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Chronic pain management tips
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How to STOP?
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Do I need to 12 step away from this addiction to him?
I think so. He tells me he loves me and BAM, addicted, all over again. He helped me move last weekend...to my first place alone this week. (After him moving out on me which forced me to live whit my sister fir a year.) He loved on me soooo hard all weekend. I felt hope. He kissed me hard. He held me naked. I told me he loved me so much. Like an alcoholic, one sip is all it take to fall. ....I fall in love all over again with the things that hurts me most. That leads me to a place where i am out of control and self deprecating. "I NEED you." No i don't. I need some you who says they love me and that translated to action...not just words...to treating me right. We are supposed to go to that B&B today. I haven't heard from him for two days. So fuck him. I should just go alone. It's already booked. But that will cause me to want to jump into the St Croix (it's on the river.) This was supposed to be the last thing we do...but admittedly, him saying he loved me soooo much all last weekend had my hopes up. He just keeps fucking with my head. And i keep letting him. Seriously, i do now feel the shit he has done to me far exceeds anything terrible i have ever done to him. But because i did those things, (cheated on him and have been working my ass of for 2 years now since i was exposed and stopped promptly and changed so much for him. Put him first. ....just to be abused on repeat...for years now.) i keep giving him passes to be a jerk. Over and over and over and over. The things he has done to me are down right inhumane and purposeful. I have been so good. So focused. I have read every book I could on how to fix this. I have done everything. My patience is depleted. My health has been hurt. I have wrinkles and crying lines I never had before. My back account depleted from the things i do...the trips i plan to get to know each other again. STOP! The fact is he won't change. He is who is: Caring in his mind, but rarely in his actions. He is not pro-active with love. (well I am...so much it hurts me). I don't know how to stop trying. It is habit now. Hurt me? I just try to be better to you? Hurt me again? I keep trying only to be hurt again. He can't pull it together. He love hurting me. HOW DO I STOP THIS PAIN CYCLE? after 10 yrs with him...I have no idea how to stop. Posted on 06/16/12, 12:05 pm |
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I think you know the answer. Your life is unmanagable, isn't it??? :) 
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question 1
is this one in a pattern of relationships where your partner repeatedly mistreats you? question 2 is this one in a pattern of relationships in which you have been addicted to your partner or the relationship?
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Like my ex she kept saying don't go would say nice things and I would feel sorry and stay even though I wanted a brake for myself. We would be good for a few weeks then the fights started again went on like this forever also she told me at first when we met she had so much she wanted in life like I did and 3 months into it all changed.
Some people just need someone not saying I was not scared also of letting go of her cause she did have good things about her but fighting about all the time and her using her training she takes for work against me and always making sure her side was always told and not mine! You have to let go cause at the end of it she is the one that had know clue beside making a baby and getting that ring cause all her friends had this already and she was one of the last. So with being in pain dragging it out makes way more pain then just saying I need to stop it now and take a brake or maybe never come back but you should decide that for yourself korywar and not let anyone else do it as then it make you stronger also cause you made your mind up! We all have habits and I said bit of mine and I broke up with my ex 10 times before it was the last. But what I'm saying is I should of took a brake from it all seek my help again and then cleared my head and then figured out what to do about it and maybe the about it part would of moved on with life and just was never meant to be. But try not to keep putting yourself threw all this pain it only gets worse. Not here to tell you how to do it just share and do understand some of your hurt! Hugs!
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Wow... I am going through something very similar with my ex. I was the one who cheated 3 years ago, we worked through it, but he never forgave me. He was cruel to me, and still is. He dumped me when I moved away for school for a year and then moved on with someone else. I begged for him back and he broke up with her... we are still MILES AND MILES apart... and he says he wants to work on it and threatens and guy who comes near me... but his actions are not the nicest... I barely feel like he is trying but he talks to me JUST ENOUGH that I stay looped right into the madness. To give you any advice would make me a hypocrite. I felt MOST free when I have zero contact with him and knew nothing about him though... so if things do not seem like they are going to work, end all contact and possible communication and STICK to it.
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He came over. To say sorry. We are right back in it.
I need some strategies to end this madness. I am not strong enough. We love each other. But are TERRIBLE to each other. I feel I committed to stopping the cruelty and fixed my bad behavior thru hard work and therapy...while his just has been getting worse and worse. And opposes therapy. IS IT REALLY THAT HARD TO NOT BE AN ASSHOLE!?!?!? I guess. so.
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Joyride asked:
" question 1 is this one in a pattern of relationships where your partner repeatedly mistreats you?" Yes. "question 2 is this one in a pattern of relationships in which you have been addicted to your partner or the relationship? " Yes. I am love addict, huh?
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I doubt very much if he loves you. If he did, he would not be treating you this way, and playing unhealthy mind games. It sounds like he has a problem with his ego. Whenever he needs a boost, he knows he can mess with you and inflate his ego which obviously is pleasure to him at your expense.
My opinion is that you just have to cut all contact with him. ALL CONTACT! The word "need" just doesnt apply here. You "need" food, clothing and shelter. Everything else is a "want".
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korywar
I dont know if you are or not, I dont know you at all, but if YOu think you have a well established pattern, then really it may be more about you, than this particular guy, and if that is the case, then seeing a therapist to know for sure, and to sort things out and learn how to do things better and healthier might be the best investment you make? even if its just learning how to choose better and healthier partners? ((hugs))
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9 years of back and forth in and outs. :'( this addiction is by far the hardest. Ive never been able to count on him. Hes all talk and I just found out hes been sleeping around. I bought my own home. Graduated with my masters degree and I'm still holding on to nothing. Its a sick cycle I'm trying to break. I'm so depressed after finding out about all his sexual partners a couple of days ago. Yet we haven't lived together for over a year. I want to move on....yet I'm still testing him like if we are friends or something ........
I hope this crape ends!
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Omg. No wonder he left you. Guys don't want drama queens. They want a women who is confident and knows what they want.
If you were my girl, I'd kick you out too. No offense, just being really honest.
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