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my wife left me
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After going off Citalophram a month ago, so she could drink, she started getting mean, picking fights. Then she had a hysterectomy (left ovaries) and her sister had surgery. All this while a family member of mine was on trial for murder. It was a hard month!
She kept picking more and more fights. Then seizing the chance at time alone we got a babysister and took my wife to some bars where she was picking fun of me. She asked me to kiss her, and pulled away saying there was no passion (there was). We went home. She had a friend over to talk. Picking a fight again, now all of us drinking, she said alot of really mean things, and well, drinking and having enough I responded. So she left, with the kids. The next day telling me she wants a divorce. This is a week and a half ago. She has already seen a lawyer. Its all happening so fast my head is spinning and my stomach hurts. Talked to family and friends ALOT. I feel better sometimes now at least instead of constant misery. Seeing a councelor and maybe my pastor next week. Also a lawyer consult. I had my house and cars before the marriage and really only spent on her and the kids, but she is threatening to take it all. I get my daughter half the time which has been great. She keeps me busy and still small enough she asks to hug and cuddle. But my wife is being very wicked whenever I have to deal with her. Asks strange questions. I don't trust her. I am getting paranoid she will accuse me of abusing our daughter even. I tried so hard to make the marriage work. I paid for alot of what we have. I cooked most the meals. Washed most the dishes. Did all the lawn work and my own laundry. I did all this hoping she would love me. Now, I think it was all a farce, for 6 years. I am thinking she wanted a normal hard working guy and faked it to get me. I feel ashamed. And I still love her. But she's so cruel now I can barely stand being near her. Posted on 07/05/12, 09:20 am |
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Start by getting a lawyer, pronto. Find out what is what for your state or not. That's the best advice I can give. Get the facts on paper. (((Hugs))) 
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You alluded to the core problem a couple of times, but didn't come right out and say what it is, alcohol. From what you did say, drinking is of major importance to her. I think that your major concern right now should be your daughter being raised by an alcoholic. Drunks have no concern for others if it stands in the way of your drinking. If I were you I would be worried about my child getting in the car with her as well as other dangers like burning the house down while blasted.
Get you kid away from here ASAP.
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If drinking is such a concern, why did he get "a babysister and took my wife to some bars"? Sounds like an enabler to me.
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I dunno. Trying to make her happy. It was her idea.
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CF, I'm sorry about all the painful stuff you are going through! I highly recommend Al-Anon for you.
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Relationships centered around, or entertaining the concept that they will "get better" with alcoholic events just doesn't ring right with me.
I just got back from a thing in Chincoteague. Very gorgeous area, great house, shared with 11 other people. The thing that bothered me was, every event was centered around drinking. I haven't been that person for a LONG time, and it seems that the 40 somethings and 50 somethings I was shacked up with, were trying to relive their college years. I didn't get it.
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If she is asking you strange questions, BE VERY CAREFUL AND LIMIT YOUR CONTACT WITH HER.
It might be better if you communicate only by email or text--that way you have a written document of what was said and there is no emotion. If you fear she may accuse you of harming your daughter, you need to take this SERIOUSLY. Even the allegation of abuse is enough to ruin a reputation, even if the charges are totally bogus. Might not be a bad idea to have a female relative stay with you when you have your daughter there. Maybe a good time to have grandma visit. Makes it a little more difficult for her to make that accusation if there is someone else present to refute it. I've seen this type of thing happen and it is very sad. One thing I would advise and the other poster alluded to this, the drinking issue. For now, I don't think you should do any drinking while this is going on. That is one thing I did during my separation--I avoided alcohol like it was the plague!!! I didn't want to do anything stupid that would compromise my integrity or cause me legal problems (as in drunk dialing calls, etc.). Good luck. I hope you are seeing a lawyer soon. Sounds like your wife may be difficult to work with during this divorce.
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Alcohol is the fuel. Act quickly to protect yourself and your daughter. Find out about property division in your state. She cannot take it ALL.
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So she drinks. You know this. Most of us here put our heart into saving our marriages and are here because it didn't work out.
Now, you are in survival mode. Don't tell her ANYTHING about what you plan to do now. Good advice has been given you here, up above my words. If she acts nice, don't fall for it. Be neutral. Get as much info from her as possible. Some may be bluffs, some may be the alcohol talking, but you need to look out for yourself. She has someone telling her what to do, advising her besides her lawyer. The more information you have, the easier the transition. Go to court and sign up for the parenting classes/counseling. Get your daughter in counseling...this is really hard on kids. That puts you in a good light as it shows you care about the welfare of your daughter. Make sure you don't talk about mommy in front of her. Keep posting here. Journal, too. It helps. Then someday, you can go back and read where you once were and be glad you have moved on. Hugs
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Hurting & notsotough gave some excellent advice, I hope you take it all in, especially having a female friend/family member around when visiting with your daughter. With allegations of abuse, you become guilty until proven innocent, protect yourself and your daughter and take care!
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