Breakups & Divorce Support Group

It's nights like last night and mornings like today when I am sad, lonely, and wondering if I did the right thing. Last Decemeber, I broke up with my fiancé of two years. Last February would have been 7 years and last weekend, June 9th, was supposed to be our wedding. We had the venue book, dress purchased, everything planned but one day I had a wake up call. I found texts in his phone from another girl...."Do you miss me?" "I want to make you sweat." and all kinds of sexual texts. He was in graduate school with this girl and she always made me uncomfortable. She's definitely the type that wants attention and despite being married would seek it from any guy willing to give it to her. My X and I already had a mountain of problems before that little bit of icing on the cake so I left him. He was fairly verbally abusive to me...would tell me things to scare me during arguments like "I can understand why a man would beat his wife" and "I'm going to grab you by your neck and throw you against the wall." Or "No one would want to be with you" or "You're psyho" and "Youll never find someone." Shortly before I found the texts, he shoved me during an argument. He's grabbed my arm before as well and pushed me out of a room and slammed the door in my face. Clearly we didn't have a good relationship. He made me believe all that time, while I was cooking and cleaning and caring for our home and dogs on my own without his help, that he was studying for graduate school. In looking at our joint cell phone bill, he had been texting that girl hundreds of times a day, thousands over the course of 4 months. He texted her all day when I was out shopping for wedding dresses, on my birthday when he was supposedly so busy studying that he had no time to drive 5 minutes and get me a card much less a gift. I know our relationship wasn't healthy but I truly did love him with all my heart and thought we were getting married. I thought he was the one who'd be the father of my kids...the one I'd grow old with. I know I still love him to some degree. I guess 7 years is a long time. Since December, I've gone on a few dates but I've lost all hope that I'll find the man I'm looking for. Maybe my fairy tale doesn't exist? Maybe i made the wrong decision? I know all couples have problems. Could I have tried harder to make it work? My therapist says that he abused me and I'm suffering from battered women's syndrome. I just don't know where to go from here. There's such a part of me that wants to see him, hug him, move forward with him but I know I can't because of how he treats me.
Posted on 06/16/12, 08:35 am