms length of that "whore", and actually, nor will I be invited to, either.

I actually had to tell my ex that I had a visitor over, and it was for him to decide if he wanted me to pick up the kids or for him to drop them off. I ended up picking them up, but I also didn't want to blindside him, if he wasn't ready to visually accept it.

That's a lot of respect you gave him in that decision, considering. I've seen a lot of broken up marriages, and like that you are saying that "they" broke up your marriage, as it was his decision as well.

I recall the great times with my partner as well. It was a 20+ year relationship, and we talk of them often.

He has his "thing". That's okay. It's not a competition. You'll find your man, but find you first. I have found that relationships started amidst, or immediately after a previous relationship don't usually work out.

Also, Karma is a bitch. I suggested that to my ex-partner (married to for 20+ years), and they laughed, as they knew I didn't end our relationship on the greatest of terms, and I just recently had another relationship end, that completely devastated me.

I have to give them credit though, they called me everyday to see how I was faring. It was huge for them to set aside the things we had been through, and how I had hurt them, to see how I was faring.

I understand how much this hurts, how awkward.
I think you are brave to go through it. I have no children, so when ex dumped me I was able to go no contact. I have been in court with him for nearly five years now, and that is the only interaction, which completely destroys me every time. Recovery will never happen for rme I fear, but I am not the usual outcome.

I have not met anyone to fill my heart again. I think dump was suggesting that when you are mated again and at peace these lingering agonies will settle.
I know that if I had met someone decent and was loved again, and did not have to deal with everything on my own, year after year, that I would not feel so broken as I do. I hope you find someone because you are a generous soul and we all deserve love. When you are feeling whole again, you will be normalized. I see it here and in life all the time, but obviously not speaking from experience. it seems to happen for most.

The way I forgot the good times is just remember the times he was such a prick during our marriage, separation, and divorce, and how he still remains a prick. That usually erases any good memory I had of him.

Sorry you're struggling.

in terms of my ended marriage I echo what dumped posted

and in terms of my exS, what H&H said is true for me

I think it depends how much value you give your ex in terms of an ongoing platonic relatiosnhip
if he has little to no value in that way then why bother?
if he is a great person who can still remain a good friend then it may be worth it to you to give it more time, good faith and patience

I'm not sure, honestly, if he deserves it or not. 99.9% would say no, because of how it all went down. I have a tendency to fall in that 99% but then I think he's the man I married--once. I know deep inside I still love him, and always will. The kids just told me recently, "daddy said he still loves you". A bit late, I would say.

In reference to any man I'm seeing, I just know its not good, I'm not happy. I would love to find someone that would not be a user (haha, I know), and would take my kids and love them (or even like them) too. I'm just not able to get out and meet people. I met this person online after weeding through crazies, and just plain awful bios. I won't try online again, it's just not for me.

I am in the same boat as you are. Our children our grown up so I have no need to see my ex. But I miss him dearly and would do anything to have him back. No one compares to him and he knows me better than I know myself. People say time makes things better but it has been 3 years and nothing has changed. It is a very hard thing to handle meetings when you are still in love with the person.

You guys are making me cry. My divorce will be finalized next week. I miss my ex too. The things he did to me were awful but we were so so happy together for 12 years. All of a sudden he had this affair when I was pregnant. Why? Why would a guy do this to his wife? I have not seen him for a whole year. We live in the same town and it is so painful. I, too, ask myself whether I will ever be able to love someone again. He was my first love.The other day he left his sweater, just forgot it in my living room. When I realized it was his, I took his sweater in my arms and had a long good cry.

Tonight I feel especialy awful. It is one of those days when he came over to see his kids and I am at work so I don't see him. I was supposed to go for a drink with a colleague from work. It is for the fifth time that the colleague postponed. Believe me I am not desperately looking for a new relationship at this stage. I simply thought it would be nice to go out and have a friendly chat that's all. This colleague seems a bit weird though. He sees me at work and drops an email saying "it was nice seeing you again, would you like to get together for a drink?" (OK, he's the one suggesting) Then when we set up something he either cancels or postpones.

Anyway, lovesherkids, for me it would the most heartbreaking thing to hear from my children "daddy says he still loves you." How long have you been divorced or separated?

Ive been trying not to respond but I can't help it anymore! Lol, the title of the thread makes it sound funny.

I kept thinking if it's still hard why are you complaining? Lol